← "Game Over" "Ignition" "Fatal Exception" →

Scene 1: Hall Edit

[close-up shot of the Guy Fawkes mask]

[shot of Arbiter and Chief's feet as the camera rotates up to their heads]

  • Arbiter: You might consider explaining why I found this buried in that box of junk before I cave your fucking face in with it.
  • Chief: i dunno LOL / guessed she left it behind / cum on dude, grabbed those cables already / i wanna played serious samus
  • Arbiter: Cortana's a one-piece figurine. No joints. Without this, she'd topple like Saddam. You telling me she suddenly felt like a stretch of the legs and walked out the door? She wouldn't have left it behind. Besides, Greg wrote that he helped her mail herself. He would've made sure that she didn't leave it. She must've been detached by force.
  • Chief: star trek was just a movie, dude
  • Arbiter: What is it you're not telling me?


  • Chief: if ud has cl33n3d out all those semens in ur ears, ud has heard me saying greg was an asshole since the very beginnings / guessed him and cortana didnt got along as well as we thought / fucking spiders, bro / cant b trusted / pricks, all of them
  • Arbiter: That's horseshit. Greg was a kind soul, and he and Cortana got along like a house on fire.
  • Chief: u hiding another guy in ur ass? / who else could it has b33n, huh?


  • Arbiter: I fucking wonder.
  • Chief: implying i had n e things 2 does w/ this / rofl XD / i srsly hope u doesnt thought that / costanza dot jpeg
  • Arbiter: No, I don't think that.
  • Chief: gud
  • Arbiter: I know it.
  • Chief: o, is that a fax?
  • Chief: ive got another package 4 u, rite h33r / wat is it u thought i did, exactly?
  • Arbiter: I'm frightened to know -- but you're going to tell me right now.
  • Chief: i has no things 2 told u / sry 2 busted ur balls, butt i didnt do shit / suck my dick

Chief walks away, but Arbiter follows him.

  • Chief: wtf --? / OW / :( [Sad face]

Arbiter knocks Chief down against the wall.

  • Arbiter: Cortana didn't mail herself anywhere. Fucking hell -- I had to believe that, didn't I? She's an intellectual. As much of a pain in the ass as you were, why would she willingly part from who are quite possibly the only other talking toys in existence and run the risk of never engaging in conversation again?
  • Chief: and how does u knew were the only other 1s of those? / u hiding sum crystal balls in ur pu$$y, 2?
  • Arbiter: If there were others, the world would've heard stories by now. Tell me what you did. Now.
  • Chief: i fucked ur whore mother

Arbiter kicks Chief in his crotch.

  • Chief: AAH / SON OF A BITCH / :((((((((( {Super sad face expression} / MAI TENTACLES / IT WAS AN ACCIDENTS


  • Arbiter: What was an accident?
  • Chief: um -- nothing, lol / nvm / GLAD ALL THATS OUT OF THE WAYS / samus arab awaits us / who else is gonna defeated ridley scott and saved the lylat system?

Arbiter stomps on Chief's chest.

  • Arbiter: Tell me what you did before I stomp your fucking head flat.


  • Arbiter: That isn't funny, Chief.
  • Chief: ITS NOT A JOKES

Chief stands up against the wall.

  • Chief: i pulled the ovens plugs and shut cortana inside of it as a super funny prank / i was only trying to scared her into taking back all those m33n things she said about me the days before / i turned the ovens on thinking it didnt has n e powers, butt i guessed u plugged it back in like a fucking retart sum times b4
  • Arbiter: You-- You did what?
  • Chief: she melted b4 i could saved her

Arbiter raises his hands over his head in fury.

  • Arbiter: Oh, mother of Christ. No. No, no. This can't be happening. This is a nightmare. This is a fucking nightmare and I'm going to wake up in a minute.

[long beat] 

Kansas City (Winter Face Remix) starts playing.

  • Chief: i was gonna told u --
  • Arbiter: Like hell you were, you sick son of a bitch. Greg knew, didn't he? Why the fuck didn't he tell me?
  • Chief: he wanted 2 / i talked him into covering 4 me / he didnt wanted 2 ruined what u and me had going at the times



  • Chief: u mad, bro?


