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Scene 1: Jon's apartmentEdit

Arbiter and Chief are seen sitting in the game chair.

  • Arbiter:"I can't believe this. I'm such an idiot."
  • Chief:"lol tahts hard foar u 2 b3l33v? y? rofl cuz ur an idiet / i all maeks perfectly sense"
  • Arbiter:"They could have used them to find the holes in the software. I could have put an end to this bullshit right here and now."
  • Chief:"y u d3l33t3d them?"
  • Arbiter:"To stop you from ever using them again. They were a means to an end. For the wedding and nothing else. I know you would have used them eventually."
  • Chief:"u doesnt no wut i'd d0es / adn i dunt n33d hax im fucking shit"
  • Arbiter:"Shit isn't the same thing as "the shit",Chief. Not that it was possible with us being banned but should that ever change I didn't want to take the chance."
  • Chief:"bang up job u retart"

Chief starts to doze off but jerks back upright.He starts to lean again and Arbiter looks at him.Chief straightens up again.

  • Arbiter:"Just go to bed will you?"
  • Chief:"im not tierd"
  • Arbiter:"You're dozing off.If you think I'm dragging you to bed again you can fuck a duck. And I want the whole screen if you're too exausted to play."
  • Chief:"yeh im exausted from spankign ur mothars whole a$$ teh whoel day / wat a werkout lol / whole lotta ch33k 2 spank"
  • Arbiter:"Cheeky Chief strikes again...litteraly."
  • Chief:"lol :3[lion face] s0 ch33ky"
  • Arbiter:"Then you'd better hit the hay so you can save energy for your morning quickie and mid-afternoon fuck."
  • Chief:"no / im hasing funs / adn i <3 to be teh boss / BOSS BOSS BOSS BOSS BOSS BOSS BOSS"
  • Arbiter:"We've hardly been bossing anybody around not with our pathetic level privelages."
  • Chief:"w/e im just fucking stoaked i get 2 pleh halo agen / <3333 / im nevar goign 2 bed imma stay up and pleh foar ever AND EVAR AND EVAR AND EVAR AND EVAR AND EVAR AND EVAR AND EV-"

Cut to Arbiter dragging a sleeping Chief to Jon's bed.


Arbiter throws Chief against a pillow.

  • Arbiter:"Jesus Christ that fucking snore..."

Arbiter pulls the blankets up onto Chief.

  • Chief[asleep]:"... o yeh / o arbiturs mom u fine / u s0 fine bb[baby] / hao cum u gots all taht junk in ur trunks? u want meh to suck on those titties? as chaermen of teh tittie committy i declaer th33se titties redy 4 suckign / yeh slap them in mai face / :D[happy face] / mai face is slap happy"

Arbiter pulls the blankets off of him.

Scene 2: TOSERS serverEdit

Arbiter is seen walking into Leonards office. He finds another moderator inside.

  • Arbiter:"Hey. Are you the admin? I thought it was another guy?"
  • TOSERS moderator:"Ugh, I work nights."
  • Arbiter:"Okay. I can't sleep. Mind if I supervise a few games?"
  • TOSERS moderator:"Knock yourself out."
  • Arbiter:"Thanks. I'm negetive-one do I still need supervision?"
  • TOSERS moderator:"Yeah. Just go ready up I'll send someone your way in a few minutes."
  • Arbiter:"Okay."

Arbiter heads to the door.

  • Arbiter:"Huh, for a minute I thought you'd be a jerk maybe. The cranky night guy cliche."
  • TOSERS moderator:"You still here?"

Arbiter is seen walking into the armory. He tries to pick up the DMR again.

  • Arbiter:"Dang..."

Arbiter turns around and sees Claire behind him.

  • Arbiter:"Whoa...Hi Claire."
  • Claire:"All set?"

Opening credits roll.

Scene 3: TempestEdit

Several XBL players are seen fighting across the map. Claire and Arbiter stand on the beach supervising the battle.

