Cheaters/Transcript

← "Stag Night"	"Cheaters"	"Collapse" →

This is the transcript for Season 5 episode, Cheaters.

Scene 1: Trent's Stag

Trent Donnovich has Arbiter and Chief cornered at the edge of a steep cliff, after they found out about his affair in the previous episode. Cameron and Cody are there too.

• Trent:: We've got a bit of a problem here, don't we?

• Arbiter:: You could say that.

• Chief:: lol ur ch33ting on ur fancy ur not suposed 2 does that thats bad ur bad

• Trent:: I think you mean fiance.

• Chief:: wow 4 realzies? BUT SHES 1 HOT POTATO / y the hell wuld u ch33ts on her?

• Trent:: What? Do you even know what she looks like?

• Chief:: um yes evir herd of goggle dumbass?/

• Trent:: What are you talking about?

• Arbiter:: Shut up, Chief.

• Trent:: I don't suppose you'd still like to go through with the show deal.

• Arbiter:: Shove your deal up your ass.

• Trent:: Thought not.

• Chief:: ROFL wat d33l is this?

• Arbiter:: Forget it.

• Trent:: I thought you were aware, your partner here was considering selling my colleagues and I your Hypernews show.

• Chief: WTF

Chief looks at Arbiter.

• Chief:: u wer gona sels hypernews 2 this douche?? I OUGHTA SLAP U BITCH H33R IT COMES BITCH

Chief slaps Arbiter in real life.

• Chief:: SLAP

• Arbiter:: Ow!

• Chief:: LOL i want u 2 no arbitur that hurt u and it didnt hurt meh at all

• Arbiter:: I wasn't gonna sell it. I chose to just hear what Trent and his partners had to say out of respect. A respect that's long gone. Claire doesn't deserve to be messed around like this.

• Trent:: Come on, Arbiter, I told you before, the world's just a big sinking ship. I don't remember hearing any argument from you. I know you're not naive. I don't think we're so different.

• Arbiter:: We most certainly are.

• Trent:: We've gotta take whatever we can get with the time we've got here. Ass is no exception to the rule.

• Arbiter:: It is if you're getting married.

• Trent:: It's a false constitution, it suppresses our very nature.

• Arbiter:: Don't get married then.

• Trent:: It makes Claire happy and she's a pretty damn good catch, but... speaking simply as a realist, I just can't fulfill my marital obligations, I'd go crazy. Fortunately what Claire doesn't know can't hurt her.

• Chief:: hay this guys kinda c00l acshuly

• Arbiter:: You know I'm gonna tell her what's going on.

• Trent:: You'd really hurt her like that?

• Arbiter: Don't insult my intelligence and twist this, please. You pulled the pin here.

• Chief:: NAO U JUST HOLD ON 1 MINITS H33R i thot u says u was marrying beyonce

• Trent:: Is he serious?

• Arbiter:: Chief, shut the fuck up.

• Chief: :( [sad face] ur m33n

• Trent:: You know, come to think of it, I'm willing to bet you don't even know what Claire looks like either, do you? How sad, compelled to fight for a poorly sampled digital female voice you've paired with an embellished imagining of her appearance.

• Chief:: wen i h33rs chicks onlien i get a boner lol

Arbiter turns to Cameron and Cody.

• Arbiter:: What about you two? Bulk and Skull. You cool with what's happening here?

• Cameron:: We're not payed to ask questions.

• Trent:: Model employees right there.

• Arbiter:: Unbelievable. Claire isn't an object to be toyed with. Neither is that other girl you're stringing along. We're talking about people here, like you and- ...like you.

• Trent: [laughs] Claire told me what you guys are. I had a hard time believing it at first but I like to keep an open mind.

• Chief:: wat? / SECKS MASHEENS? / its not true / thats just me / ROFLMAO

• Trent:: Cameron, kindly eject the green goblin here from the game if you would, he's getting on my fucking nerves.

• Cameron:: Copy that, thank you for the opportunity.

• Chief:: NO

Cameron shoots Chief, who falls off the cliff and in to the water, as Arbiter watches.