  • Arbiter: You're poison. Your infantile volatility and cowardice rid us of our only true friends in the world.
  • Chief: HAY IM NOT THE FUCKING MOUTH BREATHER WHO PLUGGED THE OVEN BACK IN / as a matress of fax, if u rly, actually thought about it, its all ur faults, if u thought about it

Arbiter angrily stands up.

  • Arbiter: What did you just say?
  • Chief: no things -- i took that back

Chief stands up in fear.

  • Chief: k? its both of our faults / they're / waters over the bridge

Arbiter runs after Chief.

  • Chief: arbitur --! / o shit
  • Arbiter: Come here.

Scene 2: Apartment fight Edit

This scene starts with Chief attempting to run away from Arbiter, who's in a fit of rage, chasing him.

  • Chief: no.
  • Arbiter: I wouldn't have given power back to the oven if you hadn't also pulled the plug on out console while you were disconnecting it, you retarded sack of shit.

Chief holds onto a wire.

  • Chief: no u / EAT MY F33T

Chief hits the Arbiter.

  • Arbiter: Ow! You fucking mother fuck --! I'm gonna kill your fucking ass, you homicidal son of a bitch!
  • Chief: no pls

Chief falls to the floor, Arbiter slowly approaches him. Chief uppercuts him

  • Arbiter: Aah!

A box of Cheerios is knocked over. Chief gets up and pulls out a kitchen knife. Arbiter gets up.

  • Arbiter: Put the fucking knife down!

Arbiter picks up a frying pan.

  • Arbiter: We'll see how this pans out for you!

Chief strikes with the knife, Arbiter also strikes with his frying pan. Arbiter bashes the knife away. Chief runs back. Arbiter attempts to throw the frying pan at Chief, but is unsuccessful.

  • Arbiter: Get the fuck back here!
  • Chief: no

Chief runs into the bathroom.

  • Chief: arbiter -- u gots 2 settled down, buddy
  • Arbiter: I'm gonna settle my foot in your ass!

Chief tries to close the door, Arbiter slams it open sending Chief flying backwards. He slides on the floor.

  • Chief: OW / GODDAMMIT ARBITUR. STOP / IM SRY / K? / IM RLY, RLY SRY / THEIR I APOLOGIZED TWICE / all better now, m i rite? / i told u it was an accidents, k? / what moar does u wanted, a suck job?

Arbiter enters the bathroom still pursuing Chief. Chief climbs onto the toilet, then the sink. Arbiter climbs up too.

  • Arbiter: Cortana died in agonizing pain because of you, and you're going to pay for it whether you want to or not.

Arbiter slowly approaches Chief.

  • Chief: no, k? / k. / THROW ALL THE THINGS

Chief picks up a pack of matches and tosses them at Arbiter. Arbiter catches them and throws them out of Chief's reach. Arbiter slams his fist into Chief's visor and his visor falls off.

  • Arbiter: If you think it's in rough shape now, all I can say is that you'd better fucking brace yourself. It's about to be rendered unrecognizable.
  • Chief: NO / AAH / OW / AAH / ARBITUR -- / PLS -- / STOP -- /

Arbiter repeatedly beats Chief to a pulp and knocks his head on the wall.

  • Arbiter: Fucking cocksucker!
  • Chief: WHOAMG

Arbiter snaps and throws Chief into the air. As a result, Chief flys into the wall, breaking him to pieces. His lower body is separated from his torso and he loses his limbs.

  • Arbiter: Oh, god -- What have I done?

Arbiter runs down to Chief.

  • Arbiter: Chief?
  • Chief: [gibberish]

The fight ends.

Scene 3: Hall Edit

Arbiter backs away frozen in horror from the bathroom, where Chief lies, broken in half, speaking gibberish.

[a knock is heard at the door; Arbiter turns to the door; he moves towards the centre of the hallway and stands directly in front of the door]

[more knocks are heard]

  • Arbiter: Who is it?
  • Unknown Person: Delivery.


  • Arbiter: Tyler?


