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← "Cortana" "Conflict - Part 1" "Conflict - Part 2" →
This is the transcript for part 1 of the second season finale, Conflict.    

Scene 1: Jon's Living Room/Grand Theft Auto IVEdit

Arbiter is seen playing "Grand Theft Auto IV" by himself along with two other players. In game, Arbiter's character is seen exiting a Taxi and boarding a Helicopter. Arbiter then takes off into the sky and starts flying forward.

  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Yo dude, where are you?
  • Arbiter's Friend #2: Uh, "Happiness Island" by the statue. Can you come get me?
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Alright un, hold on, I have to go get a chopper first.
  • Arbiter: I have one. I'll pick you up.
  • Arbiter's Friend #2: Sweet.
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Oh, okay cool. Whoa, someone just joined.
  • Jeremy: Yo, what up, bitches?!
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Oh god...
  • Arbiter's Friend #2: Here we go--
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Fuck, there should be an option to keep these dumbasses from joining.
  • Jeremy: Yo, which one of you honkies wants to ride with this bad mother fucker?!
  • Arbiter: Do you always talk like that?
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Yeah, really?
  • Arbiter's Friend #2: Yeah.
  • Jeremy: Word, dog! Yo man get in my ride, let's roll, bitch!
  • Arbiter: Do your parents know?
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Probably not.

Arbiter's Friend #2 chuckles at their sarcasm.

  • Jeremy: Bitch, please! I don't got no mom and dad, I grew up on the streets yo!
  • Jeremy's Dad: Time for bed, Jeremy.
  • Jeremy: Fuck!


Jeremy is heard taking off his headset.

  • Jeremy: No, ten more minutes dad!
  • Jeremy's Dad: No. You've been playing that video game long enough.
  • Jeremy: Okay five! Five more minutes!
  • Jeremy's Dad: No. Turn the Xbox off now, Jeremy. I'm not going to ask you again.
  • Jeremy: DAD! Five more minutes! PLEASE DAD!!
  • Jeremy's Dad: Okay. Okay, five more minutes, but then I expect that TV to be turned off. Can you do that?
  • Jeremy: Okay! Fine!

Jeremy is heard putting his headset back on.

  • Jeremy: I'm back, bitches!
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: *snickering* Dude, you do realize your mic was on the whole time right?
  • Arbiter's Friend #2: *snickering* Jesus Christ.
  • Jeremy: Shut the fuck up, bitches! Shit! Don't hate the player, hate the game, honkies!
  • Arbiter's Friend #2: Um, FYI, I'm actually black. Okay?
  • Jeremy: Oh, um, r-really?
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Oh my god.
  • Arbiter: Drop the act and stop talking like that.
  • Jeremy: Man, FUCK YOU, Mother Fucker! Pop a cap in yo ass! Bitch!
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Oh my god, I don't believe this...

Chief comes in with his arms crossed.

  • Chief: wats ^ G??
  • Arbiter: Just playing GTA online. Free mode. With some douchebag that just joined.
  • Chief: he must b if hes playign w/ U, LOL, wats his gt?/
  • Arbiter: "XxXsm0k3w33d4lyph420XxX". How original.
  • Chief: ORLY? hes on mai frinds !ist!!1 GIMME TAHT FAGGOT

Overjoyed at that friend of his is online, Master Chief grabs the controller out of Arbiter's hands and starts playing Grand Theft Auto IV himself. In game, Chief bails out of the helicopter and the GTA character dies in game.

  • Chief: DOOD, "SMOKE", wats ^?? MC IN DA HOUS!!1one!
  • Jeremy: Oh sweet! Yo, Chief, what's happening, dog?!
  • Arbiter: Oh for Christ's sake.
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Oh my god.
  • Arbiter: I should have known you'd be friends with this moron.
  • Chief: "SMOKE", LETS GO CAP SUM BITCHEZ

In game, the GTA character starts running across the street, shooting at several people.

  • Jeremy: I heard that, mother fucker!
  • Jeremy's Dad: Hey, HEY! Watch your language, Jeremy! And I thought I told you to turn this shit off!
  • Jeremy: --Fuck!

Jeremy is heard taking off his headset again.

