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Scene 1Edit

Viewer discretion warning is shown. Opening credits roll.

Arbiter is seen playing Halo 3 while Chief criticizes Grand Theft Auto IV on GameFaqs. He leaves a comment: WOW THIS GAEM LOOKS LIEK SHIT GUD THIGN SAINTS ROW 2 IS COMING OUT TODAY lol".

  • Arbiter: "Christ. I mean, I like a serious game with good teammates and all, but these guys are like WAY too serious."

Arbiter's teammates are shown in-game on Avalanche.

  • Serious Player 1: "Come on, guys! Let's do this! We cannot lose this match!"
  • Serious Player 2: "This is so serious, you guys! We have to win this! This is such a big deal!
  • Serious Player 3: "Holy shit, you guys. I'm so serious right now."
  • Serious Player 1: "You think you're serious?"
  • Serious Player 3: "Dude, my face is so fucking serious right now! You should see my serious face!"
  • Serious Player 1: "Fuck that I'm way more serious right now then you are!"
  • Serious Player 3: "Oh yeah!?"
  • Serious Player 1: "Yeah!?"
  • Serious Player 2: "Shut the fuck up! I'm more serious than both of you combined!"
  • Serious Player 3: "Bullshit!"
  • Serious Player 1: "Listen to me! You have no idea how fucking serious I am about this match."
  • Serious Player 3: "Oh yeah? You know what I'm gonna do? I'm hooking up my Xbox Live Vision Camera, I'm gonna take a picture of my serious face, and I'm going to send it to you."
  • Serious Player 2: "Shut up! I'm way more fuckin serious than both of you combine!"
  • Serious Player 1: "Fine! I'll do the same. I'll send you mine."

Serious Player 2 gets in a Warthog and drives over.

  • Serious Player 2: "You guys! There's no time! We have to win this match! This is really fucking serious!"
  • Serious Player 3: "He's right. This is really serious."
  • Serious Player 1: "Such a big deal."

The others get in the Warthog and they drive to the the middle of the the map.

  • Serious Player 1: "Who's the other guy on our team?"
  • Serious Player 3: "Some stupid elite."
  • Serious Player 1: "What?! What if he let's us down!? What if we don't level up after this match!?"
  • Serious Player 2: "Then god help us all."

Arbiter is seen coming out of the center tunnel.

  • Arbiter: "Hey, guys, I got the flag. I'm coming through the center."
  • Serious Player 2: "WHAT?! NO! Take the man-cannon across the gap and come outside! We're waiting here!"
  • Arbiter: "Oh. Okay."
  • Serious Player 2: "COME ON! You've got to hurry! This is a big deal! There's no time! (dramatically) There's no tiiiiimmmmmeeee!!!"

Arbiter turns around.

  • Arbiter: "Alright, I'm coming. Jesus."

Arbiter is sniped the instant he gets to the man-cannon.

  • Serious Player 2: "Noooooooooo!!!"
  • Arbiter: "Shit. Sorry, guys."
  • Serious Player 1: "Oh, shit! We're not gonna level up after this match!"
  • Serious Player 2: "MY LIFE IS OVER! THIS IS SUCH A BIG DEAL!"
  • Serious Player 1: "Just great! Just fucking great! Way to go, you idiot!"
  • Serious Player 3: "Such a big deal!"

The rest is unhearable as they overlap each other until Arbiter turns off the Xbox.

  • Arbiter: "Holy shit, that was annoying. Idiots."

Arbiter goes over to Chief.

  • Arbiter: "Still bashing Grand Theft Auto IV ?"
  • Chief: "ya"
  • Arbiter: "You've been doing that all day."
  • Chief: "wat? / ur mom?? / LMAO"
  • Arbiter: "You actually haven't given any reasons why you think GTA IV is so bad. Care to elaborate?"
  • Chief: "b cuz it's p0puler?? / LLOLOLLOOL"

Cortana comes in.

  • Cortana: "It's getting late you guys, you should get some sleep."
  • Arbiter: "Cortana's right. I'm going to bed."
  • Chief: "PUSSY / arbitur / w8
  • Arbiter: "Yeah?"
  • Chief: "wat is taht?"

Chief points at a package in the floor near the kitchen.

  • Arbiter: "A package for Jon that came today. Don't touch it."
  • Chief: "wats in it?"
  • Arbiter: "I don't know. Don't stay up too late."

Arbiter heads off to bed.

Scene 2Edit

3:43 AM. Chief is seen sleeping. A strange shuffling noise wakes him up.

  • Chief: ":0 [surprised face]"

Chief turns on the lights, goes over to the package, and finds it torn open and it's contents missing.

  • Chief: "O SHIT"

Chief hears more shuffling. He looks into the dark kitchen uneasily. He grabs a knife from the case and looks around the kitchen. He turns around to see Todd and Travis in the doorway.

  • Todd: "Hello."
  • Travis: "Yo. You got any beer?"

Chief drops the knife and runs by them in terror.

  • Chief: "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

The noise wakes up Arbiter and Cortana.

  • Cortana: "What the hell?"
  • Arbiter: "What's going on here?"

They come out and see Chief hiding beside the fridge.

  • Todd: "Oh, uh, hello there. Sorry we woke you. We were just really hungry and looking for something to eat."

Travis opens the fridge

  • Travis: "Fuck! They don't have any beer."

Later Todd is seen on the couch reading a book. Arbiter comes over.

  • Arbiter: "Hello. We haven't really had a chance to get properly acquainted. My name is the Arbiter."
  • Todd: "Oh, right, of course, um, my name's Todd. Really nice to meet you."
  • Arbiter: "Todd...Like "Todd McFarlane"?"
  • Todd: "Yep."
  • Arbiter: "You have a better voice too!"
  • Todd: "Yeah, I'm from the new series of action figures. Upgraded voice boxes."
  • Arbiter: "Ah. What about your friend? What's his name?"
  • Todd: "Travis."
  • Arbiter: "Where's that name from?"
  • Todd: "I have no idea."

Chief and Travis are seen watching videos on the computer.

  • Todd: "He and your friend seem to be getting along pretty well."

 Chief and Travis are seen watching a video of cat on a monorail.

  • Video: "Monorail cat!"
  • Travis: "[laughs] This is so stupid. So did Bungie really give you Recon?"
  • Chief: "ya"
  • Travis: "Can I get it?"
  • Chief: "no!"
  • Travis[mumbling]: "... you bitch..."
  • Todd: "It's a bit of a relief, actually. I was afraid Travis wouldn't fit in very well. He's not the brightest guy."
  • Arbiter: "Trust me, Todd. He can't be any more stupid than Chief over there."

Chief and Travis are seen looking at a picture of "levitating" cat.

  • Chief: "hovercat... / IS HOVERING!!1"
  • Travis: "Dude, isn't he on a glass table?"

Cortana comes over to Arbiter and Todd.

  • Cortana: "Hey boys."
  • Arbiter: "Hello."
  • Todd: "Hi."
  • Cortana[to Todd]: "What are you reading?"
  • Todd: "Oh, this? Stephan Colbert's book. I'm a huge fan."
  • Arbiter: "Hey, so am I!"
  • Cortana: "Me too!"

Cortana and Todd exchange romantic looks. Chief watches.

  • Chief: "D:< [angry face]"
  • Travis: "[beat] Dude, you got any porn on here?"

Credits roll. The End.