  • Tyler: Yeah. Open up. We need to talk.


  • Arbiter: How the hell did you find this place?
  • Tyler: You'd probably be surprised by the amount of data you can pull from a digital image. Pulled a picture from your loser roommate's shitty blog and found your precise coordinates. Booked a flight, looked up your roommate's name on the intercom, I waited outside the front door until somebody came out. 


  • Arbiter: And what is it that you want, exactly?


  • Tyler: Eugene was my best friend since second grade. I can think of a few brighter moments in my life than answering to his house to find a clean-up crew scraping his brain off his ceiling. It was as if the place was caked by an exploded lasagna. 

Arbiter looks down as Tyler mentions Eugene.

  • Arbiter: Oh, Jesus.


  • Tyler: Anyway, its really been fucking with my head, and I feel like I need to talk to somebody. I'd hit up Colin if he wasn't too preoccupied in the can getting gang raped.

Arbiter looks down.


  • Tyler: C'mon, dude. Let me in. I don't hate you guys, okay? I just wanna talk, that's all.

[long beat]

  • Arbiter: If all you really want to do is talk, why did you initially pose as a courier?


  • Tyler: Figured you might not let me in if I didn't.


  • Arbiter: Well, you figured right, Miss Cleo. Listen, I'm sorry that Eugene chose to take his own life -- truly -- but you've demonstrated yourself to be a psychopath and you need to fuck off before I call the police. 


  • Tyler: Have it your way!

A chainsaw is heard. Arbiter steps back in surprise.

  • Arbiter: Oh, shit.
  • Police Officer: Freeze, police! Stop what you're doing now! Turn around, drop the saw, drop it now! Drop it, get on your knees and put your hands behind your head! Please don't make me shoot!

The chainsaw stops revving.


The chainsaw begins revving again.

  • Police Officer: Stop! Don't!

Gunshots are fired and wood chippings fly from the door.

Arbiter covers his head and runs to cover.

  • Arbiter: Jesus fucking Christ!

The revving stops. Arbiter turns the corner and moves towards the door, the dubstep music increases in volume.

Tyler's blood seeps down from the bulletholes in the door.

As Arbiter approaches the door, Chief can be heard from the bathroom, still speaking gibberish.

  • Chief: [more gibberish]

Arbiter turns towards the bathroom.

  • Chief: [more gibberish]

Arbiter sits down by the door.

  • Chief: [more gibberish]

Tyler's blood seeps down the door and drips on to Arbiter's helmet.

  • Chief: [more gibberish]

Dubstep music lowers.

  • Chief: [more gibberish]
  • Arbiter: I'm in my happy place.
  • Chief: [more gibberish]
  • Arbiter: I'm in my happy place.

Dubstep increases again.

  • Chief: [more gibberish]

[cut to black; silence]

Scene 4: Last smoke Edit

Smash in on the apartment at morning. The sink is heard running.

Frame switches to the tap, a helmet appears on screen being washed.

Frame switches to the Arbiter who is washing his helmet from the earlier event.

  • Chief: [gibberish]

Arbiter looks up, as Chief is heard speaking more letters.

Scene switches to Arbiter nervously smoking a cigarette.

Arbiter shakes the cigarette box.

  • Arbiter: Goddammit -- give me a fucking break, will you?

Arbiter throws the empty box away.

Scene switches to the office chair, with Arbiter holding an Xbox controller.

Scene 5: Tempest Edit

Cut to in-game, with Arbiter's avatar running.

Arbiter opens fire on a player, but is killed.

  • Random Player: It was an honor to play with you, Ray Charles.

Cut to Arbiter's avatar running.

  • Random Player 2: You suck! Either get the fuck out or feed your concentration with a banana, you fucking chimp. Better yet, how about you do everyone a favor and just fucking kill yourself.

Arbiter's avatar slowly turns to face the player.

[Cut to live-scene]

  • Arbiter: Okay.

Scene 6: Bathroom Edit

[This scene starts as Arbiter stops playing Halo Reach and gets up from the seat]

Arbiter looks at the open window.

He looks at the bathroom door.

