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Viewer Discretion Warning is shown. Opening credits roll.

[The scene starts with a brief shot of the Hollywood sign, before cutting to Arbiter following Chief.]

  • Arbiter: Hey! Chief! Hold on!
  • Chief: fux awf
  • Arbiter: Come on! Just hold on for a second… One second!

[Chief proceeds to pick up a rock off the ground, and throws it at Arbiter, missing.]

  • Arbiter: Whoa! Dude! That isn’t cool!
  • Chief: neethur iz u (Throws another rock, hitting Arbiter this time.)
  • Arbiter: Ow! Son (of) a bitch! Will you just stop?
  • Chief: y? / y duz i ulwayz gawt tu duz witchevar u sayz / hoo mad3 u bosS uf da Urth
  • Arbiter: Listen to me. I’m not the boss of the Earth. I just want us to be safe, and I want us to be happy. (Chief picks up yet another rock.) Stop throwing things, you fuck!

[Chief ignores Arbiter and throws the rock at Arbiter, missing and hitting the box next to him.]

  • Arbiter: God damn it! (Arbiter backs up and hides behind the box for protection.)
  • Chief: i hayt u
  • Arbiter: (Picks up a rock.) I don’t wanna do this, but you’re not leaving me any choice you little bitch!

[Arbiter throws the rock at Chief, hitting him square in the chest.]

  • Chief: aaaaaahhh / :’( / aaaaaaahhh / awwwwaaaahhh (Chief drops to the ground.)
  • Arbiter: Oh shit. Sorry Chief. I didn’t think I’d actually get you. You alright?

[Chief surprise-attacks Arbiter and punches him in the balls.]

  • Arbiter: Aah! Fuck! (Arbiter drops to the ground.)
  • Chief: (Jumps on top of Arbiter.) I’m going to punch you in the face! (Chief does so.)
  • Arbiter: Ow!
  • Chief: I’m gonna tear off your cock and shove it up your butt!
  • Arbiter: Alright, calm down! We’re even!

[Arbiter and Chief both get up, standing equal, before Chief surprise-attacks him once again and punches him in the balls.]

  • Arbiter: Aah! God damn it! Stop it before I really get pissed off! (Waits.) You done?
  • Chief: yez
  • Arbiter: Alright, look. Like I said, I’m not the boss, and you can march away alone if you really want to, but believe me when I say that you’re not gonna last a day out there.
  • Chief: :(
  • Arbiter: Come on. Let’s stick together and find somewhere to stay. Somewhere warm and comfortable. Somewhere with an Xbox so you can play Halo until your heart’s content.
  • Chief: k / i guz sum bodiz gawt 2 chek ur sex
  • Arbiter: It’s “check your six.”
  • Chief: tat duz nawt mak3 senz

[The scene cuts to the sun setting, before cutting to Arbiter walking with Chief in tow.]

  • Chief: o mann / haw mutch l0ngr???
  • Arbiter: We only started walking seven seconds ago you pussy. (Arbiter is seen peering around a corner.) Dude! Chief! Check this out!
  • Chief: wut

[Chief and Arbiter are then seen staring at the doors of what appears to be a store-front, text on the two glass doors saying ‘The Brofessional GAMER’.]

  • Chief: :O / coo (Begins walking towards the store-front.)
  • Arbiter: Chief, wait!

[Chief picks up a rock from the ground, preparing to throw it at the glass door in order to gain entrance.]

  • Arbiter: Alternatively, we could just walk through the front door. (Arbiter is found holding the door open.)

[Chief drops the stone and proceeds to walk inside along with Arbiter. Chief purposefully bumps into Arbiter as he walks past him.]

  • Arbiter: You cock.
  • Chief: doo nawt b33 a scware / thar iz no 1 hear
  • Mysterious Character: Yeah there is!

[Chief is startled as a voice behind him sounds out, and turns around to see who the mysterious figure is. The camera slowly climbs up the figure’s body and reveals it to be Sonic the Hedgehog, carrying with him a Sharpie permanent marker.]

End credits roll.

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