← "Da Bomb" "Double Trouble" "Hypernews II" →


Scene 1: Sword BaseEdit

Arbiter wanders around the map searching for the other team, there's no sign of them.

Arbiter stops on the catwalk leading to the yellow lift room. A teammate shows up nearby.

  • XBL Player 1: Where the hell is everybody?
  • Arbiter: No idea.

The entire red team is shown to be camping in the yellow lift room with several power weapons. Another player comes up the lift.

  • XBL Player 2: Oh, shit!

He gets assassinated.

  • XBL Player 3: Surprise bitch!
  • XBL Player 4: Man, these guys suck!

Arbiter walks into the room.

  • Arbiter: Christs sake.

The whole team goes into armor lock upon seeing him.

  • Arbiter: And there goes my faith in humanity. Good night folks.

Arbiter leaves the room.

  • XBL Player 3: Hey! Where ya goin pussy!?

Scene 2: Jon's ApartmentEdit

Arbiter is seen on Jon's bed writing the next Hypernews script. Chief shows up on the bed.

  • Chief: cum on arbitur / lets go / tiem foar moar halo traening
  • Arbiter: No. I'm working on my dialog for the next Hypernews episode. As you should be by the way.
  • Chief: fuck that / mai dialogs coem from teh harts mothar fucker
  • Arbiter: So what cherished childhood relic will you be mercilessly defiling this time?
  • Chief: i wus thinkign goldeneye
  • Arbiter: Really, Chief? What's the matter with you? What could you possibly have to say about Goldeneye that's bad?
  • Chief: u m33n besieds teh fax that it compleetly rips off Halo?
  • Arbiter: Yes besides that of course.
  • Chief: cum on arbitur / u gots 2 t33ch meh sum moar / halp ur buddy ar-bud

Chief is seen in Forge world firing at the traffic cones again. He reloads.

  • Arbiter: Steady.

Chief hits the right and middle targets but he continues to miss the left one.

Chief finally hits it.

  • Chief: FUCK YES!  i did it / i hitted all teh targats arbitur
  • Arbiter: And in a stunning four minutes.
  • Chief: so am i awesome nao?
  • Arbiter: Maybe in the traditional sense. I'm in awe that it took you that long.
  • Chief: so im ossim? im gud nao?
  • Arbiter: [beat] Sure, Chief. You're making progress.
  • Chief: :) [smiley face]

Scene 3: Trent's ChurchEdit

Dramatic music plays as Chief walks over to Cameron and Cody.

  • Chief: HEY FAGGOTS

The turn and see him.

  • Cody: Get the fuck out of here speak and spell. Mister Donnovich isn't seeing anyone right now especially you.
  • Chief: Accshely im heer foar u 2 fruitcakes / imma challange u too anothar match / im challenging u 2 anothar match / wat does u think abot that? HMMM?
  • Cameron: [laughs] You can't be serious. You want us to kick your ass again?
  • Chief: u only won last tiem cuz it was 2 agenst 1 / that wasn't fare
  • Cody: That was your idea dipshit!
  • Chief: meh and mai buddy arbitur verse u this tiem / 2 v 2 / r u in or r u gay? u haz 2 pick 1
  • Cody: What do you think?
  • Cameron: I think it's waste of time.
  • Chief:" coem on u shudn't avoid a match just cuz u no ur gonna lose / u mite lern sumthing / i mite gave u sum tips aftar / w00d u liek that? LOL
  • Cameron: Okay, tonight. But after we beat you this time, you don't pester us again.
  • Cody: And we pick the map.
  • Chief: k wat evar"
  • Cameron: Run along now.
  • Chief: o ya / SHIT wut tiem IS IT / UR m0m doesn't liek 2 be kept weighting / LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOL 

Chief runs off.

Opening credits roll.

Scene 4: Jon's ApartmentEdit

Evident from the dialogue Arbiter has found out about Chief's challenge.

  • Arbiter: You did what? Why the fuck would you do that!?
  • Chief:  butt arbitur u sed i wuz ossim / ossim possim / remembir? LOL remembir arbitur?
  • Arbiter: Yes I fucking remember, Chief! Well, I was going to work on Hypernews but now I guess we should squeeze in as much practice as possible before this match.
  • Chief: wait arbitur / we doesnt n33d praktis / im ossim / u sed i was awesome remember?
  • Arbiter: You're not awesome, Chief. I said that to make you feel better.I'm not even that awesome.
  • Chief: :( [sad face] / rly?
  • Arbiter: It's okay. We'll just practice some more and do the best we can.

Chief is seen climbing onto the chair.

  • Chief: those littel bitchez wont no wut hits them

Arbiter walks toward the chair, turns around and sees Greg with the Scrabble box.

  • Arbiter: Hay, Greg.
  • Greg: hi Arbiter :3. u wanna play scrabble?
  • Arbiter: Maybe later Greg. We've got something that's kinda important to do.

Greg crawls away dragging the Scrabble box behind him with webbing. A montage of Arbiter and Chief training in forge world is shown. Chief continues to snipe the traffic cones. Arbiter attacks Chief with a magnum, Chief fights back but is killed.

  • Chief: u sun of a bitch

Chief snipes some more. Arbiter walks through a tunnel and Chief assassinates him.

  • Chief: omg / i assasinaeted u

Chief snipes all of the targets He then no-scopes Arbiter.

  • Chief: lmao

Greg is shown to be sadly playing Scrabble by himself.

Scene 5: Sword BaseEdit

Arbiter and Chief meet up with Cameron and Cody on the ground floor.

