|← "Hypernews I"||"Drunken Halo"||"Time Wasters" →|
Scene 1: Jon's ApartmentEdit
Arbiter, Chief and Greg are seen on Jon's desk looking at the Hypernews video on Youtube.
- Chief: Dued it sez wer numbar 1 on teh tubes / hypernews is numbar 1/ wut did i tells u?
- Arbiter: Chief, that's the view count. / We've had one viewer so far.
- Chief: r u kiddin meh?/ who?
- Arbiter: Us. From refreshing.
- Chief: so not 1 asshole haz s33n our show?
- Arbiter: Not yet.
- Chief: f5
Arbiter presses the F5 key on the computer.
- Arbiter: Yes! There's three! And there's a comment!
- Chief: YAAAY / lets c
The comment left by Smo@kw33d4lyph420, is seen. It reads "This is gay."
- Chief: wut a dick!
- Arbiter: He disliked it too! Couldn't just leave it alone.
- Chief: u no this is ur fault rite? just maeking shure
- Arbiter: What? My fault?!
- Chief: u wer BORING / and no one can stand 2 l00k at ur ugly vagina face / i n33ded moar sceen tiem / cuz im so sooper sexy / sexy cheef
- Arbiter: The entire episode revolved around you! You and that ridiculous fucking review!
- Chief: every1 needs to just grow a pair an reelize that harmonica of teim is just ovar rated hipster garbage / i wuz just telling teh truths / u don't want meh 2 tell ppls teh truths arbiter?"
- Greg: srsly u guys.
- Arbiter: You're completely closed-minded and biased, the poster boy for fanboyism.
- Chief: IM NOT A FANBOY
- Arbiter: Bitch, please. You told me you thought that Microsoft points were the global currency.
- Chief: then hao does ppls buy groceries and shit?
- Arbiter: ... Sorry, Greg.
- Chief: shut up greg
- Arbiter: Sigh. We gave it our best shot.
- Chief: witch wuzn't g00d enuff cuz of a certain obvious sum1 / f5
Arbiter hits F5 again.
- Chief: dued it sez 4!
- Arbiter: That's us again, Chief.
- Chief: BALLZ!
Arbiter gets up to go.
- Arbiter: I'm gonna go get wasted.
- Greg: :/ easy on the drink arbiter
- Arbiter: We worked hard and I feel like shit, indulgence is in order. I understand, Greg. Your mouth is a forty five degree angle indicating concern.
- Chief: arbitur i gots a BOSS idea
- Arbiter: ... I'm listening.
Opening credits roll.
Arbiter is seen stumbling around the kitchen, he's obviously drunk.
- Arbiter: I am wasted.
- Chief: WEVE GOT A WHOEL DAY OF TRASH TALKIGN AHED OF US/ thers not monent 2 spar my boi / HURRY THE FUCK UP
- Arbiter: I may have over indulged.
- Greg: :/
Chief and Arbiter climb onto the chair ready to play Halo.
- Chief: all teh tiem we waste is bettar spent maeking ppl rage and kids crai
- Arbiter: Greg, you feel like playing with us?"
- Greg: i like 2 watch
- Chief: ya cuz u probably suck faget / reech isn't sum sissy pillow fite / wer fighting a goddamn war understand? frends go down / sumtiems they hav to pause to eat yucky dinner reel quick / othirs get b&, and u'd bettar pray u dont get any lag cuz it's every wer and its fucking dedly / its maed meh lose almost evry singul gaem / its not pretty
- Arbiter: You're full of shit you know. Don't forget, you admitted that you suck. LOL, remember Chief?
- Chief: HAY! / thats mai thing arbitur / u cant use mai thing / u cant / get it LOL?
- Arbiter: Don't worry, Chief. I know. LOL
- Chief:" remembir? LOL"
Arbiter:"Yeah, I remember, LOL right?"
Scene 2: ReflectionEdit
Chief runs around the map spraying everything in sight as usual.
- Chief: teh campers liefs is teh liefs foar meh LOLOLOLOL and a bottel of win / teh spammers liefs is teh liefs foar meh LOLOLOLOL and a bottel of win
Chief comes to the main area and sees the Rocket launcher.
- Chief:" hallalooya / cum 2 daddy baybay
Claire runs by and takes the launcher.