• Chief;: NOOOOOOOOOO / NOOOOOOOOOO / GARBLE GARBLE GARBLE GARBLE GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB

In real life, Chief continues to watch.

• Chief:: THAT COCKSUCKER

Arbiter turns back to Trent.

• Trent:: Man's grandeur lies in it's ability to contemplate his own existence. If it's such an immense feat for us, I can't imagine what you must be feeling. You were created for the sole purpose of being drooled on and smashed to pieces by toddlers. That or to collect dust on the shelves of chronic masturbaters. It's debatable whether or not there's something beyond this plain of reality for us. For you there's, literally nothing. It's indisputable. You're just a lump of plastic with some, miraculous short circuit that has somehow sparked consciousness that will one day fizzle out, and that'll be that.

• Arbiter:: That may be, but as long as I'm here, I'm not gonna stand by and watch you hurt Claire.

• Trent:: You won't be watching a goddamn thing. I thought you and I had fruitful future. Clearly I was mistaken. This is where our paths divide, Arbiter. Farewell and good luck. Apart from the current moment of course.

Trent walks back to his stag, passing Cameron and Cody as he goes by.

• Trent:: Kill him, and get a hold of Brian, have him block all their communications with Claire and make sure they don't join this server again.

Cameron and Cody approach Arbiter.

• Arbiter:: You two have the power to change things here.

• Cody:: As we're about to demonstrate.

Cody walks towards Arbiter and fires his shotgun at him, killing him and pushing him off the cliff.

• Cody:: Happy trails, mother fucker.

Cody then turns around and goes back to guard Trent's stag.

• Cody:: Brian, this is Commander Hammond, come in, over.

Scene 2: Jon's House

After what just happened, Arbiter and Chief are sitting in front of the TV.

• Arbiter: I can't believe those pathetic twats.

• Chief: does this m33ns we cant go to teh weding? if we cant goes 2 teh weding ima b very :( {Sad Face} arbitur

Arbiter tries to send a message to Claire, to tell her that Trent is cheating on her.

• Arbiter: Fuck, man. I've already been blocked from sending Claire any messages. This is so lame it's surreal.

• Master Chief: mesage her on teh intertubes retard

• Arbiter: I don't have any of her contact details besides her gamertag.

• Master Chief: what the hell? wat abot teh faceb00ks or teh tw33ters or watever the fuck it is

• Arbiter: No. Nothing.

• Master Chief: but u says u used 2 has her on teh MSNs remembir u sed? LOL DONT MAEK ME SAY IT

• Arbiter: She's changed her e-mail since then. She hasn't given me her new one. ... I don't know what to do.

• Master Chief: well 4 starters how about teling me y the fuck greg felt teh needs to drag me into teh bathr00m and covar me in his sticky stuff? i shud b33t ur fucking ass

• Arbiter: I'm sorry. At the time I couldn't risk you sabotaging the wedding. I know you were going to, Chief.

• Master Chief: yeh so? LOL

• Arbiter: And don't forget about locking me in the closet, asshole.

• Master Chief: yeh but that was diferent

• Arbiter: How was that different? Enlighten me.

• Master Chief: that wuz funny LMAO u were crying and shit liek a babby little babby arbiter :3 {Lion Face}

• Arbiter: I can't let Claire go through with this. It's not right.

• Master Chief: r u saeing wat i thinks ur saeing? is that wat ur saeing? thats wat ur saeing rite??

• Arbiter: She has to know. ...I think we need to stop the wedding.

• Master Chief: HELL YEH BABBY

• Arbiter: ...But we've been banned from the server.

• Master Chief: so how does we does it then?

Scene 3: Computer

Arbiter is using the computer. He is on the forum, trying to find people to help them stop the wedding. Chief shows up.

• Master Chief: n e repleis y3t?

• Arbiter: Everyone on the forums thinks I'm full of shit. They're telling me to fuck off and that they're not my personal army.

• Master Chief: WELL THEN MAI BOY ILL TELL U WAT U DO u fucking hit CAPS LOCK and u MAEK them undrestand

• Arbiter: It's no use. I can't talk to anybody either. People think I'm a troll the minute they hear my voice.