  • Arbiter:"...How are things?"
  • Claire:"They're okay. You?"
  • Arbiter:"Fine I guess... So if you're my supervisor I take it you've been promoted already?"
  • Claire:"Yep. I'm a zero now.[sarcastic] Always been my dream to be a zero."
  • Arbiter:"CongragulationsThat was fast."
  • Claire:"Well I got along with the admin I was working with, established quickly that I wasn't here on a power trip."
  • Arbiter:"That would explain why Chief and I haven't budged up the ladder an inch...Well I think I'm alright but Chief's a little migrane with plastic legs."
  • Claire:"That guy never changes does he?"
  • Arbiter:"No. He's the guy at the gate who thinks he owns the company. So what do you get to carry as a zero? Just curious.
  • Claire:"Like equipment?"
  • Arbiter:"Yeah."
  • Claire:"Rifles, a couple other armor abilities. That's about it.No power weapons though, I think level ones get access to the full arsenal."
  • Arbiter:"What are the perks of being a two or three do you know?"
  • Claire:"Well level two elevates you to the cheating and hacking division. And level three gets you some some special administrator privlages. That's what I was told."
  • Arbiter:"Hm. Cool. Not that I'll ever reach either, not with the sage armored tumor on my side. [beat] I saw you earlier by the way but I went AFK right after. I don't know if you tried to talk to me or not."
  • Claire:"AFC."
  • Arbiter:"Huh?"
  • Claire:"You were away from your console. You need a keyboard to be away from it."
  • Arbiter:"I suppose you do.Derp. I didn't know AFC  was a thing. It just makes me think of KFC. Be right back away from fried chicken."
  • Claire:"I did try talking to you. I figured you were away but I thought it was a liitle strange considering I'm sure I heard you say my name a minute before."
  • Arbiter:"I did. Chief ordered an obscene amount of pizza to the damn apartment and I had to go deal with that."
  • Claire:"It's okay. I understand.
  • Arbiter:"...We haven't talked in quite  now."
  • Claire:"Yeah, I know."
  • Arbiter:"How come?"
  • Claire:"I dunno...You were just..."
  • Arbiter:"What?"
  • Claire:"You were just so sad all the time and it was making me sad. More then I already was. Ididn't need it.I had to distance myself."
  • Arbiter:"...Oh man... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be such a downer. I shouldn't complain really. I have a roof over my head. A comfortable place to sleep. No job or any responsibilities. Other than stopping Chief from burning the house down. Other then that I can just sit around and play videogames all day...But it's gotten so incredibly dull. The apartment is so confining. And having only Chief for company...He's worn me so thin. But if I ever told him that he'd just make a mom joke "LOL" and waddle off.And there's the part with us just being toys."
  • Claire:"Arbiter, I told you you're more than that."
  • Arbiter:"Yeah and that was nice of you, but it just isn't true is it? I'm a toy. Full stop. I'm no damn use to anybody. If I stopped walking and talking tomorrow nobody would care."
  • Claire:"It's the fact that you can walk and talk that makes you more. You and Chief have a conscience. Or at least you do.It makes you part of something bigger like the rest of us. We're all in the same boat. Remember that show you made? Hypernews?"
  • Arbiter:"Yeah..."
  • Claire:"You remember the amount of views it got? I didn't care for some of the material. I think someone who can come up with something as revolting as "technodicks" should be institutionalized. But you did manage put a smile on the faces of hundreds of thousands of people.Don't you think that's a great accomplishment?"
  • Arbiter:"I guess..."
  • Claire:"You guess? How can you say you're "no damn use to anybody"?You have great potential and you don't even see it."
  • Arbiter:"...I never really thought of it that way before."
  • Claire:"Well keep it in mind."
  • Arbiter:"Thanks,Claire."
  • Claire:"I'm just stating the facts. But you're welcome."
  • Arbiter:"You said I was making sadder than you already were. Why were you sad to begin with?"
  • Claire:"Well...Since the wedding...I've been living a very solitary life. Quiet,uneventful...Which you can probably tell from my being here.Don't get me wrong there's no doubt in my mind that Trent was a total jerk. But I can't help but wonder what my life would be like if you two hadn't shown up that day. Maybe I'd be a whole lot happier than I am now. I'm sorry but there's a part of me that hates you and Master Chief for taking the liberty to interfere...I'm sorry, I know it's not fair."
  • Arbiter:"No it's okay. You spoke your mind."

