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This is the transcript for the Season 4 episodePirates.

← "It's a Beta" "Pirates" "Aces and Spaces" →


Scene 1: Jon's ApartmentEdit

Master Chief using a roll of paper in an elastic band as a telescope to pretend to be a pirate, looking out around the room.

  • Chief: THE PIRATES LIFES IS TEH LIEFS 4 ME / LOLOLOL AND A BOTTEL OF WIN / TEH PIRAETS LIFES IS THE LIFE FOR ME / LOLOLOL ADN A BOTEL OF WIN

Chief then spots Arbiter.

  • Chief: FOR THE LOVE OF PETE / ITS THE KRAKEN / FIAR THE CANONS / SEND IT 2 DAVEY JONES' FOOT LOCKER

Chief throws a sock (which Chief referred to as the cannons) in front of Arbiter's feet. Arbiter then dismisses Chief and keeps walking on, eventually climbing into Jon's bed.

  • Chief: whats ur problims / WAS ALL THE SWING ON THE PLAYGROUNDS TAKEN?
  • Arbiter: I'm not going to preschool, you tool. I'm a university student. Or at least I WAS.

Chief starts jumping up and down in Jon's new shelf.

  • Chief: THE PIRATES LIFE IS TEH LIFE 4 MEH / LOLOLOL AND A BOTIL OF WIN
  • Arbiter: Hey! HEY!

Master Chief stops jumping.

  • Arbiter: Stop that and grow up already. What's that?
  • Chief: im a pirate stupid / this is mai television
  • Arbiter: "Telescope."
  • Chief: TELISCOPE i sed it 1st
  • Arbiter: No you didn't.

Master Chief starts jumping again.

  • Arbiter: HEY! What did I say?!
  • Chief: BUT IM A PIRATE / THIS IS MAI BOATS
  • Arbiter: That is NOT your boat. That's Jon's new furniture.

Chief then stops jumping again.

  • Arbiter: You stomp on that shelf one more time and I'll stomp on your throat. You'll loosen a hinge and then it won't stay in anymore. Then it'll be your ass.
  • Chief: wat is ur beefs / who puts all that spam in ur jams
  • Arbiter: First of all, I went to catch the bus this morning and didn't have my bus pass on me. So I ran and managed to make it for the last ten minutes of class to hand in my assignment.
  • Chief: SO WAT IS PROBLEM.
  • Arbiter: I didn't have my assignment on me either.
  • Chief: LOL
  • Arbiter: No. Not "LOL." That assignment was worth almost half my grade. I could've slapped my instructor and dissed his wife and probably still have passed the course if I had just remembered to bring my essay and hand it in.
  • Chief: wat dids u do w/ it
  • Arbiter: I haven't the foggiest.
  • Chief: DID U CHEK UR LUNCH BOX / OR UR CUBBY HOLE
  • Arbiter: You're funny.
  • Chief: IM A PIRAET / TEH PIRATES LIFE IS TEH LIAFS FOAR ME / LOLOLOL ADN A BOTIL OF WIN / TEH PIRATES LIFE- HAY / do u wants 2 b a pirate w/ me
  • Arbiter: No.
  • Chief: OK u can be captin buttbeard
  • Arbiter: "Butt beard?" And what are my duties?
  • Chief: U CAN BE LOOKOUT / THAT MEENS U GETS 2 UES TEH TELEVISHIN

Chief throws the telescope to Arbiter.

  • Arbiter: Awesome.
  • Chief: TEH PIRATES LIFE IS TEH LIFES FOAR ME

Master Chief starts jumping again.

  • Chief: LAWLAWLAWL ADN A BOTEL IF WIN / THE PIRATES LIFE IS THE LIFES 4 ME

Arbiter takes the elastic band of the telescope and unravels the paper.

  • Chief: LOLOLOL AND A BOTTLE OF WIN / TEH PIRATES LIFES IS THE LIFES 4 ME-
  • Arbiter: YOU CRETIN! This is my bus pass! I was late for class because of YOU!
  • Chief: wat is big deal. u didnt has ur homeworks anyway.
  • Arbiter: ...I suppose. ...Shouldn't your boat have a sail?
  • Chief: IT DO but it DO NOT STAY UP :(

Chief lifts up the paper, and sees the fact that the sail he was using was actually Arbiter's assignment.

  • Chief: oops

Arbiter looks at Chief suddenly when he heard "oops" and grows suspicious.

  • Arbiter: What is that?
  • Chief: nothign

Chief throws Arbiter's assignment back on the shelf.

  • Arbiter: Is that my essay?
  • Chief: no

Arbiter starts walking angrily towards Chief, now knowing he's guilty of nearly getting him flunked out of his class.

  • Arbiter: I'm gonna kill you.
  • Chief: NOOO
  • Arbiter: I'm gonna turn your face inside out and stick it up your ass.

Master Chief starts running away.

Chief then opens the shelf drawer and Arbiter smashes his head into it.

Credits roll. The end.

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