Opening credits roll.

(Activate plays in the background)

Act 1: AloneEdit

(Fade to The Arbiter)

  • Arbiter: Welcome back to Hypermail, everybody! Your number one source of hypermail, where the mail couldn't be more hyper.

(Arbiter turns left)

  • Arbiter: Chief, you said you'd like to go first, I believe.

(Cut outwards to reveal that Master Chief isn't there)

  • Arbiter: ... Chief?


  • Arbiter: Here we fucking go again. Where the hell are you?

Arbiter looks downward, as the camera pans to a small piece of paper.

  • Arbiter: The plot fucking thickens.

Arbiter picks up the paper as the camera pans left.

  • Arbiter: Dear Chief. If you freeze yourself in the freezer for thousands of years, lots of Halo games will be released.

Arbiter walks leftward, we then cut to the freezer and pan upward. He attempts to pry open the freezer door, with success.

  • Arbiter: For fuck's sake.

Arbiter: It's still 2011, dipshit. Congratulations, you've traveled one minute into the future. I can't believe you actually tried to freeze yourself.

Chief: HOLD ON 1 MINITS ARBITUR. / "r u srsly traied to told me that halo 4 still didnt came out?

  • Arbiter: Yes, Chief. Halo 4 won't be out for a while yet.
  • Chief: :( [sad face] / NO / NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Arbiter: "Though if you really wanted to nail time travel I'd suggest you consult your grammar. That's got it pretty down pat.

Act 2: Together againEdit

(Cut to Arbiter and Chief together)

  • Arbiter: "Before we answer a couple more of your messages, Chief and I would just like to thank everyone from the bottom of our hearts for tuning in as long as you all have. We've almost reached the end of our first season of Hypermail as well as the sixth season of story episodes. This hasn't been getting quite as many hits as the latter but I think it's had an okay run.
  • Chief: i spank u frum the bottom of mai butt. / lol
  • Arbiter: We very much appreciate all of your support. I hope Chief has been, at the very least, tolerable.

Arbiter: Here's our next message. This is from Nick.

(Pan upward right)

Arbiter: "Dear Arbiter, I've watched every single season of Arby and the Chief, and it's great. The only thing that's holding it down is you." / "You're the shittiest character of the lot."

  • Chief: ROFL
  • Arbiter: (cont.) "I hate your voice, I hate your personality, and you just think you're the coolest person when you're just a depressed little shit."

Chief: "hahhahhahhah"

Arbiter: (cont.) "I mean come on, your only friend was a spider. That's pretty low. You have way too much dialouge and never give Chief a chance to shine his awesomeness."

Chief: :) / "c arbitur?" / "c?

  • Arbiter: (cont.) "Why can't Jon just kill you off already? Or give Chief an opportunity to beat the shit out of you? Honestly answer. Chief, you're the bomb. Your voice is boss and you're the best Halo player I've ever seem. Keep up the good work and keep rolling in the bitches. Sorry to hear about your dick cancer dude, really am."

Chief: nah its cool nick / that gots cleered rite up / :D

  • Arbiter: "And, if I may say, it couldn't have happened to anybody less deserving." Thanks a lot for your hypermail, Nick. In regard to why Jon hasn't killed me off or had Chief beat the shit out of me...  I guess because I'm the yin to the Chief's yang. Much of the entertainment value lies in our conflict. Could you really tolerate Chief being the sole voice of the show with nothing to counter-act his offensiveness?

(Chief jumps with joy)



  • Chief: :D / and our last hyparmaieles of teh days is frum mislav

(Pan upward right)

  • Chief: "stop being such a rasest seckist faget u pussy" / no
  • Arbiter: Well, that's all the time we have for this week. Unfortunately there won't be another story episode until January, but there will be Christmas and New Years shorts airing over the holidays. Merry Christmas, everybody!
  • Chief: fuck you

End credits roll.