← "A Scientific Fax" "From the Ashes" "The Gun Show" →


Chief is seen standing in the apartment.

  • Chief:"UM / hey arbitur?

Arbiter walks up with Jon's video camera.

  • Arbiter:"Fingers crossed. Jon dropped a grand for this thing. It still turns on at least.
  • Chief:"he payed a hundrid MS points foar taht piece of shit?
  • Arbiter:"A thousand. Dollars.
  • Chief:"y? teh fuckign thing doesnt werk
  • Arbiter:"Niether does your brain, witch is why you knocked it off the kitchen counter. Maybe if the former was working the latter would be too. Have you set everything up?
  • Chief:"ya
  • They look over at the set.
  • Arbiter:"...What the fuck?

The set is shown to be all but destroyed.

  • Arbiter:"What happened?
  • Chief:"i dunno
  • Arbiter:"What did you do to it?
  • Chief:"i didnt do anythign i founded it liek this
  • Arbiter:"You "founded" it like this?
  • Chief:"im totally srs / >:I [serious face]
  • Arbiter:"How did it get like that just sitting in the closet? It looks like a dog's been at it.
  • Chief:"omg mebbeh it was ghosts
  • Arbiter:"Ghosts. Ghosts fucked up our set. Yeah, probably. Goddamn ghosts with nothing better to do than mess with our arts and crafts.
  • Chief:"they shud rly get a lief / ROFL
  • Arbiter:"Or just maybe you put it up last time at an angle like I explicitly told you not to.
  • Chief:"no i put it in gud
  • Arbiter:"Was it sitting at an angle or was it straight up?
  • Chief:"@ a str8 angle
  • Arbiter:"You put it in at an angle, didn't you?
  • Chief:"NO
  • Arbiter:"Yes you did.
  • Chief:"no i put it in str8
  • Arbiter:"Straight up at an angle.
  • Chief:"faget i was caerful / i waz full of caer
  • Arbiter:"Witch loosened all the tape and now this mess is what we're left with. I can't believe we used three rolls on this mother fucker.
  • Chief:"o teh set? i thot we was talking abot ur mom lolollololollolol
  • Arbiter:"Jesus Christ. I hate you.

Arbiter goes and examines the set closely.

  • Arbiter:"Sigh. Well it was a heap of shit to begin with anyway. Viewers were probably getting tired of it. Same constricting set every episode.
  • Chief:"and puttign all thoes shitty kids gaems in teh background / so wer we film our hypermails nao?
  • Arbiter:"Wherever I guess. The apartment can be our backdrop. But be more careful around the camera.

Arbiter starts walking away.

  • Chief:" no u
  • Arbiter:"I am careful around it!
  • Chief:"no u
  • Arbiter:"Shut up!
  • Chief:"no u
  • Arbiter:"No you!
  • Chief:"no u

Opening credits roll.

The two are seen on the kitchen counter with the Hypernews screen on the wall behind them.

  • Arbiter:"Welcome back to hypermail.
  • Chief:"sup bitches
  • Arbiter:"We've had an unfortunate set malfunction. Hence the change in locale. We have a lot of hypermail so let's get to it. This one's from Ramiro. "Hey". Hey, man.
  • Chief:"o hai
  • Arbiter:"Thanks for watching the show.
  • Chief:"this hyparmails is from mark / " Dear Chief. Stop letting Arbiter give you so much shit all the time. Punch out that prick if he tries to talk you down again. He's just butthurt because everyone's had his mom and he plays nintendo games with shitty graphics for babies 'cause he can't use the correct strategy for armor lock." / ROFL / " Stay 1337- Mark. What made Arbiter so gay?" lol
  • Arbiter:"God help us.
  • Chief:"c? 2 agenst 1 taht maeks it trufax / thx bro / i wish moar cool gaiz liek u watched mai sho
  • Arbiter:"Our show.
  • Chief:"mai show / butt 2 be faer not taht many ppl hav had arbiturs mom / sh3s too busy w/ meh all teh tiem lol
  • Arbiter:"Guess that's why you could never imrpove your skills at Halo on your own. You're to busy having sex with my non-existant mother so much.
  • Chief:"fuck u ive alwaes rocked / i roxor ur sox and box0rs
  • Arbiter:"This next one's from Mike ."Dear Arbiter, I know you like Claire. But there's plenty of female dolls on amazon ;). Why don't you order one with Jon's credit card instead of just sitting around waiting for something that can never really happen? Much love, bro." That's a good idea Mike but I don't feel comfortable purchasing female company. With Jon's money no less. And they probably wouldn't be "living" like us. Much love back to you bro and thanks for watching the show. Chief?

Arbiter looks over. Chief is gone.

  • Arbiter:"What the hell? Chief? Where are you?

Arbiter sees Chief dragging Jon's wallet over to the computer.

  • Arbiter:"Don't tell me you're doing what I think you're doing.
  • Chief:"implying taht i shudn't be doing teh greatest fucking ideh evar?

Chief tries to open the wallet and his hand comes off.

  • Chief:"omg
  • Arbiter:"Chief, that's Jon's money!

Chief opens the wallet.

  • Chief:"its on credit card dumass its fr33
  • Arbiter:"Put that away! You're not buying any dolls. I doubt they'd be alive. They wouldn't talk or even move.
  • Chief:"sounds pretty fuckign tight 2 meh
  • Arbiter:"Oh my god...Thanks for tuning in everybody. And dont forget that the Machinima respawn army has launched some badges that any completionists can obtain. The badges are gained by preforming certain acts online in Halo Reach. Head to for more info. Good luck! Thanks for watching. Chief!

Arbiter runs to stop Chief.

  • Chief:"hao many barbi3s can i buy @ ounce? is ther liek a limit?

Credits roll. The end.