An XBL player runs by them.

  • XBL player:" Hay did you see that dope-ass double kill? That was fuckin' awesome!"
  • Arbiter:"Watch your language,please."
  • XBL player:"Shut up, asshole!"
  • Claire:"Hay! Come back here!"

Claire goes after the player.

Scene 4: Jon's apartmentEdit

The next morning Chief is seen sleeping on Jon's bed. He gets up and stretches.

  • Chief:"yawn / nyum nyum nyum "

He looks out the window.

  • Chief:"ah / wat a gorjes day"

Chief closes the curtains.

  • Chief:"foar halos / suck a dick mr sun / lolololololololololololol / butt 1st this toser n33ds 2 get his breckfists on"

Chief jumps off the bed and heads out of the room.

  • Chief:"freeze / tosers / get down on teh fuckign ground / :) [smiley face]"

Chief stops when he notices Arbiter sitting in the hallway. Arbiter looks at him.

  • Arbiter:"...Hey."
  • Chief:"wut teh hell?"

The two are seen eating cereal on opposite sides of the hall.

  • Chief:"NYYYYYYYYMMMMMMMM / yum / i <3 mai milks / this is even bettar then last nites m33l / a meal fit 4 a kings / [beat] has u been sittign ther all nite?"
  • Arbiter:"Yeah."
  • Chief:"y u not go2b[go to bed] ?"
  • Arbiter:"I couldn't sleep."
  • Chief:"wats ur problem this tiem? we can pleh halos agen wat else do u want?"
  • Arbiter:"...I was talking to Claire last night."
  • Chief:"LOL o boy heer we go"
  • Arbiter:"She said that even though she's greatfull for us keep her from marrying Trent part of her hates us for interfering with her life."
  • Chief:"[beat]SO?"
  • Arbiter:"Can't say I didn't see that coming."
  • Chief:" srsy who gives a shit? trent was a fuckign batwing and it was funny as hell 2 boots"
  • Arbiter:"I can't even get mad at you for not caring anymore. It's like getting mad at a dog for chewing the furniture."
  • Chief:"ya / i cud caer less"
  • Arbiter:"Couldn't."
  • Chief:"wut?"
  • Arbiter:"You couldn't care less. "Could" doesn't make sense. You "could" care less means that you still care to some degree. You're trying to establish that you don't care at all."
  • Chief:"tahts rite i doesnt caer / and i dunt care abot hao gud u think i am w/ werds either / in fax i cud care l3ss"
  • Arbiter:"And what the hell is a batwing?"
  • Chief:"its wer u stretched otu ur ballsack so u can c teh vains and shit / hahahahaha"
  • Arbiter:"Jesus...I can't just brush shit like this off like you can. I'm burdened with a conscience. I don't want her to hate me."
  • Chief:"so wat if she haets u? i haet u"
  • Arbiter:"I don't give a flying fuck whether or not you hate me you're an asshole. Talking to you gives me cancer. You should have a warning sticker on you like a pack of cigarettes. Being hated by Claire, on the other hand, actually means something to me...She said she's been living a solitary life ever since the wedding... And it's because of me...I've made her misrarible."

Chief throws his empty bowl down the hall and starts walking away.

  • Chief:"all doen / tiem foar halos / u cummign or not bitch?"
  • Arbiter:"I've been playing all night."
  • Chief:"k the go ahed and does all taht othar stuff that u does"

Scene 5: TOSERS serverEdit

Leonard is seen looking out the control room window.Arbiter and Chief walk in.

