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Scene 1: Role-playing server Edit

WARDEN: I'm stumped as to why anyone would have the slightest interest in associating themselves with a degenerate piece of filth like you, but… you've got a visitor.

  • Kyle: You think I don't know why you go AFK all the time? At least I don't play with a female character model solely to avoid waddling my fat ass over the computer for masturbation fodder. That's fucked up. You ought to be the one in here, weirdo.

Brody walks on and sees Kyle.

  • Brody: How does an honest and wholesome model citizen such as yourself get himself detained?
  • Kyle: By getting into a body shootout with a police after stealing a car from your showroom.
  • Brody: You have the credits, you tight ass. Anyway, get this: I managed to eavesdrop briefly on Eugene and Tyler at school today. I saw Eugene hand Tyler a USB drive. I figured that it likely just contained pornography or something, but from what I overheard of their conversation they intend on somehow causing significant damage of some sort with whatever's on it.
  • Kyle: Don't get bogged down on specifics or anything…
  • Brody: So I swiped the drive from Tyler, duplicated its contents for myself and replaced the drive without Tyler being any the wiser. He was too stoned to notice.
  • Kyle: There's the headline. That's awesome. What's on the drive?
  • Brody: I don't know.
  • Kyle: When does the story stop sucking?
  • Brody: There's a folder with a text document containing a list of hexadecimal values with cryptic labeling along with a file with some obscure extension that my computer has no means of opening. I scoured the Net for one. Nothing. Whatever these files are capable of is enough to get Eugene and Tyler fired up and I'm gonna find out what it is. Once I do, and providing that I'm able to, I'm gonna use them to make Eugene pay.
  • Kyle: I'm not sure that pissing off Eugene any more than you already have is such a good idea.
  • Brody: You'd be right to be unsure, it isn't a good idea. It isn't even a great idea. It's the greatest idea.
  • Kyle: Oh.
  • Brody: I've already made up my mind and I'm not gonna take any more shit from Eugene. I've fucking had it, man. I may have been given an opportunity to put him in his place and I'm gonna take it. I'd like you to be a part of this endeavor, provided that you're not a giant blubbering vagina…
  • Kyle: Yeah, whatever, bitch. I'm in. [turns to the warden] Hey. I'm pretty sure my detention period expired a generous amount of time ago. How do you feel about doing your job and letting me out of here already? [beat] Goddammit. You nasty motherfucker.

Scene 2: Eugene Edit

Arbiter and Eugene are seen walking together on the map, Forge World.

EUGENE: Look, I apologize for our conflict the other day. I really didn't think that you'd have a problem with the patch if I showed it to you, given that it was yourself and the Chief who initially caused its use to spread.

  • Arbiter: I understand. As I said before, my prior use of the patch was fueled by what I personally deemed necessity at the time. I don't consider myself any better than you, by any means -- but I don't wish to be involved with that software any longer.

A loud click is heard.

  • Arbiter: What's that sound?

EUGENE: My inhaler. Can I ask you something? Do you hold any religious beliefs?

  • Arbiter: Were I forced to choose, I suppose --

EUGENE: --Yes, let's say you were forced to choose. I've got a gun cocked and pressed against your head. What do you say?


Arbiter and Eugene continue walking and they both enter a cavern. Eugene is on a higher path than Arbiter.

  • Arbiter: I've often encountered the opinion that agnosticism is the most cowardly of the beliefs to hold. I suppose that's due to the assumption that my indecision between atheism and theism is rooted in fear. On the contrary, I believe that it's rooted simply in a lack of evidence that completely eliminates either side from plausibility. In fact, I consider agnosticism to oppose cowardice directly as it requires an embrace of the unknown. Fear's breeding ground. What beliefs do you hold?

EUGENE: [sighs] I believe that when we die, our corpses merely decompose, and our consciousness is snuffed out in a vacuum of nothingness for the rest of eternity without judgment, and that everybody's hear to soak up as many giggles as they can through whatever means are available to them.

  • Arbiter: Grim.

EUGENE: Of course it's grim, but I had no say when I was thrown into the world I live in. I'm just reacting to all of the horrible shit that's surrounding me. Isn't that what we were designed to do? And anybody who responds with "God works in mysterious ways" can feel free to strip to their bare asses, skip away into the woods, and get fucked by bears.

  • Arbiter: How is Madeline?

EUGENE: Worse, thanks for asking.

  • Arbiter: Sorry.   [beat]   My life's been a few Butterfingers short of a picnic as well. You'd probably laugh your ass off if I managed to convey to you just how confined and isolating it is. The Chief has his amusing moments, certainly, but living with him takes every fibre of my being in refraining from tossing myself straight out of the window. I'm not comfortable going into details on the fact, but I recently lost a limb, which has really been fucking with me. I know that I'm not going to be around for much longer. You're lucky to have Michelle.   [beat]   I fell in love with someone once, but she doesn't reciprocate the feeling. In fact, I'm fairly certain that she wants nothing to do with me anymore. She was the bride at that wedding.

EUGENE: You're telling me that you spared this girl from a miserable existence and now she wants nothing to do with you? No offense but she sounds like a stone-cold bitch. Her loss.


  • Arbiter: I also loathe the horrific monotony of my voice, as well as myself for recently pushing away both of the best friends that I've ever had -- in quick succession. If there were an award in existence for the world's most enormous loser, I'd certainly be eligible for a nomination.

Eugene and Arbiter are now seen leaving the cave and approaching a waterfall.

EUGENE: The way I see it, either God doesn't exist, or he does, and he's the biggest mastermind troll in the universe; and I can say that I'm merely following in his footsteps. Either way, where is the need for morality? Listen, I respect whatever position you hold, but I can't help but have a hard time believing that you'd remain opposed to abusing that patch after telling me all of those things back there.

Arbiter turns and faces Eugene.

EUGENE: It's just a few lines of code, and this is all just a stupid fucking video game. I'll never bring it up again from this point onwards if that's what you'd prefer. Hell, we don't even have to meet again, but I think that you owe it to yourself to evaluate what it is exactly that you're holding onto.

Arbiter looks back at the waterfall in thought.

Scene 3: Bed Edit

Arbiter gets on the bed, sees Chief lying there.

  • Arbiter: Chief? [walks towards him] You awake?
  • Chief [shaking violently]: ZZZZZZZZZZ / AAH / O GOD / HALP / diversities in gaming / innovative gaemplays / GURL GAMURZ / original ips / THE WHORRORES / O THE WHORRORS / ALL OF THOSE / AAH / gaystations / nintendrones / indie developers / CASUALS / PC GAMERS / FAT FUCKS WITH FEDORAS / GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME U FILTHY FUCKING ANIMALS / ALL GLORY 2 THE BEAUTIFUL XBRO MASTER RACE / ytf couldnt they just b in charged of evety single things? / o y helo that arbiturs mother / u knew that i just cant gots enuff of that a$$ of urs, butt 4 christs sake woman -- haul it around the blox a cupple of times, plax

Arbiter turns back and jumps down.

Scene 4: Smoke Edit

Arbiter grabs a Zelda box, opens it and pours cigarettes out; takes one of them.

He gets on the window sill and opens the window; city noises are heard.

He sits and lights the cigarette.

[credits roll with city noises heard in the background]