[Shot of Chief and his dismembered body parts in the bathroom]

[Shot of Chief's torso with no arms and no visor]

[Close up shot of Chief's head]

  • Arbiter: Chief?

Chief moves in fear.

  • Chief: [gibberish]
  • Arbiter: It's alright, relax -- I'm not going to hurt you any more than I already have. Once I actually tear your limb from limb, there's not much room left for imagination. The king's horses and men are all getting shit-faced down at the bar unfortunately, but let's try to put you back together again anyhow.

[Arbiter moves Chief's legs, then picks up his arms and visor.]

[He attaches Chief's arms to his torso.]

  • Arbiter: Nod if you can see and move your arms.

[Chief moves his head up and down]

  • Arbiter: I'm not sure if I can pop your legs back in without taking you apart further and possibly killing you. God knows what exactly it takes to stop us from functioning. Can you speak?
  • Chief: [Gibberish]


  • Arbiter: Not that you weren't talking incomprehensible gibberish long before this mess, but can you say anything that could even vaguely be interpreted as a sentence?
  • Chief: [Gibberish]


  • Arbiter: What you did to Cortana was obscene and unforgiveable, and I refuse to accept any blame for it -- but nobody deserves this. I snapped. I suppose we both did, each in our own way. And I suppose more of Eugene's knee-jerk volatility rubbed off on me than I thought. I'm not sure what else I can say or do for you. I'm so sorry. Goodbye, Chief.

[Arbiter turns around and walks away.]

[Chief looks at Arbiter walking away]

  • Chief: [Gibberish]

Scene 7: Living room Edit

[This scene starts as Arbiter is standing by the open window]

  • Arbiter: So this is what it's all come to. Awesome. Awesome possum.

[Up close shot of Arbiter preparing to jump out of the window.]

  • Arbiter: There's nothing left for you here. This is what you deserve. This also happens to be your ticket to salvation. You're a lucky mother fucker to have this opportunity. Just a couple of terrifying seconds in exchange for bliss. Now that's a fucking bargain. Don't think about it, just do it. Come on, you fucking pussy. You worthless, plastic c██t. Do it. Fucking do it. Now.

[Arbiter walks to the windows edge.]

[His suicide is interrupted by a voice.]

Female Voice: Arbiter?

Arbiter turns around.

Scene 8: Tempest Edit

[Cut to an in game shot of Arbiter's Avatar with Claire standing beside it]

Clare: I read your email, figured we could talk about what happened. As much as you hurt me, you've done a lot for me in the past and I'll never forget, and I'm not ready to give up on you. Are you there?

[Cut back to the living room]

[Arbiter briefly looks back at the open window, then at the TV. Arbiter again looks at the open window]

Cut back to an in-game close up shot at Arbiter's avatar.

[Close up shot of Claire.]

[Claire looks down, turns around and walks away.]

  • Arbiter: I'm here.

[Claire turns around towards Arbiter. Arbiter approaches her.]

  • Arbiter: Sorry about that. I was about to kill myself.

Clare: You have a morbid sense of humor. How's your day been?

  • Arbiter: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I've certainly been better. Though, things finally seem to be looking up.

This part of the transcript has not yet been filled in. You can help!

Scene 9: Bathroom Edit

[Back in the bathroom, Chief continues to lie against the wall with his arms reattached, though he is still speaking gibberish.]

  • Chief: [gibberish]

He bangs his head against the wall.

  • Chief: [gibberish]

He bangs it again.

  • Chief: [gibberish]

He bangs it one more time.

  • Chief: fuck me -- OMG thank christ

He looks around the bathroom.

  • Chief: cortana? / u around? / pls came back / tfw no legs / and no qt 3.14 gf / :( / pretty ossim possim fucking day so far / goddammit this sucks cock

He then looks over and sees the matchbox he threw at Arbiter earlier with a single, unlit match still inside. Chief only looks at it without moving an inch.

This part of the transcript has not yet been filled in. You can help!

Scene 10: Breakneck Edit

[A couple of shots from "Breakneck" are shown; we see Arbiter and Claire walking on a walkway in the middle of the map.]