• Master Chief. who culd blaems them? u sound retraded in fact i doesnt no a singel person in teh whoel wied wr0ld who sounds moar retarted than u does no offens

• Arbiter: None taken. Believe me.

• Master Chief: so wat r we suposed 2 do nao??

Scene 4: Jon's House (Later)

Some time later, Arbiter is depressed, sitting in the tub, drinking whisky.

• Arbiter: Sigh.

Meanwhile, Chief is trying to find Greg.

• Master Chief: GREG? OH GREG? WHERE U @ DAWG or spider i gess but thats not as c00l lol

Greg appears, with his post it notes, so that he can respond to the other characters as usual.

• Chief: o hai greg :3 {Lion Face}

• Greg: sry about b4 :(

• Chief: O THAT? SO ANSHIENT HISTERIES DUDE I WAS JUST WONDERIGN IF UD LIEK TO PLAY SUM HALO W/ ME

• Greg: rly?

• Master Chief: TOTALY DUDE 2 b honist w/ u greg i think we both got off with the wrong hands U AND ME GOTS TO HANG OUT MOAR so let me axe u this next quest chin. r u rdy 4 mai quest chin? h33r it is...... DOES U WANNA

• Greg: ok :)

• Master Chief: FAR OUT BRO

A moment later, Chief is secretly plotting to kill Greg. Greg is sitting down with some whisky next to him. There are tissues everywhere.

• Master Chief: U LIEK HALOS?

• Greg: yea its cool

• Master Chief: u c greg ive found prety much evry gaem ive ever played a littel 2 gay 4 mai taestes all butt a few wen bungies very 1st gaem halo 2 caem out in 2000s and 1 i was blown away dude teh graffix teh guns teh armers teh aleins teh graffix, everythign doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo

Chief goes to the bathroom, while still talking to Greg.

• Master Chief: teh whoel gaem had such gud grafix taht evry lvl had lots of funs which rly gaev teh gaem a big b00st

Chief starts eating indigestion tablets.

• Master Chief: OM NOM NOM NOM I <3 MAI YUMS YES I DO SHULD I HAS ANOTHAR? Y THE FUCK NOT? LOL IM SO CHEEKY OM NOM NOM NOM NOM YUMMY MMMMMMMMM

After drinking some whisky, Chief looks at the knife.

• Master Chief: ECKSCUES ME? WATS THAT? U DEMANDS BLOOD? LOL K

Chief picks up the knife, and leaves the room.

• Master Chief: bungie has b33n compaerd 2 epic games adn fininity awards but thers no denial taht bungie maeks teh most best gaems

Chief hides the knife, and goes back to Greg.

• Greg: y r ther tissues everywhere u sick? :(

• Master Chief: no greg im not sick

• Greg: thats a nice vest :3

• Master Chief: Y YES IT IS spank u very much for noticing

Chief starts playing his "Activate" music on the computer.

• Master Chief. in novembir they caem out w/ r33ch teh best gaem evir maed

Chief starts to walk back to where the knife is.

• Chief: its bungies undiluted masterpeece sum ppls doesnt teh campagne cuz teh multipalyres 2 fucking ossim

Chief picks up the knife.

• Chief: BUT THEY SHUD CUZ NOT ONLY DOES IT HAVE MIND BLOWIGN GRAFIX BUT U GETS TO PLAY AS MASTER CH33F!!1 WAT OTHER GAEMS LET U PLAY AS MEH? HMMMMMMMMMM?? HAY GREG!1!!one+shift!1eleven!1

Greg turns around and sees Chief with the knife. Chief starts charging at Greg with it.

• Master Chief: LOLOLOL MAI ROFL KNIEF GOES SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC LOLOLOLOLOL

Greg backs away in shock and Arbiter shows up just in time, and tackles him.

• Arbiter: What the fuck are you doing?!

• Master Chief: OH SHIT

• Arbiter: Are you out of your mind?!

• Chief: BUTT TEH ROFL KNIFE DEMANDS BLOOD THO!!1 "BLOOD PLZ K THX LOL" CANT U H33R IT ARBITER??!/1 HAHHAHAHAHH

Arbiter looks at Greg.

