|← "Newcomers"||"Cortana"||"Conflict - Part 1" →|
Viewer discretion warning is shown. Opening credits roll.
Arbiter is seen playing Grand Theft Auto IV. Travis sits next to him watching.
- Travis: Dude, missions are boring. Do some cool shit.
- Arbiter: "No, the story is awesome.
- Travis: "Go to a strip club!"
- Arbiter: "No. Shut your ass up already.
- Travis: "Ooh, pick up a prostitute!"
- Arbiter: "I'm not going to do that.
- Travis: "Do multiplayer!"
- Arbiter: "No. Shut the fuck up already! [beat] Where is everybody?
- Travis: "Todd and Cortana are on some gay date or something. I dunno where Chief is.
- Arbiter: "That can't be good."
Arbiter continues to play. Travis tries to wrestle the controller away from him.
- Travis: "Gimme that fuckin' controller!
- Arbiter: "No!
Todd and Cortana are seen laying on Jon's bed. Chief spies on them from the door way.
- Todd: "So, do you enjoy living here?"
- Cortana: "Not really.
- Todd: "No?"
- Cortana: I'm just a girl gamer living with an alien and a sexist, mentally defective homophobe who's days consist of going onto "lolcats.com" and watching porn.
- Chief [to himself]: "wtf? sh3 caled meh an alien / DUM BITCH
- Todd: "I understand. Travis is a lot the same.
- Cortana: "I'm glad you're here though.
- Todd: "Really? I'm glad you're here.
Chief stares angrily. Chief is then seen writing on paper with a sharpie. The paper says "plan 2 break up slut and dooshbag". The screen centers on a part that says "1: call teh police".
Chief is seen with Jon's cell phone.
- Operator: "Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?
- Chief: "police plz
- Operator: "Please hold."
- Policeman: "Police Department, what seems to be the problem?
- Chief: "HALP / thers this fag0t in mai house
- Policeman: "Calm down, sir. Has someone broken into your house?"
- Chief: "not rly / he caem in a box
- Policeman: "What?"
- Chief: "ya / hes fiev inches tall and he's st33ling mai girlfriend
The policeman hangs up, thinking that Chief's call was a prank phone call.
- Chief:"hello? :( [sad face]
Travis is seen playing GTA IV. Arbiter watches.
- Travis: "Ah fuck! I'm tying to get away from these fuckin cops and the map's on this stupid little circle dot thing! And these fuckin cop dots just come out fucking nowhere and the the circle thing resets and I can't get away! This game so gay! Fuck!!
Arbiter stares, stunned.
Chief is seen reviewing his plan. The next plan is shown."2: show cortana tod r ch33ting on her". Chief is seen approaching Cortana with a rolled up paper.
- Chief: "cortana?
- Cortana: "What, Chief?
- Chief: "im sry im teh 1 tellign u this / [beat] butt ur bf is ch33ting on u
- Cortana: "What ar you talking about?
- Chief: "i hav proof / u c?"
Chief unrolls the paper on the floor in front of her. It's a crudedrawing a "girl" and "Todd".
- Cortana [sarcastic]: "This definatly looks real."
- Chief: "ya / im so sry-
- Cortana: "But how do I know this photo is not of you? You're both Master Chief figures.
She walks away. Chief stares at the paper.
- Chief: "FUUUCK
Arbiter and Travis are seen playing GTA IV.
- Travis: "Hey, dude. Check this out, check this out.
Travis bails out of his car while going at top speed.
- Travis: "Yeeaah! That was awesome!"
- Arbiter: "Can I play some more missions now?"
- Travis: "No, bitch! I'm gonna go into this strip club.
Travis goes into a strip club.
- Arbiter: "Come on, this is dumb. Let me play!
- Travis: "What? Are you gay? Yeah! Sweet! Naked girls! whoo!"
- Arbiter: (annoyed) "Sigh.
Travis is seen shooting up the strip club.
- Travis: "Yeeaah! Whoo! This is awesome!
Arbiter looks around the corner of the couch sees Chief looking at his plan.
- Arbiter: "Chief? What are you doing over there?
- Chief: "nun of ur busnes / fag0t"
Arbiter goes back to Travis. Chief's last resort is seen:"3: KIL TODD".
Arbiter returns to see Travis about to get a lap dance from a stripper.
- Travis: "Oh yeah! This is so hot!"
- Arbiter: "For god's sake!
They start grappling for the controller.
- Arbiter: "Give me that fucking controller!
- Travis: "No!
- Arbiter: "Let go, asshole!
Credits roll. The end.