← "Conflict - Part 2" "Cold" "Wedding" →


Scene 1: Jon's ApartmentEdit

Viewer discretion warning is shown. Opening credits roll.

Jon paces around talking to an aquaintance on his cell phone. Arbiter, Chief, and Cortana are seen lying around frozen in position.

  • Jon: Alright, where do you want to meet? [beat] I said where do you want to meet? [beat] No, dude that's too far. I'd have to drive. [beat] I told you I can't drive. I can't find my wallet anywhere I've turned my goddamn apartment upside down looking for this fuckin' thing I can't find it. [beat] Cause my driver's licenses is in it. [beat] Screw you, if I get pulled over I'm fucked. [beat] Okay, good, I can walk there. I'll see you in twenty minutes. [beat] Yeah I'm leaving right now.

Jon exits the apartment. Arbiter looks around the corner.

  • Arbiter: All clear!
  • Cortana: Finally.
  • Chief: FTW

Arbiter grabs the Xbox controller. He and Chief sit down on the couch. Cortana walks by to the kitchen.

  • Cortana: Want some coffee, Arbiter?
  • Arbiter: Sure.
  • Chief: sammich 4 meh plz?
  • Cortana[to Chief]: I asked the Arbiter not you.

Chief grabs a liquor bottle and throws it at Cortana. It shatters on a wall near her.


Cortana looks at Chief angrily.

  • Chief [lying]: arbitur / y u does that / u cud have hurt cortana / GOD FORB1D

Cortana goes into the kitchen.

  • Arbiter [sarcastic]: I know. What was I thinking?
  • Chief: i dunt no but u shud no betar

Chief reaches under a cushion and pulls out Jon's wallet.

  • Arbiter: What the hell is that...? Is that Jon's wallet?
  • Chief: mebbeh
  • Arbiter: He was searching EVERYWHERE for that!
  • Chief: lol

Arbiter snatches the wallet.

  • Chief: HEY!
  • Arbiter: This doesn't belong to you! Gimme it!

They start wrestling for the wallet.

  • Chief: jeesus christ! / dun be a vajina!

Cortana arrives at the scene.

  • Cortana: What the hell is this?
  • Arbiter: Chief stole Jon's wallet!
  • Chief: ROFL
  • Cortana: It was YOU?
  • Arbiter: Give me the fucking wallet!
  • Chief: NOOOOOOO! :( [sad face]
  • Arbiter: It's not yours!
  • Cortana: Alright, STOP! Let go of the wallet, Chief!
  • Arbiter: Yeah!

Chief lets go.

  • Chief: FGT

Chief punches Arbiter in the side of the head, grabs the wallet, and runs to the end of the couch.

  • Cortana: CHIEF! I'm gonna count to THREE ...and that wallet BETTER be in front of me!
  • Chief: u dun scaer meh
  • Cortana: One...
  • Chief: GO 2 HELL U SKANK
  • Cortana: Two...
  • Chief: g0d damit!

Chief gives up and gives the wallet to Cortana.

Scene 2: The next day...Edit

Arbiter is seen playing a game. The door is heard opening.

  • Arbiter: Chief? Is that you?
  • Chief: ya

Chief climbs onto the couch with a cup that has "change plz" written on it.

  • Arbiter: What the hell is all this?
  • Chief: i was getting monnies
  • Arbiter: How long were you outside for?
  • Chief: 9 hourz

Arbiter inspects the cup.

  • Arbiter: There isn't even any change in here.

Chief stands up surprised.

  • Chief: Wat?
  • Arbiter: In fact, it looks like someone just spit in this.

Arbiter pours saliva out of the cup. Chief sits down sadly.

  • Chief: :( [sad face]
  • Arbiter: Okay, what's going on? Stealing wallets? Collecting change? What's all this about?
  • Chief: i just.../ i just want 2 b able to afoard cold storage!1 :'(
  • Arbiter: [beat] It's FREE.
  • Chief: wtf?

Scene 3: Cold StorageEdit

Various parts of Cold Storage are seen as Arbiter and Chief explore the map. They meet up in the center.

  • Chief: this map is liek cill otu
  • Arbiter: It is Chill Out, retard.
  • Chief: stfu

The two are seen on the couch in the real world.

  • Chief: y wud bungie give stuff away n e wae? / u no 4/ no monies
  • Arbiter: I suppose the concept of generocity is completely foriegn to you.
  • Chief: [beat] WATS TAHT
  • Arbiter: Sometimes making others happy is infinitly more rewarding than money. Because what is money at the end of the day? Paper and metal. Simple material. Memories are forever.
  • Chief: [beat] i dun get it / if i was bunjee i'd be all liek " HAAAAY / GIVE MEH UR MONNIES" / LOL
  • Arbiter: Sigh.

The next morning...

Chief is seen with a controller preparing to play on Cold Storage.


Arbiter runs over.

  • Arbiter: What?
  • Arbiter: Really?
  • Chief: Y U DELEET IT?
  • Arbiter: Huh? It wasn't me!
  • Chief: TEHN WHO DID IT?

Chief gets up angrily.

  • Chief: taht fuckign bitch! IMA KIK UR FUCKIGN ASS CORTENA!
  • Arbiter: Wow, Settle down. It wasn't her either.
  • Chief: who teh fuck wuz it then?
  • Arbiter: I don't know, Cheif. First Todd and Travis, now this? Something very strange is going on.

Credits roll. The end.