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This is the transcript for the Season 1 episode, Attitude.

Scene 1: Last ResortEdit

A group of three players have joined a game of Team Slayer on Halo 3. The map is Last Resort. The group heads to the Warthog.

  • Player #1: Alright guys, let's do this. I'll drive.

Player #1 gets into the driver seat of the Warthog.

  • Player #2: Shotty!

Player #2 gets into the passenger seat.

  • Player #3: I'll get the turret.

Player #3 gets on the turret.

  • Player #1: Here we go.

He starts driving. After moving a little, he has to stop because somebody is standing in front of them in the way.

  • Player #2: Woah wha... who the fuck is this?

The camera shows the player's helmet, revealing that he is using the Recon armour permuatation. Then he speaks, revealing that he is Master Chief.

  • Chief: y helo thar!1 chek this out, i haz rec0n armer!1

[short pause]

  • Player #2: No one gives a shit!
  • Player #1: Move!

Chief instead begins showing off his armor by turning around to show parts of it and jump up and down as well.

  • Chief: ch3k meh otu!11 / this r so k00l / bungie giv meh it bcuz i r so gud / lololollollololl

Player #2 turns to Player #1.

  • Player #2: Just go, dude.
  • Player #3: Yeah.

Player #1 starts moving again and drives past Chief, who looks towards them.

  • Chief: no w8 u gota c this armer

He manages to stand on the hood of their Warthog and ride it into the main complex of the map.

  • Player #1: Shut up, faggot!

The Warthog stops inside the complex. Player #3 gets out and finds a position to snipe. Chief follows after him as the other two players drive off in the Warthog. As he is using the scope to find targets, Chief walks in front of him, obscuring his shot.

  • Chief: arent this awsum?/ / bungi3 giv it to meh bcuz i ruel so hard
  • Player #3: Fuck! Get out of the way!
  • Chief: hahhahahhahhahahahahah / LOLOLOLLOLOLOLLOOL / hahhahahhaahhahhah

Player #3 starts running away from Chief, with Chief following him.

  • Chief: this armer is so c00l / do u thnk this rmer is kewl?///? / i think this arm0r iz k00l
  • Player #3: Yeah, it is cool that Bungie gave it to you, but I honestly don't give a shit. Go away.

Player #3 jumps off the balcony and Chief jumps down after him. He continues to follow him. Player #3 gets fed up and begins shooting back at Chief in an attempt to get him to stop following him. Chief simply continues to follow and fire at him while jumping as well.

  • Player #3: Piss off! Stop following me!
  • Chief: hahhahhahahhahah i has recon hahhahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahhahhaah

Player #3 keeps shooting at Chief.

  • Player #3: I don't care!

He finally kills Chief.

  • Player #3: Stop fucking following me!

Scene 2: Living RoomEdit

In the living room, Arbiter is using the computer and listening to Chief harassing people online. He turns towards Chief.

  • Arbiter: No one cares that you have recon, Chief.
  • Chief: shut up / ur retarted
  • Arbiter: You know, you've turned into a real fucking asshole ever since you got that armor.
  • Chief: shut up faggot / bungie gaev it 2 meh bcuz im fuckign awsim
  • Arbiter: They gave it to you because I asked them to.
  • Chief: fuck u
  • Arbiter: Anyway, you've been bragging to people on matchmaking for like four fucking hours. I'm playing Call of Duty 4 now.

Arbiter walks to the couch.

  • Chief: fine!1! bitch!1!!one!

Chief throws the controller at Arbiter and walks away. Arbiter watches him go.

  • Arbiter: You've got a real fuckin' attitude problem!
  • Chief: uve got a r33l fuckign FACE problim

Scene 3: Hall/BathroomEdit

Chief is walking in the hall. He walks by the shelf with the games, and takes Call of Duty 4 from it. He then walks off to the bathroom with the case in hand.

  • Chief: ill show u a fucking atitood problim

Chief walks into the bathroom and shuts the door. Then he opens the case for Call of Duty 4 and takes the disc out, snaps it and throws both the case and the snapped disc into the toilet. He attempts to flush it, but the case is too big.

Scene 4: Outside BathroomEdit

Outside, Arbiter knocks on the door of the bathroom.

  • Arbiter: Chief, have you seen the Call of Duty 4 case?

Chief makes a brief pause.

  • Chief: no

Inside the bathroom, Chief keeps trying to flush the case down the toilet.

  • Chief: cum on!1!11 flush bitch!1!!eleven!

The scene swtiches to outside the bathroom where Arbiter is listening to Chief.

  • Arbiter: Chief... are you masturbating?
  • Chief: wtf?!/ no
  • Arbiter: Then what the hell are you doing in there?
  • Chief: ummmmmmmmmmmm..... / acshualy / i am jacking off / go away

He keeps trying to flush it.

Scene 5: HallEdit

Later, Chief is done, and Arbiter and Chief are talking in the hall. Behind Chief is a disc case.

  • Arbiter: Okay seriously, where the fuck is Call of Duty 4? You did something with it, didn't you?
  • Chief: no, its rite h33r

Chief shows Arbiter the case.]

  • Chief: c?

Arbiter looks at the case, which is a very poorly drawn replacement of the Call of Duty 4 cover, complete with a smiling stick figure holding a gun (between the figure's legs is what appears to be male genitalia with the word "LOL!" underneath), small planes in the background, and the title: "Cock off Doody 4: Modirn Wurfurrr". Arbiter is baffled.

  • Arbiter: What in Christ's name is this?
  • Mhief: cock of doody 4!!1 modirn gayfuckstupid

[Brief pause, then music fades in]

  • Arbiter: You can't possibly expect me to believe--
  • Chief: go ahed!1 pleh it!11

Arbiter opens the case, and notices that substituting the disc is a cookie with a hole in the middle.

  • Arbiter: There isn't even a disc in here. It's just a chocolate chip cookie with a hole in it. This would probably wreck the fucking 360 if I put this in. You obviously did something with the real game and made this shitty case in a pathetic attempt to fool me.

[Another brief pause from Chief]

  • Chief: no

Arbiter angrily throws the cookie at Chief, knocking him over.]

  • Arbiter: Where is it, Chief?

Scene 6: Living Room Edit

Arbiter is later seen playing Call of Duty 4, apparently having found out about what Chief did and having bought a new copy. Meanwhile, Chief is unclogging the toilet.

  • Arbiter: I can't believe I had to buy another copy of this.
  • Chief: i wun pleh
  • Arbiter: No, no Xbox for you. You're gonna stay in that bathroom until you unclog that fucking toilet.

[Brief pause.]

  • Master Chief: :( (sadface)

[End credits roll.]

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