FANDOM


← "Aces and Spaces" "Giveth and Taketh" "God's Work" →
This is the transcript for Season 4 episode, Giveth and Taketh.

Scene 1: Jon's BedroomEdit

Opening credits roll. Master Chief is seen playing on Halo 3 ODST, while Arbiter is seen getting up.

  • Arbiter: It’s almost 2011. I wonder what you’re playing. Maybe it’s what you’re playing every single other time. A drum roll, please. What is it?

Arbiter walks over to see Chief playing Halo 3 ODST.

  • Arbiter: Holy shit. It’s Halo 3. This is the biggest surprise since Jesus rose from the dead. Hey, Georgia Strait? Hold your front page. Guess what Master Chief is doing.

Arbiter pulls out Jon's Laptop and begins using it himself.

  • Arbiter: Horizons as broad as a fly’s cock.
  • Chief: this is the most boringest fuckign gaem evar maed.
  • Arbiter: ...What?
  • Chief: HALO 3 SUX NAO
  • Arbiter: ...Halo 3 sucks?
  • Chief: YES
  • Arbiter: That’s a bit profound coming from you. I thought it was just your favoritest game ever.

Chief gets up and walks away.

  • Chief: not sinse i has ben teesed with the delights of reach
  • Arbiter: Ah, I see now. Bewitched like so many.

Chief is now seen returning to the Xbox 360, carrying a hard drive.

  • Arbiter: What are you doing?
  • Chief: the beta’s on this drive, i tooks it out so xbox live couldnt take it off
  • Arbiter: Um...

Arbiter watches as Chief plugs the hard drive into the Xbox 360.

  • Arbiter: I’ve got some bad news for you, dude.
  • Chief: wut

Scene 2: Jon's DeskEdit

After learning the truth of Halo: Reach's Beta being discontinued, Chief is now seen holding Jon's Cell Phone, he is dialing 9-1-1.

  • Policeman: 911, Emergency?
  • Chief: HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP ME--
  • Policeman: Okay, if this is a prank call, you need to hang up now, but if this is some old woman smashing her keyboard in panic, can you tell me what your emergency is? Fire? Or theft?
  • Chief: NO I WAS ROBBED
  • Policeman: ...Okay, that’s what theft is.
  • Chief: NO I WAS ROBBED
  • Policeman: Theft means robbery.
  • Chief: NO I WAS ROBBED
  • Policeman: Okay, are you alright? Are you injured?
  • Master Chief: BROKEN HEART DUDE, MIGHT NEVAR HEAL
  • Policeman: Okay, I think this is a prank now, so please hang up now or I will dispatch the authorities.
  • Chief: GOOD, send them to fucking kirkland
  • Policeman: No, sir, they’d be coming for you.

Arbiter walks in and sees Chief on the phone.

  • Chief: wtf that makes like no sense at all
  • Arbiter: Who are you talking to?
  • Chief: nobody go away
  • Policeman: Excuse me?
  • Chief: not u, hot cakes
  • Policeman: Did you just call me hot cakes?
  • Arbiter: Who is that?
  • Chief: FUCK OFF
  • Policeman: Look, prank calling emergency services is a criminal offence, believe it or not, and if you don’t end this call right now I’ll have no choice but to send officers to your location.
  • Arbiter: --WOW, hey. NO.

As the policeman is talking, Arbiter realizes who Chief has called and bolts up Jon's desk and grabs the phone, both Arbiter and Chief fight over who holds the phone.

  • Arbiter: Give me that phone! Are you out of your mind?
  • Chief: U R NOT MAI BABBYSITTAR, WERE ON TEH SAEM LVL U PRICK, GET UR HANDS OFF TEH FUCKIGN PHOEN

After a short tussle, Arbiter wins the struggle and shoves Chief back, who hits the wall.

  • Arbiter: Hello, I’m so sorry. Please don’t dispatch anyone. I’m sorry my friend wasted your time, I assure you it won’t happen again.
  • Policeman: Oh, so you’re Microsoft Mike now. Yes, I’ve seen that Master Chief thing on YouTube too, you know.
  • Chief: (flailing around angrily) WEN I DWONLODED TEH BETA IT BEKAEM MAI PROPRETY, BUNGIE CANT JUTS TAEK IT BAK, TIHS IS AMURICA
  • Arbiter: Actually this is Canada. And you didn’t pay anything for it, shut up. I’m sorry. Goodbye.

As Arbiter hangs up to phone, Chief runs over and punches Arbiter in the face, knocking him over. Chief then looks down at Arbiter.

  • Chief: I HAET U

Scene 3: Jon's BedroomEdit

Arbiter is now seen holding his left eye while sitting at the laptop. Master Chief is seen playing Halo 3.

  • Chief: reach doesnt cum out 4 infinit yeers. that is all i can prosess.
  • Arbiter: Yeah. Or just over one month.
  • Chief: hows your eye, faggot?
  • Arbiter: I’m seriously pretty sure I hate you.

Master Chief discards the controller, gets up and faces Arbiter.

  • Chief: u bought that injuree upon urself
  • Arbiter: “BROUGHT” that upon myself.
  • Chief: yes
  • Arbiter: No! I was correcting you! God damnit!
  • Chief: do not push meh beeyond mai barriers agaen, arbitur. next tiem i may have 2 ues mai ninjutsu, let me tells u sumthign. u do not want 2 c me ues mai fuckign ninjutsu for teh world's sake
  • Arbiter: What are you playing now?

Master Chief is now seen carrying the case for Halo 2 towards the Xbox 360.

  • Chief: HALO 2 ONLINE, RELIVE SUM GLORY DAYS
  • Arbiter: Um...

​Credits roll. The end.