  • Leonard: Good morning.
  • Chief: sup brah
  • Leonard: [to Chief] I've been hearing that you're preformance so far has been...questionable to say the absolute least.
  • Chief: [to Arbiter] ha ha homo they think im beter than u
  • Arbiter: You're retarded.
  • Leonard: But uh, nothing too severe just yet.  [turns to Arbiter]  As for you. You have logged quite a few hours with no issues. We appriciate the dedication and for that. I've bumped you up to a Level zero.
  • Arbiter: Oh, cool.
  • Chief: HAIL YEAH
  • Leonard: Now you can choose a little bit more equipment and issue bans up to three days in length. But use discretion."
  • Arbiter: Sure.
  • Chief: this shit is going 2 b so balling dog
  • Leonard: [to Chief] Not you however.

Chief starts jumping up and down angrily.

  • Chief: WHAT THE FUCK?  /  :((((( [super sad face]  /  Y  /  TELL ME Y PLZ RITE NAO IM TEH 1337EST FUCKING GUY H33R
  • Arbiter: You're answering your own question...
  • Leonard: [to Arbiter] But now, you can act as a superviser. They'll be no need for a third wheel.
  • Arbiter: Sweet, thanks.

Scene 6: CountdownEdit

Arbiter and Chief are seen supervising a match.

  • Chief: i cant fucking b3l33v3d this  /  i cant b3l33v3d they gived u anothar lvl and not meh  /  i shud b lvl liek a fucking zillien alreadies
  • Arbiter: Suck it up. You wanna be bumped up, stop acting like a twat.
  • Arbiter: No you aren't!
  • Chief: wat does u m33n i arent  /  ur srsly fucking retarted
  • Arbiter: You look for the slightest excuse to exercise your authority and just make one up if it isn't there. And it usually hasn't been. You can't have that mindset. We're meant to make the place fun, not the oppisite."
  • Arbiter: [sarcastic] That's really mature. That's so mature it dumbfounds me.
  • Arbiter: That's all you hear when I talk to you, is it?

Another player runs up to them.

  • Xbox-Live player 1: Hey? Hey, hey are you guys mods?
  • Chief: yes wat s33ms 2 b teh problims?
  • Xbox-Live player 1: There's this kid jumping around, team-killing and shouting the n-word over, and over and over and over again. Could you maybe like do something about that 'cause it's really annoying.
  • Arbiter: For crying out loud...
  • Chief: its teh tiem 2 lay down teh lawn
  • Arbiter: 'The law',Chief.
  • Chief: thats wat i fucking sed

They follow the player to the balcony. Another player i seen spraying bullets and jumping around.

  • Arbiter: Hey!

The player turns and sees them.

  • Xbox-Live player 2: What?
  • Arbiter: You the guy shouting the N word every two seconds and betraying everyone?
  • Chief: if u is then u and us r gona tangel  /  gess wat  /  does u rly wanna no  /  WERE TOSERS BUDDY  /  THATS RITE  /  sry 2 braek it 2 u lol  /  u scaered?  /  U SHUD B
  • Xbox-Live player 2: I never said anything.
  • Xbox-Live player 1: He's lying!
  • Xbox-Live player 2: Shut up!
  • Arbiter: Enough. It's not cool, okay? There's a lot of pain and oppression associated with that word.
  • Chief: i sae we ban his ass 4 forevir wat does u thinks arbitur?
  • Arbiter: I think you should shut up.
  • Xbox-Live player 2: Who cares? It's just a word. Black people say to each other all the time.
  • Arbiter: You're using it in a context that's extremely offensive. They've made it their own. They're sucking the poison out of it. You're spitting it back in. You say it again and it'll be a three day ban, understand?
  • Xbox-Live player 2: Well I just heard him [Chief] shouting "gay" over and over with you a minute ago. Why's that okay?
  • Arbiter: [beat] It isn't.
  • Xbox-Live player 2: Okay, so why isn't he in trouble? If you guys are above the law and can do whatever the hell you want then this whole TOSERS thing loses its whole fucking meaning.
  • Arbiter: It isn't okay for Chief to say that, it's an offensive term--
  • Xbox-Live player 2: You're repeating yourself. If it's not okay then do something about it. Ban him.
  • Arbiter: I can't ban him.
  • Xbox-Live player 2: Why not?
  • Arbiter: For one, we're on the same console.
  • Xbox-Live player 2: So he gets away with violating the TOS because you're both on the same console and it would be inconvenient for you if you ban him. The whole system fails based entirely on your own inconvenience and I'm just suppose to accept that because you're the boss? I don't think so, I'm sorry but I'm calling bullshit. You know what else I don't think? I don't think either one of you are fit to be moderators.
  • Chief: quit being such a fucking faggot
  • Arbiter: Chief!!
  • Xbox-Live player 2: There he goes again! Why's the F word okay and and not the N word? I think this warrants an official complaint, don't you? Enjoy your discharge.
  • Chief: FUCK YOU
  • Arbiter: Hold on a second!

