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Scene 1: Jon's Living Room[]
[Arbiter is playing the ending level of Mass Effect 3]
- Liara: Shepard, they're launching fighters!
[Chief walks in with a big pile of paperwork]
- Chief: ASS ERECT / LOL
ARBITER: Hilarious. Bugger off.
- Chief: hows ur shitty gaem? / u enjoying ur shitty gaem arbitur? / r u hasing lots of funs? hows ur shitty endings? / u liek ur shitty endings arbitur? / wat color did u asplode the galacksies with? such a hard choice / so hard / their all such graet colors / LOL
ARBITER: You haven't touched a single game in the trilogy. You're in no place to offer an opinion. You wouldn't know a good ending if it bit your nutsack anyway.
- Chief: how many mass effect 3 endings does it t00k 2 screwed in a lightbulbs? / five -- one 2 screwed it in and thr33 2 suck ass LOL
ARBITER: That's four. And stop parroting shit from troll threads, you witless twat.
- Chief: WHOA WHOA ? HAY / dusnt t00k ur angers out w/ me buddy / its k tho, ur just butthurt that ur gaem is so shitty, its k, i underst00d arbitur / i underst00d
ARBITER: What do I care if a game is shit? I'd just play something else. This isn't shit -- hence why I'm drawn to play it.
- Chief: omg / p00r sual, just cant cum 2 turns w/ the fax that mai favorite gaems r beter than urs / but has no fears arbitur. dont has n e fears k? STOP HASING THEM RITE NAO. cuz u no wat arbitur? does u no wat? gess. gess wat
ARBITER: Go the flying fuck away.
- Chief: alrite fien ill just told u -- im righting my own ending 2 ass erect 3!1one / arint that ossim? isnt i ossim? arbitur?
[Beat]
- Chief: dusnt u think thats ossim arbitur? arbiter anser me. anser mai questchin rite nao.
ARBITER: No.
- Chief: im such a moar beter righter than jon, that hack can eat his hearts out and suck a cuple cocks to washed them down / does u wana r33d wat i has so far?
[Arbiter sits up and looks at Chief]
ARBITER: Wow, seriously? How many pages is that? I'm not reading all that, that's mental.
- Chief: y not?
ARBITER: I'm busy.
[Arbiter sits back down and continues to play Mass Effect 3. Chief then pulls the plug on the Xbox 360, turning off the game to get Arbiter's attention]
- Chief: k so it w00d b supir c00l if u taeked sum notes whiel ur r33ding it and gived me n e advises u can thinked of 2 maed it beter
ARBITER:: My game was autosaving. My last manual save was hours ago. If you corrupted my save, I'm tossing you out the fucking window.
- Chief: JUST R33D IT ASSHOLE / pls? ull laff, ull crai -- it'l d33ply impact ur lives liek i d33ply impact ur mom / ROFL >:D [mischievous face]
ARBITER: Sigh. And you want me to take notes? You seriously want my advice?
- Chief: who elses buddy? i rly value ur onions
ARBITER: And you'd actually consider it?
- Chief: fuck no -- were out of toilit papirs and i n33d sumthing 2 wiep my ass with LOL
ARBITER: I thought you said you valued my "opinions".
- Chief: thats rite arbitur, in confidint they will polish mai starfish with maximen conforts
ARBITER: Forget it. Besides, nobody's interested in seeing Master Chief blast his way onto the Citadel and ride Shepard around like a pony as Chief destroys the Reapers and saves the Earth single-handedly -- least of all me.
- Chief: WTF / >:( [angry face] u nevar told me u read it already!!1one
ARBITER: I haven't. Being Bungie's number one faithful follower to the grave and beyond, why else would you work for Bioware's benefit other than for shameless self-promotion? Obvious logical chasms of your scenario aside, you can't be wedging in brand new characters at the very end of a story who interfere with the plot significantly.
- Chief: UM yes i can its easy / easy as caek / piece of pie / watch me
ARBITER: It's terrible writing and a slap in the face to the viewers.
- Chief: HAY ur mom lieks a slap in the face after i sk33t on it / who is u 2 assumed wat ppl will like arbitur? who is u huh? lmao
ARBITER: And besides, flawed as it may be, Bioware is under no obligation to change the game's ending. If a pandering alternative ending is forced into the game, it ceases to be a true artistic work. Art is about evoking emotional response through personal expression.
- Chief: only u culd made video gaemes sound that fucking gay dued, just saying
ARBITER: And, flaws included, the game is still a stellar entertainment package relative to nearly every other available title, and I don't believe Bioware deserves the amount of flak they've been getting lately.
- Chief: its not n33rly as stelar as mai package / ;) [winking face]
ARBITER: Sure, they may have broken a promise or two, but it only seems logical to me that the problems with the ending probably stem moreso from time constraints than creative decisions. I say fair play to them, they took on an incredibly ambitious project and it turned out pretty great.
- Chief: yeh except foar all the fucking talking and evrything else
ARBITER: The talking is one of the greatest things about the series. The acting and camera work is awesome.
- Chief: moar ossim than our shows acting and camera wurks?
- Arbiter: We both know that's impossible.
[Arbiter then surprisingly turns around to Randall]
ARBITER: Thanks again, Randall -- by the way, you're doing a terrific job as always.
- Randall: Oh hey, no problem guys.
[End credits]