• Greg: I think its best 4 every1 if I go

• Arbiter: No, man. You don't have to go anywhere.

• Greg: I heard what u said 2 Claire

• Arbiter: Dude, that was nothing. I didn't really mean it. Well, kind of, but not really.

• Greg: its ok :)

Greg walks away, about to leave.

• Arbiter: Greg, don't go. Seriously. It's me. Me and my stupid phobia. I'm the one with the problem. We both are. Greg, come on man.

• Master Chief: BY ALL M33NS FUCK OFF / BUGS BELONG OUTSIED N E WAY

• Arbiter: Greg!

• Master Chief. GUD RIDDENCE FREAK LOLOLOLOL

Arbiter turns towards Chief.

• Arbiter: I have had it with you. This is the last straw.

• Chief: no thers a bunch in teh drawer u cant use teh crazy 1 tho :3 {Lion Face} teh crazy 1s mien

Arbiter shoves Chief, who hits the wall.

• Arbiter: Shut the fuck up!

• Chief: HEY

• Arbiter: Why did I have to be stuck with you of all people?

• Chief: lol u still think were ppls thats cute

• Arbiter: To think how long I've put up with your bullshit.

• Chief: i was h33r 1st bitch u invaeded mai territory and only fagets play teritories LOL

• Arbiter: It wasn't up to me! I was shoved into a box and shipped here on low priority! I was bumped around so much I should be fucking brain damaged like you! You think I wanted any of this?!

• Chief: hay if u crai abot it hard enuf maybe everythign will b all betar cum on arbitur hold mai hand lets crai togethir!1 WAAAAAH!

• Arbiter: Fuck off. Greg was the closest thing I've ever had to a real damn friend besides Claire and now you've driven him off.

• Chief: SO DID U ur beign such a hippopotacrite rite now dude U WERE SCAERD OF HIM WHO W00DNT B SCAERD OF THAT THING?

• Arbiter: He's not just a thing, Chief! And I'd take him over you without hesitation!

Arbiter pushes Chief agan.

• Chief: STOP PUSHING ME

• Arbiter: What the fuck are you gonna do?!

• Master Chief: ILL FUCK UP UR SHIT

Chief starts to take the vest off.

• Master Chief; UVE DONE IT NAO THE VESTS COMING OFF LETS DO THIS U WANT A P33C3 OF M3? CUM AND GEDDIT COME ON U LITTEL PUSSY FAGGOT BITCH WATS TEH MATTER U SCAERED? LETS GO RITE H33R

Arbiter punches Chief.

• Master Chief: AH

Chief hits the wall, and is knocked out.

• Arbiter: Oh, fuck. Chief?

Arbiter looks at Chief, and the scene ends.

Scene 5: Next Morning

It is the next day. Today, the wedding is happening. Chief is still lying unconscious, and Arbiter is also lying on the floor, with a bottle of whisky next to him. Arbiter gets up and feels his head.

• Arbiter: Oh, man... Jeez...

Chief starts to get up.

• Master Chief: gzus h christ

• Arbiter: You alright?

• Master Chief: my hed fucking kills thx btw asshole

• Arbiter: You and me both. Mine's pounding.

• Master Chief: did we figyers out a wae 2 crash teh weding yet

• Arbiter: I assume by 'we' you mean 'me'.

• Master Chief: lol

• Arbiter: ... No. What time is it?

• Master Chief: liek 11 30

• Arbiter: A couple hours and it'll be over.

• Master Chief: that sucks

• Arbiter: Yeah.

• Master Chief: wana play sum halos?

• Arbiter: ... Yeah.

Scene 6: Breakpoint

Arbiter and Chief have joined a game on Boardwalk.

• Master Chief: holy shit u stink lol how much did u drink last nite?

Arbiter gets killed by a green player, who teabags him.

• Master Chief: wow u suk

• Arbiter: Shut up. I feel like absolute shit right now.

Chief starts to play too, and constantly spams armor lock.

• Master Chief: LOLOLOL ARMER LOCK ARMER LOCK ARMER LOCK ARMER LOCK ARMER LOCK ARMER LOCK ARMER LOCK

The green player nearly kills him.