Scene 7: TOSERS serverEdit

Cut to Arbiter and Chief talking to Leonard.

  • Leonard: What the hell were you guys thinking?! You're moderators working under the command of the network administration, and using this kind of language in front of its subscribers is completely unacceptable.
  • Chief: wats teh big fucking d33l, jesus
  • Arbiter: Look, I acknowledge it's no way to behave and I accept full responsability for Chief's actions. He's still settling into the position--
  • Leonard: We are not prepared to make allowances for time to "settle in". You either do the job properly or you don't do it at all.
  • Arbiter: We understand.
  • Leonard: Do you...? [to Chief] Do you understand?
  • Chief: [beat] yes

Scene 8: BoardwalkEdit

Arbiter and Chief are seen supervising on Boardwalk.

  • Arbiter: Please don't put me through that again. We just barely scraped by that time. You can't just shout out the first thing that comes into your deranged head whenever you feel like it. There's free speech but there's still limits. You have to learn to question yourself. Process your thoughts and decide if they're good or bad before you speak aloud. If you'd like to keep playing Halo, that is. You'd like to keep playing, wouldn't you?

Two players run by.

  • Xbox-Live player 3: Hey, check it out. It's a couple of those moderators.
  • Xbox-Live player 4: Losers!
  • Chief: lick my batwing cocksuckers

Scene 9: TOSERS serverEdit

Arbiter and Chief are seen with Leonard again.

  • Leonard: Three and a half minutes! Two hundred and ten seconds is how long it took you to wind up back here after what we just discussed. That was the last straw.
  • Chief: y does ppls k33p saying that weve still gots liek half a box
  • Arbiter: Shut the fuck up!
  • Leonard: It's over. You guys are done.
  • Chief: NO  /  NO  /  U CANOT DOES THIS
  • Leonard: Yes I can.
  • Chief: o ya lol but plz dont plox  /  plixy plex
  • Arbiter: Please give us one more shot, I know I can --
  • Leonard: No. I gave you your shot and you blew it. You're gone. It's been done. You're discharged.
  • Chief: [hopping up and down frantically] PLZ DONT KICKED US  /  PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
  • Leonard: Shut up, and get out!
  • Leonard: [sarcastic] What do you think?
  • Chief: ...o thank god  /  :)

Arbiter looks at Chief and shakes his head in both frustration, shame, and disappointment. Then he heads for the stairs.

  • Arbiter: I respect your decision. Sorry for wasting your time.

Chief follows him and the two walk across the map.

  • Chief: hay so u wanna does sum double t33m nao then?  /  and i m33n double t33m ur mom LOL no jk but srsly doubl t33m?  /  jk again btw i does wana doubel t33m ur mom LOL but u wana do halos doubel t33m?"
  • Arbiter: Don't fucking talk to me.
  • Chief: Y?

Arbiter stops and faces Chief.

  • Arbiter: You're such a fucking idiot. And I'm talking world-class. The lowest lifeform of the low. I'm including bacteria and algie and shit. But it isn't even something you can wrap your head around since you're so fucking clueless.
  • Chief: no u lol

Arbiter shakes his head in disappointment again and they resume walking.

  • Chief: so doubel t33m?

Credits roll. The end.