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Scene 1: Jon's KitchenEdit

After Master Chief finishes making a batch of cookies and puts them on a tray, he drags them onto the kitchen stove, wearing an apron made out of a paper towel that says: "FUCK TEH COOK."

  • Chief: ARBITUR / get ur litel bitch ass up h33r for 1 secinds / just 1 singel secinds, k? k arbitur?

Arbiter climbs on the stove, after Chief calls on Arbiter to come on the stove to show him something.

  • Arbiter: What is it?
  • Chief: check it out mother fucker

Arbiter walks toward the tray with a batch of cookies.

  • Arbiter: ... Did you make these?
  • Chief: yep yep yep / all 4 u buddy / all 4 u.
  • Arbiter: Yeah, right. ... Seriously?
  • Chief: who else big gai?

Chief pats Arbiter's arm in a friendship way of giving cookies to a good friend.

  • Chief: :) [Happy face] go on / taked one / ENJOY
  • Arbiter: Very nice of you, Chief. I'm shocked.

As soon as Arbiter goes in to eat one, Chief knocks it out of his hand.

  • Chief: fifty bux.
  • Arbiter: Are you fucking kidding me? Fifty bucks for a tray of cookies?
  • Chief: NO BUTT PIRAETE / EACH / but i can let u has teh whoal tray foar treh fiddy.
  • Arbiter: Eat shit.
  • Chief: JESUS CHRIST k fien / fiddy bux foar the tray / o and u can also has extra c00kies 4 10 bux a pop

The screen cuts to two cookies on a paper towel next to Chief.

  • Arbiter: "Extra cookies" my ass, you took them straight out of the tray.
  • Chief: well wtfs the point of baking moar c00kies 18r on when ur alredy filled up on th33se c00kies dumbass?
  • Arbiter: "Fuck the cook." Truer words have never been spoken. I refuse to buy an incomplete product, let alone for the outrageous figure you've come up with.
  • Chief: i has teh rites 2 sell however many c00kies i wantid at watever prises i chose.
  • Arbiter: True, but I'm trying to draw your attention to the questionable ethic of claiming to be selling a "whole" tray that's quite visibly not whole.
  • Chief: I DESIDES WAT A WHOLE TRAY IS FUCKFACE / K? stop thinking ur a c00kie baker gai person and teling me wen and how i sh00d baked my 1337 ass c00kies
  • Arbiter: It's my vision that's telling me what a whole tray is. I can see you've initially baked a full tray of cookies but then taken a couple out. I doubt there's much reason behind that beyond extortion, that's all. Your cookies look like shit, anyway.
  • Chief: omg arbitur u dusnt even noes how gud they r / ur just liek "im arbitur im fucking retarted, this isnt the whoel trays, that must n33n th33se c00kies suck"
  • Arbiter: I'm not questioning the quality of your cookies, based on the fact that the tray is incomplete, rather that it looks like as though somebody pissed violent diarrhea from their asshole into wads of dough.
  • Chief: FUCK YOU
  • Arbiter: Don't resent your customers for being resistant to manipulative business tactics, they just escalate if they aren't stopped in their tracks.
  • Arbiter: No, shove your ugly cookies up your ass.

Master Chief throws his cookie at Arbiter's face.

Credits roll. The end.