• Master Chief: WOOPSIE ARMER LOCK

Chief uses armor lock to stop him, and then shoots him with the assault rifle.

• Master Chief: EAT LED BITCH

The green player falls over and dies.

• Master Chief: HOORAY

Master Chief teabags the green player.

• Master Chief: LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Chief continues to play well, and survives. Timothy shows up, recognizing Chief from Duck Love and Time Wasters, and notices that Chief has greatly improved his skills.

• Timothy: Wow, you certainly improved.

• Master Chief: U AGEN? quit folowing me around homo

• Arbiter: Who's this?

Timothy recognizes Arbiter's voice as Microsoft Mike.

• Timothy: Wow, we've got Microsoft Mike here now. What an outrageous page you are.

• Master Chief: eat a dick

• Timothy: Oh come on, don't be like that. How come you're in such a foul mood?

• Master Chief. i was gona trash this retartid weding butt nao i cant and im very :(

• Timothy: Halo wedding? You're talking about that Donnovich guy's gig right?

• Arbiter: Yeah.

• Timothy: You were gonna trash it, really?

• Arbiter: The bride's an old friend of mine. We found out Trent Donnovich is messing her around.

• Timothy: Like, cheating?

• Arbiter: Yeah.

• Timothy: Holy shit, no kidding? So what's stopping you?

• Arbiter: Our communications have been blocked and we've been banned from the wedding's server.

• Timothy: You don't say.

Arbiter turns to see the green player teabagging another Elite. He shakes his head in disgust.

• Timothy: You know, I might actually be able to help you guys out with this.

• Master Chief: r u 4 realzies?

• Timothy: I have a few people on my friends list who are quite proficient in hardware and software modding for games. They might be able to pull a few strings for you.

• Master Chief: OMG HAX?!?!//1 U CAN HOOKS US UP W/ SUM L33T HAX?/1/?!

• Timothy: I don't normally do this, but this seems like kind of a big deal.

• Arbiter: We can't.

• Master Chief: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKIGN ABOUT THIS IS OUR ANSER!1 L33T SEXXY HAX!!1one!1

• Arbiter: Leet hacks or no leet hacks. How are we gonna get around a server ban? Besides, we can't use hacks. We'll be banned from online completely. Is that what you want?

• Timothy: Only if you're caught.

• Arbiter: That's not the point.

• Master Chief: so ur just gona lets claire marry this asshole? we cant let that happin arbitur!1 weve gots 2 save claire!!1

• Arbiter: Shut up, Chief. You don't give a fuck about Claire. You just want to cause trouble.

• Master Chief: rofl and ur points is? ITS WIN WIN BABY

• Arbiter: I don't know.

• Timothy: Shouldn't hurt to just hear them out.

Scene 7: Hacker Base

Arbiter and Master Chief are following Timothy to a discrete location.

• Timothy: You strike me as a rather composed individual compared to your friend Arbiter but I suggest that you both keep quiet and let me do the talking. They hear your voices and they're gonna think you're fucking around and that won't be good. I know it's a video game but these guys are serious buisness.
• Master Chief: HAY, IM A COMPOST INDIVIDUEL 2
• Arbiter: Ain't that the truth.
• Timothy: You'll run into a lot of quote unquote "hackers" online that are all talk no walk, just kids with text editors but, these guys do have the ability to hack your account and probably will if you annoy them or even look at them the wrong way. Take it from me.

Arbiter, Master Chief and Timothy approach the entrance to the Hacker Base. Nathan is standing outside keeping guard and Timothy stops and turns to face Arbiter and Chief.

• Arbiter: I hope you're taking note, Chief. Jon's account and personal info are at risk here. Keep your damn mouth shut.
• Master Chief: no u

Arbiter turns and faces Chief, both of them stop walking.

