|← "House of Cards"||"Duck Love"||"Low on Hearts" →|
Scene 1: BoardwalkEdit
Chief is seen playing on Xbox Live, running around shooting in the air.
- Chief: h3llo wr0ld!1 / wats goin on bitchez / gess wat / i gots mai f00t backed 0n
- Cody Hammond: What did he say?
- Timothy: I don't know.
- Chief: and teh fr1st plaec its goign is up all ur a$$e$ / i hope ur rdy / r u rdy?/ / u gaiz arent rdy. / LOLOLOLOLOL
- Timothy: What are you even talking about?
- Cody Hammond: And why are you using that 'voice' thing?
- Timothy: Microsoft Sam.
- Chief: FIRST OF ALL MAI VOIEC IS TEH SHIT / littel bitchez liek u gaiz wudnt haz a cleu / adn im talkign abot hwo im gona pwnz0r evry 1 of ur sry ass3s / want meh to draw u a pictuer / FUCK FACE
- Cody Hammond: We're on your team.
- Timothy: I've been paired with you in matchmaking quite a few times today actually, and you've been, like, consistently terrible.
- Chief: thats retarted. / UR JUST A RETARTED FAGET
- Timothy: Hey, don't take my word for it, it's there in the carnage reports.
- Chief: NOPE UR WRONG LOL
- Cody Hammond: Ha ha ha! I just checked his K/D; 0.3! Ha ha!
- Chief: wat r u dumbases loling abot? i dont even has macaronies
- Timothy: Wow.
- Cody Hammond: Those few miracle kills you get are worth absolutely nothing if you don't keep your death count a lower number.
- Timothy: I've seen him kill the same AFK guy over and over. I'm pretty sure that's all they are.
- Chief: holy shit u guys r dum
- Cody Hammond: You're giving more points to the other team than you're gaining for your own. It's hardly a difficult concept to grasp.
- Chief: HAY EVAR HERD OF GIRLS? / y dont u go get laed u fuckign nerd / gettign all mathical adn shit / besieds taht stuf dont evin matters / im killign guys so taht m33ns im wining
- Cody Hammond: What?
- Timothy: He's obviously a troll; nobody's this stupid.
- Chief: NO UR STUPED / U GUYS WANNA 1V1 ME? / U WANNA 1V1 ME? / no of course u dont u god dam pu$$ies / ud p00p ur pants / LOL
- Cody Hammond: (chuckles) That wouldn't be fair. Come on!
- Chief: UR SO FUCKING RIGHT ABOT TAHT
- Timothy: Ah, I get it: 'cuz to each of you, it's unfair for the other guy. Nice.
- Cody Hammond: Hey, he started this crap! I'm just sayin', man!
- Chief: sry gaiz i gots 2 go nao / to ur moms houses / LAWL / ur moms say ur both gay btw LOLOLOLOLOL
Chief runs away.
- Timothy: Just 'wow'. That's all I have to say.
- Cody Hammond: By the law of averages, I think we're clear of that caliber of asshole for a good long while.
- Timothy: I dunno. Give it five, six minutes.
Opening credits roll.
Scene 2: Jon's apartmentEdit
Chief forages through the refrigerator for food.
- Chief: "THERS NEVER N E THING 2 NOM IN THIS FUCKIGN HOSUE"
Chief starts wandering around the kitchen.
- Chief: ARBITUR WHERS JONS VISA? / and whers teh colored berry? / ima 0rdar peetsah. / u watn n e? u want a meat loevers? / cuz u loev meat so much / LOL!!1one
Arbiter does not respond.
- Chief: arbitur? / greg? / WERE IS U GAIZ?
Arbiter and Greg are shown in Jon's bathtub with a laptop.
- Arbiter: Man, I knew this would be difficult... but even just brainstorming is hard.
An empty text page is shown on the computer.
- Arbiter: This is making me feel like such a dumbass. / Got any cool ideas yet?
- Greg: no
- Arbiter: Great. Look out, internet. It's Arbiter and Greg and their tidal wave of ingenuity. It's a good thing we've shaken off Chief, otherwise this would be literally impossible--
- Chief: HAAAAY LAAAYYDIEEEES
Chief appears on the side of the tub.
- Arbiter: Son of a bitch.
- Chief: Aauuh / siting in teh tub togethar / hwo cute is that? :3 [lion face]
- Arbiter: Go away.
- Chief: srsly wtf? / wats w/ teh laptop? / what the hell r u doing?
- Arbiter: Nothing.
Chief jumps into the tub.
- Chief: bullshit / u writing sumthing?/ / r u writign a story arbitur? / can i reads ur storie? / wats ur stories abot? / can i b in ur stories? / does it has tittehs? / can u maek it so i slap them up adn dwon adn all arond?
- Arbiter: Go away! We're not writing a story about you or anybody's breasts. We're thinking of stuff.
- Chief: o rly?
Chief sees the blank page.
- Chief: cuz it sure as hell dosnt l00k liek it ROFL
- Arbiter: Never mind what it looks like.
- Chief: so hwo cum ur tryign 2 think of stuf?
- Arbiter: ... What a fantastic question. That must deserve some kind of award.
