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Scene 1: Bathroom Entrance Edit

[This episode starts with a shot of the bathroom door.]

[Shot of the vacuum warning sign on the bathroom door.]

[Shot of Arbiter taking painkillers]

[Arbiter takes the painkillers and walks out of the bathroom]

[Chief walks to the bathroom entrance.]

  • Chief: hai

[Arbiter ignores Chief and keeps on walking]

  • Chief: SRY, I SHOULDVE CHEQUED 2 S33N IF I WAS H33R 1ST / O W8 / 2 hell w/ u 2

[Chief closes the bathroom door.]

  • Cortana: Arbiter's been popping pain-killers as if they were breakfast cereal. Though, you wouldn't wash cereal down with whiskey.
  • Chief: payne killar cereals? shut up and t00k my monies

[Chief sits down against the bathroom door]

  • Chief: jesus fuck


  • Cortana: Tyler tortured his dog. Colin demonstrated clear intent to abuse a child. The two of them received their coneuppance. Eugene chose to channel his anger -- fueled by circumstance -- through malice, and the combination of the two drove him to make the decision to take his own life. It was his own. All three caused beyond hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of property damage. Yourself and Arbiter contributed to the figure, but the two of you were sucked in during a moment of weakness. You eventually came to your senses and put a stop to the others. You're not at fault. You really feel terrible, don't you?
  • Chief: no fucking shit / i killed u / greg left cuz of me / i blamed both of the 2 of u leaving on arbitur / eugene was the only guy i met online whos evar liked me and he just put a bullets thru his fucking head


  • Cortana: You've changed.

Chief looks up at Cortana.

  • Cortana: I suppose you don't need me around anymore.

Chief looks back down.

  • Cortana: I have one final request. With the time you and Arbiter have left, please be the best friend to him that you can possibly be.
  • Chief: i wanna b ur friend 2 / i doesnt wanted u 2 go n e moar / u axed me if i was falling in love w/ u / i said no / this is probably gonna sounded super gay / butt i think i has.

Chief looks up, seeing no sight of Cortana.

  • Chief: cortana?

Chief does not receive a response. He tries looking in the bathtub, but does not find Cortana.

Chief tries looking in the toilet, but still doesn't find her. He gives up and sits back down against the bathroom door.

Scene 2: Bedroom Edit

This scene starts with a shot of the Arbiter on a bed with Jon's laptop.

A USB is seen connected to the laptop. Arbiter is also seen typing on it.

[Shot of Arbiter at the bedroom window smoking]

[Chief comes to the bedroom window with the Arbiter.

  • Chief: its a cigarette, not a shake weight
  • Arbiter: My nerves are shot.
  • Chief: relacks / just kept ur eyes wide open, take tiny, panicked breaths and kept thinking about eugene rage quitting life over and over in ur head / kept saying sum g00d things 2 urself / sum shit like, "im in my happy place" / i think i saw that on a shows once / ur welcome
  • Arbiter: Thanks, but I don't place much faith in mantras, personally. I'd have to be really and truly desperate.
  • Chief: gimme 1 of those bad boys

Arbiter helps Chief light up his cigarette.

  • Arbiter: Not sure how long Colin will be imprisoned for, but due to the fact that he's a white, introverted software nerd and a kid fucker, he'll likely be targeted by his inmates for rape and sold as a cell bitch for a pack of smokes.
  • Chief: LOL out loud
  • Arbiter: I'm not kidding.

Chief turns and looks at Arbiter.

  • Chief: maybe he deserves it


  • Arbiter: Maybe.


  • Chief: and tylers doggy opened a whole entire can of whoop asses on him
  • Arbiter: That psychotic asshole abused that poor animal relentlessly. His blood isn't on us. He had that coming. Eugene was an abused animal. The world bit him hard, and he bit back. It pushed him to the absolute edge. Then we came along and nudged him off.
  • Chief: we didnt nudged him / he jumped


  • Arbiter: I called it. Anonymity corrupts. Remember that? I sent Colin's files to the network support team. Also shot a monolithic wall-of-text apology off to Claire.
  • Chief: b cuz being in the friend zone is better than nothing, m i rite? / kept telling urself that
  • Arbiter: I crossed the point of no return with her. It'd be a miracle if she responded. We were never meant to make friends. This is the price we pay for trying.
  • Chief: except foar each others, i guessed / me and u has always had our differences / u liked shitty games / i liked g00d games / ur smart / im smarter / ur a pu$$y / i get pu$$y
  • Arbiter: You're very funny, Chief.
  • Chief: butt what does u said to setting those 2 the sides and making the best out of the times we gots left? / THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST OF THOSE / and nothings ever gonna kept us down


  • Arbiter: I'd like that.

Scene 3: Hallway Edit

[This scene starts as the scene cuts from black to Chief playing retro titles.]

[Text appears saying one week later]

  • Chief: ive said it b4 and ill said it again, this is 1 of the single greatest games ive ever played

[Shot of Sonic 3 for the Sega Genesis is inserted into the Sega Genesis console]

  • Chief: FUCK YEAH BLAST PROCESSING / wtf kind of musics r those / PLAY ACTIVATE / now thats my shits rite their, son

Arbiter is seen holding Jon's Blackberry

  • Arbiter: Truth be told, 'Activate' is just too good and I don't think I deserve to listen to it.
  • Chief: well, i cant argued w/ u they're

Arbiter puts the Blackberry down.

  • Chief: NOT ENUFF BASS / gotta bring those shits and dropped them, does u knew what im saying? / WUB WUB WUB
  • Arbiter: The music's shuffling. I'm sure you'll be happy soon enough.

Arbiter walks away from Chief.

Arbiter: Come on, step it up. You're too slow. Your retro gaming experience is far from over. Which do you prefer to play next, Super Mario World or Super Metroid? Both are essential.

  • Chief: METROID / hes a pretty c00l guy / i can pretend im playing as mastur ch33f / their both robutts / :)
  • Arbiter: Yeah, right. I'll need to dig out the cables for the Super Nintendo, pretty sure they're in the hall closet. Be right back.

Arbiter walks to the closet.

The Game Over music from Sonic 3 is heard.

  • Chief: WHAT THE FLYING FUCK / >:( / THATS HORSESHIT / JESUS CHRIST, THIS IS SRSLY THE WORST FUCKING GAMES EVAR MADE / how the hell could jon ackshully liked this crap? he must lissened 2 t00 much of the rap musics / METROID BETTER NOT SUCKED AS MUCH ASS AS THIS STEAMING PILE OF SHITS / U HEARD ME?

Chief looks towards the closet's location. Arbiter hasn't come back with the SNES cables.


Chief gets up and walks towards the closet.

  • Chief: arbitur? / ud better answered me when i axe u a quest chin, or ur in foar a world of hertz, son

Chief stops and freezes in place as soon as he spots the Arbiter. The screen cuts to a shot of the box that had the SNES cables.

The camera pans left towards the Arbiter who too is frozen in place. It pans down-right towards Cortana's empty baseplate.

End credits roll.