• Arbiter: Hey. This is serious. In fact, maybe it'd be a good idea for you to just wait outside.
• Master Chief: fuck u, i wana come
• Arbiter: Then you'd better behave.
• Master Chief: stop tr33ting me liek a kid u fucking fag, lets do this. LOLOLOLOLOL

Master Chief resumes following Timothy while Arbiter shakes his head in disappointment. Timothy approaches Nathan at the entrance,

• Nathan: You been here before?
• Timothy: Yeah, I used to be a member
• Nathan: "Used" to be?
• Timothy: Yes.
• Nathan: So what the fuck are you doing here, and who are they?
• Timothy: Friends, they need help with something publicly only you guys can help with.

Nathan turns and faces Arbiter and Chief.

• Nathan: What level are you guys?
• Timothy: Uh, they're not on the forum.
• Nathan: ...You're kidding me right? Get the fuck out of here now.
• Timothy: Look, this situation is kind of a biggie, really--
• Nathan: There's several players with Sniper Rifles positioned around this entrance with their cursors over everyone of your fucking heads right now and they're gonna drop you if you don't turn around and move your asses.

Master Chief and Arbiter look around themselves to see where the Snipers are but they don't see anything.

• Nathan: Might not seem like a big deal but you do not wanna get hit with these weapons, believe me.
• Master Chief: Y?
• Nathan: What the fuck was that? How old are you?
• Timothy: Look man, we are not here to cause any trouble, these guys are cool, they're not going to report anything they see here today. they just need your help.
• Nathan: ...I'll be right behind you. Be careful with your movements, all of you. Don't fuck with anything.
• Timothy: Fine, c'mon guys.

Timothy goes into the entrance and Arbiter follows after him. Just as Chief enters, he stops and faces Nathan.

• Nathan: The fuck are you looking at? Move.
• Master Chief: ur big lol

Master Chief then resumes following Arbiter and Timothy. Nathan then follows after the group into the base.

Scene 8: Hack Base Interior

Upon entering that Hacker Base, the area is filled with Warthogs, Mongooses, Revenants, A Wraith, and a Scorpion Tank.

• Master Chief: wow this cave's alm0st as big as ur moms vagina arbitur
• Arbiter: Shut up!
• Master Chief: :( {Sad Face}

Arbiter, Chief, Timothy, and Nathan are taken to the Hacker Leader. The Leader is surrounded by an array of weapons and armor abilities besides him. The Leader turns and faces the group.

• Hacker Leader: Who are these guys?
• Nathan: They're not on the forum but they're in dire need of our assistance apparently.
• Timothy: I used to be on the forum,
• Hacker Leader: ...And you brought these two with you?
• Timothy: Yes, and they need help with--
• Hacker Leader: You've got some serious balls man, I've gotta hand it to you.
• Timothy: uh--
• Hacker Leader: What made you think we'd be cool with this? If you WERE on the forum, you should know this is a tight group!
• Timothy: It's that big Donnovich wedding today, the groom's fooling around apparently, this is big. These guys are friends with the bride--
• Hacker Leader: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! However this is actually a fantastic opporitunity for us to test our new wares! So I have to thank you for coming. Nathan, kill this prick!
• Timothy: What?! Nonono--!

Nathan shoots Timothy in the head and frags him on the spot.

• Arbiter: Whoa...
• Master Chief: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
• Hacker Leader: What the fuck? Oh yeah, that's hilarious, you fucking idiots! Nathan!

Nathan reloads and points the magnum at Arbiter's head.

• Master Chief: UH OH SPAGETIOH
• Hacker Leader: Give me one good reason my partner shouldn't kill you and your stupid fucking friend and take your account info!
• Master Chief: UR TALKING 2 ME RITE? THEN LOOK @ ME NOT HIM
• Arbiter: ...How the hell does that work?
• Hacker Leader: Well we couldn't have pulled it off without a guy on the inside opening some back doors for us; little mods from player profiles, not only bans the account of players, or frags, but retrieves their passwords, and sends them staright to an email account we've setup. From there we can change the password, and take note of your credit card information, billing address, phone number, birthday; use that to get other types of data: locate social networking profiles, access photo albums...
• Arbiter: Jesus Christ...
• Master Chief: OMG THATS SO L33T, CAN WE HAS L33T HAX PLZ? LOL
• Nathan: Shut the fuck up.
• Hacker Leader: What the fuck is this guy's problem? He seriously speaks in shorthand? *laughs* Just smoke these guys.
• Arbiter: No, wait!!
• Nathan: You're good right there. Move again and I'll blow your fucking head off.
• Arbiter: Look, we're not here to cause trouble! We don't give a crap what you're doing here! My friend is getting married to a complete fucknut. It's a huge mistake and it has to be stopped. We've been banned from the server and if there's any way you can help us get around that, it'd be much appreciated.