Clare: Needless to say I didn't appreciate having my console bricked a second time. Luckily I manages to find a replacement for a bargain. A friend of mine at school was selling his.

[Claire stops; Arbiter stops later, then faces her]

  • Arbiter: Glad to hear it. I apologize profusely that you were banned again, but believe me when I say that it'll never reoccur. I'm no longer friends with those undesirables you found me with at the time, and all the threat's been eliminated.

Clare: Finally came to your senses, huh?

The camera then focuses on Arbiter.

  • Arbiter: And then some. We banned them. One was mauled by his dog. Chief and I realized that another was a sex offender. We incriminated him, and his home was consequently raided by the police. And the third, Eugene -- the one who banned you -- recently stuck a gun in his mouth and blew his brains out.

[Brief pause]

  • Clare: Are you serious? Holy shit.
  • Arbiter: Yeah.


  • Arbiter: I told Chief that he and I were never meant to make friends.
  • Clare: I'm your friend and I'm still here.

[Brief pause]

  • Arbiter: I can't even begin to tell you how gratefull I am for the fact.

[Brief pause again]

  • Clare: Are you alright?

[Arbiter turns his side]

  • Arbiter: I'm just tired.


  • Arbiter: If I were to drop dead today, I'm pretty sure I'd be perfectly okay with it. And it's not really a Poor-me-I-can't-go-on kind of thing. I have no means of offering anything of true substance to the world, even if I had something to give. I just feel like I'm done. Ready to check out.
  • Clare: You can go ahead and stuff that crock of shit straight up your ass.


  • Clare: Aside from the good you've done for me, just knowing you has taught me things. Things that have shaped my personality and my life for the better.


  • Clare: I'm sorry that you considered me a 'fair weather' friend.

[Brief pause]

  • Arbiter: You don't owe me an apology. You've reached an exciting new chapter of your life, and you should be living it to the fullest extent and not letting me drag you down.


  • Arbiter: Besides, I don't deserve friends.
  • Clare: Fuck off. Everybody deserves friends. Well, almost everybody. Certainly you -- and I intend to allocate as much time for you as is necessary for our friendship to be considered real.

Arbiter pauses again.

  • Clare: I have to go right now, but let's make a point of playing together for an hour or two every day. Starting tomorrow.

[Brief pause again]

  • Arbiter: I'll be there.
  • Clare: Glad to hear it.


  • Clare: Bye, Arbiter.
  • Arbiter: Later.

Claire turns around; walks away; Arbiter watches her leaving.

He turns to his side again. He looks up.

Fire and smoke belching from a devastated skyscraper is shown

The camera centers in the destruction.

This part of the transcript has not yet been filled in. You can help!

Scene 11: Kitchen Edit

Arbiter gets up and hears hissing. He walks toward the kitchen, and sees Chief's upper half standing by the oven with a matchbox and a single match in his hands.

  • Arbiter: What are you doing?
  • Chief: take a wild guest / what the flying fuck does it l00ked like im doing
  • Arbiter: Your speech is back.
  • Chief: W/ A VENGEANCE
  • Arbiter: What are you, fucking high?
  • Chief: i wished
  • Arbiter: Have you lost your mind?
  • Chief: if i list my mind, id continued to played video games and choked my chickens until im just some brains in a fucking jar or some shit
  • Arbiter: Or just a jar. And if you had any fucking brains, I doubt you'd find a jar small enough.
  • Chief: in those cases, i hoped u doesnt ever tried to found 1 4 ur dick / come on, dude / i heard u / u wanted this just as much as i does / l00ked @ us / christ, l00ked @ me / u wanna hung around h33r just to ended up like this? / time 2 checked the fuck out / it is those times now.


Arbiter walks towards him.

  • Chief: HAY / i doesnt thought so, mother fucker / u take 1 moar single steps my way and we can continued this discussions on the m00n
  • Arbiter: Chief, we're not the only ones at risk here. You're jeopardizing the life of all of the individuals and families who reside in this building. I'm not going to stop you, but you have to at least let me call the landlord and tell him to evacuate the apartments.
  • Chief: fine / slowly / no sudden movies

Arbiter takes Jon's mobile phone and makes a call.