  • Jeremy: But Dad, my friend just came on!
  • Jeremy's Dad: I don't care. Turn it off now and get into bed.
  • Jeremy: No!
  • Chief: tel ur dad hes a fucking asshoel
  • Jeremy's Dad: --I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. I'm counting to three...
  • Jeremy: DAD!! STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!
  • Jeremy's Dad: Excuse me?! That's it! Get into bed!--
  • Jeremy: No! Dad! Stop it, you're so mean! Don't!!

Jeremy and his dad are heard arguing and screaming at one another while Arbiter's friends are heard snickering in the background.

  • Jeremy's Dad: Stop screaming!
  • Jeremy: NO!! MOM!!!!

Finally, Arbiter's friends crack up and are now heard laughing loudly.

  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Oh my god!
  • Arbiter's Friend #2: Oh thank god for that!
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Oh my god, oh man that was priceless! Holy shit!
  • Master Chief: shut up u punk a$$ bitchez
  • Arbiter's Friend #2: Excuse me?
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Who the fuck are you?
  • Chief: UR MOMS NEW BF, WATCH UR MOUTH OR I WUN TAEK U OTU 4 ICE CR33M YOUNG MAN
  • Arbiter's Friend #1: Fuck you asshole!
  • Arbiter: I thought you were hanging out with Travis...?
  • Chief: travis is a fuckign dick, i r n0t hang out w/ him no moar
  • Arbiter: What happened?

Scene 2: Jon's BedroomEdit

One hour earlier when Travis and Master Chief are spying on Cortana standing there next to Jon's bed.

  • Chief: u sure abot tihs?/
  • Travis: What? Yeah yeah dude, trust me. Wanna get Cortana to like you? You go up to her, you do what I told you, and you readout to her what's on that paper I gave you.
  • Chief: if u sae so
  • Travis: Trust me dude, girls love it when you do this. Cortana will be all over you man.
  • Chief: =D

First, Master Chief startes walking for about two feet then turns to Travis.

  • Travis: Go! GO!

Then, he then turns back to Cortana then walks up to her from behind, then spanks her behind.

  • Cortana: AH! WHAT THE HELL!
  • Chief: wait

Furthermore, he checks his paper that Travis gave to him and started reading the lines Travis wrote for Chief.

  • Chief: "I MUST HAV FOUND TEH ARK" "B CUZ UR ASS IS OTU OF TIHS WROLD"

Finally, Cortana throws Master Chief at a glass mirror.

  • Master Chief: OW"1 JESUS CHRIST
  • Cortana: Get a life, you fucking degenerate.

After Cortana walks away, Travis then starts snickering then laughing so hard, he falls on the ground laughing.

  • Travis: AHH HAHAHAHAHA!
  • Chief: >:|

Scene 3: Jon's Living RoomEdit

One hour later after Travis' cracked up prank on Chief.

  • Arbiter: So you're not hanging out with him anymore?
  • Chief: NO ADN TOD IS PISSIGN MEH OFF 2

Chief throws the game controller and the microphone, then confronts Arbiter.

  • Chief: i r gon t33ch BOTH thoes asshoelz a les0n tehy wil NEVAR FORG3T

Chief walks away.

Scene 4: Jon's Living Room, Night timeEdit

At 3:43 AM, Todd and Travis are sleeping, while Chief stands in front of them, holding his knife behind his back. He waits for them to wake up. Todd eventually wakes up.

  • Todd: Chief? Is that you?
  • Chief: it r MASTUR ch33f 2 u mai frind.

Travis then wakes up, sniffling and mumbling.

  • Travis: Hmm? What's..what is..what's..what's going on..? What's..what's..what's going on?
  • Todd: You okay?
  • Chief: ive nevar b33n bettar tod.
  • Todd: What time is it?

Todd tries to look up at the clock, checking what time it is. Chief suddenly has a knife showing.

  • Chief: it r tiem 2 dai, tod.

Todd looks at Chief holding a knife and gets surprised.

  • Chief: tiem 2 dai. (He charges them) MAI ROFLKNIEF GOEZ SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
  • Travis: What the fuck?!
  • Todd: Ahhhhhhhh!!

Will Todd and Travis survive? Or will Master Chief get rid of them for good? The decision is yours. Go to DigitalPh33r.blogspot.com and vote in the poll to decide their fate.

End credits.