A long pause occurs, after the leader finally talks, Nathan lowers his magnum and turns to face the Leader.

• Hacker Leader: ...We have no means of lifting a server ban, you're fucked.
• Arbiter: I recall Trent Donnovich saying he made a typo adding us to his server's guest list. Our real tag's been removed. Whatever typo he made might still be registered. Does that give us anything to work with?
• Hacker Leader: A typo?! How the fuck are we suppose to know how it was mistyped?! It could be anything!
• Arbiter: It's a simple tag. Seven characters. The last three are just initials. 'CJG'. It's likely he just switched two of them around accidentally. 'JCG' of something. It's a small window of possibilities.
• Hacker Leader: Hmm... In that case, I know a guy that can test them against this guest list for access.
• Arbiter: Then what?
• Hacker Leader: We narrow it down and create a new account under the registered tag. Unless it's already taken.
• Arbiter: And what if it is?
• Hacker Leader: We take if back.

Scene 9: Sword Base

Jon GJC is playing a game on Sword Base.

• Unnamed Player: Yo, Jon GJC, get your head out of your ass and in the game, man.
• Jon GJC: Sorry.

He walks through one of the corridors, and notices one of the hackers standing in front of the doorway.

• Jon GJC: Um... Excuse me, I think you're in my way.

Another hacker appears behind, and frags him.

Scene 10: Hacker Base Interior

The Hacker Leader has managed to use the Jon GJC account to get Arbiter and Chief back into the weddings server.

• Hacker Leader: So we got you in, but I gather you'll need a few perks to get the job done.
• Arbiter: Any recommendations?
• Hacker Leader: Well I've told you about our weapons.
• Arbiter: And when we join the server we'll spawn with them?
• Hacker Leader: Yes. Game type rules are overwritten, set your profile to a flash drive and edit it accordingly with the software we've given you, and you're good to go.
• Arbiter: Do you have any that just ban accounts without sending you their passwords? We're not out to wreck lifes here. Just to hold a few people so I can say what needs to be said. They have a network administrator that can probably lift the bans right after.
• Hacker Leader: This is what we've got. Take it or leave it.
• Arbiter: Damn. What about melee kills and assassinations? Will they have the same effect?
• Hacker Leader: Yes. The effects are initially tied to your profile, and then they carry over to whatever weapons you spawn with, or collect, melee and assassination kills included. And be careful because weapons will also retain their effect when you drop them, so make sure no unfriendlies take you out and use them on you. We also have a number of abilities we can give you.
• Arbiter: Like armor abilities?
• Hacker Leader: No. Like cheats.
• Master Chief: WOW LIEK INFININITY HEALTHS AND SHIT??
• Hacker Leader: We're still working on that one, but we can give you unlimited ammo, unlimited energy, destroy all X, X being anything that can explode. Fusion coils, propane tanks, inactive grenades.

Master Chief picks up a spartan laser and a sniper rifle, and runs out of the base.

• Master Chief: THIS IS SO FUCKING BEAST LOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOL

Arbiter looks at the Hacker Leader.

• Arbiter: Thanks.

Scene 11: Leaving Hacker Base

Arbiter, with a Magnum and DMR, and Chief, with a Spartan Laser and Sniper Rifle, depart the hacker base with their new abilities, heading to the wedding server, to crash it.

• Master Chief: THIS IS GONA B TEH BOMB SON

• Arbiter: We're not going there to massacre, Chief.

• Master Chief: HOW LONG DO WE GOTS?

• Arbiter: Ceremony starts in about twenty minutes. We just gotta grab that software off the internet.

• Master Chief: THEN WE CAN GO?

• Arbiter: Just as soon as I've slipped into more appropriate attire.

• Master Chief: >:D {Mischievous Face}