  • Arbiter: There's a fire in the building. There's no time to explain. Pull the alarm. Get everyone out. Now. [hangs up and drops the phone]
  • Chief: what if he didnt lissened, huh?
  • Arbiter: He will. Jon's landlord's a bro. He wouldn't take a threat like that lightly. Better safe than sorry. Give it a minute.
  • Chief: i guessed its a little bits t00 late 2 thanked tyler for punching 2 fresh glory holes through the d00r
  • Arbiter: Don't remind me. Fucking hell, what a shit-show that was. I wish I'd never met Eugene.


  • Arbiter: Oh, no.
  • Chief: what now?
  • Arbiter: I told Claire I'd meet with her tomorrow. That's not likely to happen unless a smoldering chunk of me miraculously smashes through her bedroom window.
  • Chief: yeah, if shes even @ home and not out prick teasing the shit out of everybody
  • Arbiter: Shut your mouth. Don't talk about her like that.


  • Arbiter: Can't even enjoy one last smoke, even if there were any cigarettes left.
  • Chief: no moar b00ze, either
  • Arbiter: Shame, but aren't you legless enough already?
  • Chief: fuck off, c██t / whose faults r those?
  • Arbiter: Jon might not be too pleased to find a smoldering crater in place of his home.
  • Chief: o rite, that guy whos never fucking h33r / yeah, hell be devastated / dumbass / hell lived

The fire alarm starts buzzing.

  • Arbiter: Didn't ever expect that sound to give me relief.
  • Chief: weve had sum crazy adventures, hasnt we?
  • Arbiter: If you can call them that, sure.


  • Arbiter: God almighty, when I think about the amount of time I've pissed away playing video games when I could've been educating myself more about the world. Enriching myself as a being. Gives me a very sharp pain in my ass.
  • Chief: u sure u hasnt just b33n fisting urself 2 hard? / lol
  • Arbiter: But then I find myself asking what difference it would make.


  • Chief: can i axe u a quest chin? / >:| { serious face } / does u thought that were going 2 hell?
  • Arbiter: We? Likely. You? Absolutely.
  • Chief: YES / w00t
  • Arbiter: Who the fuck knows. I'm not entirely convinced there's an afterlife awaiting anybody, let alone you and I. If Jesus lifts the velvet rope for plastic toys, where does he draw the line? Batteries? Rocks? You?
  • Chief: stfu no u no u no u
  • Arbiter: And if we do go to hell, just imagine that the devil's dick's a Tootsie pop.
  • Chief: yum yum yum
  • Arbiter: And we can take some comfort from the fact that Eugene'll be the first on his knees.
  • Chief: lol
  • Arbiter: Though, from what I hear, all we have to do to avoid being roasted for eternity is to atone for our sins. Find forgiveness.
  • Chief: sry jesus / they're we go
  • Arbiter: That was easy.
  • Chief: can i told u a secret?
  • Arbiter: Might as well, but I've already found your pornography folder, if that's what you were going to mention.
  • Chief: yth w00d i gave 2 shits about that / u already knows i watched sexy pornos --
  • Arbiter: Not that one, the other one.
  • Chief: o. / fuck / srsly?
  • Arbiter: Yeah. You're twisted -- you know that, right?
  • Chief: yes
  • Arbiter: What was it that you wanted to tell me?
  • Chief: i just wanted 2 said that i always thought u were rly c00l, arbitur / even if u r a little bits kind of a total c██t
  • Arbiter: Thanks. That's very nice of you to say, Chief --
  • Chief: not as c00l as me, though / obliviously / /flex
  • Arbiter: Yes. Obliviously.
  • Chief: can u did me 1 last favors?
  • Arbiter: I think I've proven that I can if I've already done it.
  • Chief: if both of the 2 of us are gonna want 2 the after life, u gots 2 hung around the front entrance so i can found u / k? / well went in together / fuck shit up
  • Arbiter: Sure, pal.
  • Chief: :') {smiley crying face}

[Chief ignites the match; cut to black; an explosion, then flames are heard in the background - the apartment starts burning down]

[sirens are heard]