- Chief:"HAY BITCH
- Claire:"Excuse me?!
- Chief:"thats mien / if u dont put it back wer gonna haz a problem"
- Claire:"There's no putting these things on layaway, grab a different weapon.
- Chief: grab these nuts / wait r u rly a gurl or just a littel kid? if u r a grill can i be on ur frends list ? i promise imma be a rly gud frend / and wen things get surs we can discuss teh variuos methods of contra inception and find a plan that werks foar us
- Claire:"Do you want me to report you for harassment? Possibly land you a console ban?
- Chief:"no pls"
- Claire:"Then I'd knock it off now if i were you.
- Chief:"so can i b on ur frends list?"
- Claire: No.
- Chief:" plehign hard 2 gets i c / aren't they all / k i sent u a freinds request / accept plz"
Arbiter comes around the corner and sees them.
- Chief:" u know this tease?"
- Claire:"You know this loser?
- Chief:"Haz u accepted mai friend request yet?
- Arbiter:"We live together."
- Claire:"I see...I guess it makes sense. Seeing as how you both have those voices, but him? Really?"
- Chief:"y u no accept my frends request? r u embarresed cuz ur fat or r u a lesbian?
- Claire: Anyway, I'm sorry about what happened the other day with Trent. I didn't mean for you to find out like that.
- Chief: find out wat?
- Arbiter: Nothing.
- Chief:"[beat] accept accept accept accept accept"
- Claire: I DON'T want to be your friend!
- Chief:":( [sad face] / y? / y tho? / can u leest tells meh y? / ecuse meh i axing u niecly? / im axing u niecly and ur not even fucking answerign meh!"
- Claire: Interesting choice in company.
- Arbiter: We were both stuck in the same apartment. Choice wasn't involved. Unlike some things.
- Claire: What's that supposed to mean?
- Arbiter: You know exactly what I mean.
- Claire:"Please clarify."
- Arbiter:"Trent's a tool. He'd be a be a DIY store sellout."
- Chief:"Whos teh hell is trent?
- Arbiter:"Forget it."
- Claire:"What are you talking about? You don't even know him!
- Arbiter:"Thank the lord.
- Claire:"Just forget it."
- Chief:"Accept mai fucking frends request / [beat] wut a bitch"
Scene 3: Jon's bathroomEdit
Arbiter, Chief and Greg are sitting around the bathroom.
- Arbiter:"She hates me.
- Chief:" i haet u / every1 haets u"
- Greg: i don't hate u :) .
- Arbiter:"I called her imenant future husband a tool. I'm so dense."
- Chief:"way 2 figuer that out nao / hay they aren't getting married in reech r they?"
Ominous music plays.
- Arbiter:"[beat] No, no.
- Chief:"thats 2 bad, it'd be so tight if they wer / we could rocks the house / just liek teh g00d old days"
- Arbiter:"...yeah. [beat] You're sexist as shit by the way.
- Arbiter:"No seriously, your behavior is repugnant. You really need to work on that. And stop calling everyone faggot."
- Chief:"WHITE KNIGHT DETEKTED, wers ur lance sir faglot"
Scene 4: BoardwalkEdit
Arbiter sprints along the map, a player attacks with a grenade launcher and Arbiter kills him.
- In-game Anouncer: First Strike!
Arbiter moves along and kills another player with a head shot. He goes around a corner and a player with a rocket launcher sneaks up behind and aims.
Trent Donnovich walks up behind the player.
The player turns around and Trent kills him with a shotgun.
- Trent:"Hey Arbiter!"
Arbiter turns around.
- Trent:"Claire told me everything."
- Arbiter:"Look I'm sorry for everything I said last night, I had a few drinks in me."
- Trent:"What are you talking about?"
- Arbiter: Huh? What are you talking about?
- Trent:"Look, Claire told me you and her had a thing a while back. And I just wanna say that I acknowledge how you must be feeling about this. I've done a lot to improve my attitude since we last met and you strike me as a pretty smart guy. And i was wondering if we could be friends."
- Trent:"Yeah. So what were you saying? You said something last night?"
- Arbiter:"Nothing, forget about it."
- Trent:"So waddaya think?"
Credits roll. The end.