This is the transcript for the Season 4 episode, Pirates.
| ← "It's a Beta" | "Pirates" | "Aces and Spaces" → |
|---|
Scene 1: Jon's Apartment[]
[Master Chief using a roll of paper in an elastic band as a telescope to pretend to be a pirate, looking out around the room]
- Chief: THE PIRATES LIFES IS TEH LIEFS 4 ME / LOLOLOL AND A BOTTEL OF WIN / TEH PIRAETS LIFES IS THE LIFE FOR ME / LOLOLOL ADN A BOTEL OF WIN
[Chief then spots Arbiter]
- Chief: FOR THE LOVE OF PETE / ITS THE KRAKEN / FIAR THE CANONS / SEND IT 2 DAVEY JONES' FOOT LOCKER
[Chief throws a sock (which Chief referred to as the cannons) in front of Arbiter's feet. Arbiter then dismisses Chief and keeps walking on, eventually climbing into Jon's bed]
- Chief: whats ur problims / WAS ALL THE SWING ON THE PLAYGROUNDS TAKEN?
- Arbiter: I'm not going to preschool, you tool. I'm a university student. Or at least I WAS.
[Chief starts jumping up and down in Jon's new shelf]
- Chief: THE PIRATES LIFE IS TEH LIFE 4 MEH / LOLOLOL AND A BOTIL OF WIN
- Arbiter: Hey! HEY!
[Master Chief stops jumping.
- Arbiter: Stop that and grow up already. What's that?
- Chief: im a pirate stupid / this is mai television
- Arbiter: "Telescope."
- Chief: TELISCOPE i sed it 1st
- Arbiter: No you didn't.
[Master Chief starts jumping again]
- Arbiter: HEY! What did I say?!
- Chief: BUT IM A PIRATE / THIS IS MAI BOATS
- Arbiter: That is NOT your boat. That's Jon's new furniture.
[Chief then stops jumping again]
- Arbiter: You stomp on that shelf one more time and I'll stomp on your throat. You'll loosen a hinge and then it won't stay in anymore. Then it'll be your ass.
- Chief: wat is ur beefs / who puts all that spam in ur jams
- Arbiter: First of all, I went to catch the bus this morning and didn't have my bus pass on me. So I ran and managed to make it for the last ten minutes of class to hand in my assignment.
- Chief: SO WAT IS PROBLEM.
- Arbiter: I didn't have my assignment on me either.
- Chief: LOL
- Arbiter: No. Not "LOL." That assignment was worth almost half my grade. I could've slapped my instructor and dissed his wife and probably still have passed the course if I had just remembered to bring my essay and hand it in.
- Chief: wat dids u do w/ it
- Arbiter: I haven't the foggiest.
- Chief: DID U CHEK UR LUNCH BOX / OR UR CUBBY HOLE
- Arbiter: You're funny.
- Chief: IM A PIRAET / TEH PIRATES LIFE IS TEH LIAFS FOAR ME / LOLOLOL ADN A BOTIL OF WIN / TEH PIRATES LIFE- HAY / do u wants 2 b a pirate w/ me
- Arbiter: No.
- Chief: OK u can be captin buttbeard
- Arbiter: "Butt beard?" And what are my duties?
- Chief: U CAN BE LOOKOUT / THAT MEENS U GETS 2 UES TEH TELEVISHIN
[Chief throws the telescope to Arbiter]
- Arbiter: Awesome.
- Chief: TEH PIRATES LIFE IS TEH LIFES FOAR ME
[Master Chief starts jumping again]
- Chief: LAWLAWLAWL ADN A BOTEL IF WIN / THE PIRATES LIFE IS THE LIFES 4 ME
[Arbiter takes the elastic band of the telescope and unravels the paper]
- Chief: LOLOLOL AND A BOTTLE OF WIN / TEH PIRATES LIFES IS THE LIFES 4 ME-
- Arbiter: YOU CRETIN! This is my bus pass! I was late for class because of YOU!
- Chief: wat is big deal. u didnt has ur homeworks anyway.
- Arbiter: ...I suppose. ...Shouldn't your boat have a sail?
- Chief: IT DO but it DO NOT STAY UP :(
[Chief lifts up the paper, and sees the fact that the sail he was using was actually Arbiter's assignment]
- Chief: oops
[Arbiter looks at Chief suddenly when he heard "oops" and grows suspicious]
- Arbiter: What is that?
- Chief: nothign
[Chief throws Arbiter's assignment back on the shelf]
- Arbiter: Is that my essay?
- Chief: no
[Arbiter starts walking angrily towards Chief, now knowing he's guilty of nearly getting him flunked out of his class]
- Arbiter: I'm gonna kill you.
- Chief: NOOO
- Arbiter: I'm gonna turn your face inside out and stick it up your ass.
[Master Chief starts running away.
- Chief: WOLOLOLOLOL
[Chief then opens the shelf drawer and Arbiter smashes his head into it]
[End credits]