- Chief: quit being a stalling stan
- Arbiter: ... "a stalling stan"? Wow. Anyway, it's none of your goddamn business.
- Chief: im just gona keep asking y til u tells meh y
- Arbiter: Piss off!!
- Chief: y / y / y / y / y / y / YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
- Arbiter: Jesus Christ, we're making a show, okay?
- Chief: wat kind of show?
- Arbiter: News show.
- Chief: abot wat?
- Arbiter: Games and stuff.
- Chief: a news show abot gaems adn stuf / lmao / congratulashens tahts teh gayest thign ive evar herd in mai entier lief
- Arbiter: Thank you for sharing your opinion and staunch homophobia.
- Greg: go away chief / ur not contributing
- Chief: stfu greg ur a spider / thats srsly retartid tho / u know thats retartid rite?
- Arbiter: Yes, trying to create somthing is retarded. As opposed to playing Reach all day and calling everyone online a faggot.
- Chief: [beat] acshully w8 thats an ossim idea
- Arbiter: Insulting everybody online?
- Chief: no teh show thign / ima maek mai own show 2 lol
- Arbiter: What?! Hold on a minute! No!
- Chief: u cant tels me wat 2 do
- Arbiter: You can't just take my idea either!
Chief jumps out of the tub, his visor falls off and he puts it back on.
- Chief: ok so u caem up w/ teh ideas 2 maek a shows so taht m33nz i cant nevar maek mai own shows evar?
- Arbiter: Well...
- Chief: "lololol"
- Arbiter: "You are such a huge douche!!"
- Chief: "IM NOT LISENIGN LOLOLLOLLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"
Chief leaves the bathroom.
- Arbiter: "God, what a fucking asshole!"
Chief keeps walking, pauses for a moment then returns to the bathroom.
- Chief: "arbitur hwo does u maeks a show?"
- Arbiter: "You MUST be joking. Go fuck yourself."
- Chief: "FINE W/E MAKIGN A SHOWS A PIECE OF PISS AND MIENS GONA B WAE MOAR COLLER THAN UR STUPED CRAPPY SHWO N E WAY"
- Arbiter: "Sure it will."
- Chief: "does i detect a hint of teh sarcasms? U FORGETS TAHT I CAN ACSHULY THINK OF SHIT / CAN I C WUT U HAZ AGAIN? OH YEAH U DONT HAS ANYTHIGN U FUCKING CHIMP / Y DOESNT U STICKS 2 WAT UR GOOD @ LIEK TRHOWIGN UR OWN FECEES AROND DUMBO / LLOLOL1O1oLO1o1OLO1oLOLOLO1oLLOLOL!!1one!1!+elevenshift1"
- Arbiter: "Dumbo was an elephant, you fucking degenerate."
Chief leaves again.
- Arbiter: "Sigh."
Scene 3: Jon's apartmentEdit
Arbiter has now written something on the laptop and is showing it to Greg.
- Arbiter: "What do you think? Don't sugar-coat it. Just lay it on me."
- Greg: boring
- Arbiter: ... You sure don't waste any time.
- Greg: sry just want 2 help u :(
- Arbiter: I know. This sucks.
- Greg: "work w/ chief?
- Arbiter: No way. He'll turn it all to shit. All his show is gonna be is senseless Nintendo and Sony bashing, cock drawings, and probably even his bad techno loops.
- Greg: do it as a piss-take.
- Arbiter: I don't think Chief would agree to that...
- Greg: dont tell him lol
- Arbiter: ... His conviction would make it that much more engaging... I think you're onto something here, Greg.
- Greg: ";)
Chief seen playing Halo as Arbiter goes to see him.
- Chief: u guys r all littel bitches / know y noen of u r saeing n e thign / cuz u no im fucking boss and i can raep all of u @ this gaem / i gots mai f00ts / ill fuck u up son
- XBL Player: Shut up!
- Chief: whats that faget? u suck? ur rite but evryboedy noes alridy / THX 4 TEH COLD AND MOLDY NEWS FUCKHEAD / i shoud beat the shit out of u kid / gimme ur adress / o w8 ur mom gave it 2 me alredy so we cud has the sex / she saes u dont brush ur t33ths enuf yung man / u beter pull ur socks ^ or she saes u wont get teh new call of dutty foar ur brithdays / i mite even gives u a spanking / u wana get spanked boy?
- Arbiter: Chief?
- Chief: go away im busy playign hal0
- Arbiter: So I can hear. Anyway, it's about the show thing.
- Chief: wat abot it?
- Arbiter: I think we should compromise somehow and work on this thing together. For the art of it. We're not much good individually. Together, we could make something great.
- Chief: LOLOLOLOL / giev me a fucking braek arbitur wil u? y wud i works w/ u? im gona maek mai own show adn its gona b bada$$ / ud just maek it lame cuz ur a fucking square
- Arbiter: The idea for a show was mine!!
- Chief: i dont give a shit
- Arbiter: You're not just gonna take my idea!
- Chief: go fuck a duck
- Arbiter: "Fuck a duck"? That's what you have to say?
- Chief: YES FUCK A DUCK / GO FUCK TEN DUCKS / I DONT GIEV A FUCK HOW MANY DUCKS U FUCK / FUCK ALL TEH DUCKS
Credits roll. The end.