  • Cameron: Good evening.
  • Arbiter:Hello.
  • Cody: How are you fucktwats doing today?
  • Chief: Bend ovar / LOL
  • Cody:  You ready to get this over with?
  • Arbiter: Best idea I've heard all day.
  • Chief: u gaiz get redy 2 lose
  • Cameron: Yeah, whatever you say you fuckin' idiot.

Cameron and Cody cloak. Arbiter heads up the stairs and Chief goes into another room. Chief is instantly killed by Cody.

  • Chief: goddamit

Arbiter exits onto a balcony and is sniped by Cameron. Chief tries attack Cody but is killed. Arbiter then comes up,catches Cody unawares and kills him.

Cameron runs into a room, Chief follows and attacks him. Cameron no-scopes Chief.

  • Cameron: Yeah! Wadaya think of that chump?

Cameron goes onto the rooms balcony and cloaks to continue sniping. Arbiter come from behind and assassinates him.

  • Cameron: Ah, shit!

Cody start shooting Arbiter from behind, he turns around.

  • Arbiter: I don't think so, mother fucker.

Arbiter fires his magnum until he kills Cody.

Chief is seen chasing Cody [having respawned] down a balcony, firing his assault rifle.


Chief kills Cody. Chief is assassinated by Cameron.

  • Chief: :(((((((((((

Arbiter is sniped by Cameron.

  • Arbiter: Fuck!

Cameron runs across the catwalk to another room. Chief sneaks up and assassinates him.


Chief starts teabagging his corpse. Cody come in and prepares to kill Chief. Arbiter assassinates Cody, Chief notices and stops teabagging.

  • Arbiter: Saved your bacon.
  • Chief: we doesnt haz bacon / arbitur ur so silly
  • Arbiter: We're neck and neck.

Arbiter goes onto the catwalk, spots Cameron and kills him.

  • Chief: just 1 moar kills and we r winnar

Arbiter and Chief search the map but can't find Cody or Cameron.

  • Chief: where teh fuck r they?
  • Arbiter: I know where.

Cameron and Cody are shown to be camping in the yellow lift room. Arbiter looks inside. He gets shot at and quickly backs out.

  • Arbiter:  I don't fucking believe this! I don't believe this. I'm in disbelief.
  • Chief: SOP CAMPING U FUCKIGN PUSSYS! imma cl33n ur cocks r33l gud
  • Arbiter: No! Don't-

Chief runs inside and gets killed by a rocket causing them to lose the match.


Chief, Arbiter, Cameron and Cody meet up on the first floor again.

  • Arbiter: That was such bullshit and you both know it.
  • Cody: Cry more?
  • Cameron: Play to win, my friend.

Cody and Cameron exit the server.

Arbiter and Chief are seen at opposite sides of the apartments hall drinking.

  • Chief: we fucking suck man
  • Arbiter: We played good, Chief. They pulled some lousy shenanigans.
  • Chief: i haet ppl who plehs liek that / y does ppls pleh liek that?
  • Arbiter: Some people play purely to win, even if they're hated for it. They don't care about anything else.

The Scrabble game is shown around the corner.

Arbiter is seen playing Reach, he gets an invite.

Scene 6: Trent's ChurchEdit

Arbiter walks down the bridge to the Church,he reaches Cameron and Cody and they try to stop him.

  • Trent: It's okay, I invited him.

Trent appears from behind Cameron and Cody.

  • Arbiter: Quite an problem you've got there. I'd get that checked out.
  • Trent: I hope you weren't about to hop off to bed or anything. I know it's late.
  • Arbiter: It's alright, can't sleep anyway.
  • Trent:  That's the best part about Forge world, bright and beautiful twenty four-seven.
  • Arbiter: Yeah. [to Cameron and Cody] Great weather for camping.

Arbiter follows Trent to the top of the church. They walk to the edge.

  • Arbiter: Your big day is fast approaching.
  • Trent: No shit, gonna be a married man.
  • Arbiter: Cold feet?
  • Trent: Nah, it was gonna happen sooner or later.
  • Arbiter: [beat] Can I ask why you invited me here? If you just wanted to hang out that's cool-
  • Trent: No. I uh, I actually wanted to talk to you about a couple of things.
  • Arbiter: Like what?
  • Trent: Well for one. Since your coming to the wedding, would you like to come to the stag night too?
  • Arbiter: Cool... Yeah, I'll come.
  • Trent: Sweet. And there was one other thing.
  • Arbiter: What?
  • Trent: Hypernews.
  • Arbiter: What about it?
  • Trent:  Claire showed it to me recently, I love it. Camera work, Puppeteering, and funny as hell by the way. Seriously nice job.
  • Arbiter: Thanks.
  • Trent: So, I was wondering. Would you be interested in a little cross-promotion deal?
  • Arbiter: What do you mean?
  • Trent: Well sometime during your next episode a spot would be reserved for you to give a little shout-out to my company and our current game projects and in return you'd receive a monetary sum. The amount depending on how many hits the episode receives. You should never do something you're good at for free, dude. Money makes the world go round. Try to horde your integrity and you'll drive yourself into the ground and starve. The world's a shit pie if you haven't noticed, Arbiter.

Arbiter quietly contemplates his offer.

  • Trent: The world's just a big sinking ship. Some people are in high dry places while others are drowning on the lower decks or falling into the sea without a fighting chance. Some even nail their heads off the smoke stacks, they don't deserve that but thats life. Everyone's just scrambling for a safe dry spot. There's not really any point pitting art against commerce it's David and Goliath, except David never wins the Goliath just fuckin' sits on him.
  • Arbiter: I don't know, man.
  • Trent: [beat] Do me a favor, just... think about it.

Credits roll. The end.