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Scene 1: PromoEdit

(Master Chief enters left, wearing an Lumberjack shirt and Jeans)

  • Chief: LISSEN UP ASSHOLES / mai naem is mastur ch33f and im extremely aroused to announsed mai BRAN NEW l33t ass muther fucking buiness vulture

(Cut to Chief standing on the Halo Reach Limited Edition Box)

  • Chief: NOTHING OTHAR THAN TEH MASTUR CH33F AND ARBITUR SHOW PREMIEM CLUB / U HERD CORRECTLY, TEH PREMIEM CLUB FOAR THE SINGEL GRAETIST SHOWS EVER MAED IS FINALY H33R!!ELEVEN / foar the oen tiem only per day member ships fee of a m33r thirteen dolers and thirty sevin sents. ppls w/ enuff brains 2 joined will has acksess 2 the folowing bitchin f33tchers!!!1

A list is shown, titled: MASTUR ChEEF AND THE ARBIUR SHOW PREMIEM CLUB FEETChIRS.

  • Chief: POWERFULL NEW FEETCHIRS / EVIN MOAR POWERFULL NEW FEETCHIRS / EXTRA SWERING / NEWIR POWERFULL FEETCHIRS / ERLY ACKSESS 2 NEW EPISOEDES / NEWIR FEETCHIRS THAT IS EVEN MOAR POWER FULL / AND MOAR

Chief is then seen facing forward to the audience.

  • Chief: but the funs dusnt endid they're gaiz. oh no no no. / know fucking way bros / membirs will also has acksess to a possim graede ossim mysterie bonis feetchir / OMFG I WONDERED WAT IT COULD BE / WHAT THE FUCK IS IT / HOLY SHIT / i knew that u gaiz r dying 2 found out butt u gots 2 gimmie ur munnies 1st tho k? / k / i will also s00n b lunching mai onlien stoars, and premiem membirs will gots a vry speshil .90 persent discounts on SWEET ASS MASTUR CH33F AND ARBITUR SHOW MERCHINDIZE / THATS RITE .90 PER SENT / WTF, RITE?

Chief bounces with enthusiasm.

  • Chief: i axe u innernets, wats 69 bux compared 2 the impreshins ull left on all the chix bai wering mai sick muther fucking shirts ur favrite bad ass? / a beloved originil charactir born rite h33r on the show?

The Arbiter leans in the background toward Chief.

  • Chief: beleived me U HAS ZERO FUCKING IDEAS JUST HOW MUCH PUSSY MAY SHIRTS WILL PULLED FOAR U / ULL B FINGER BANGING SO MANY GOD DAM CHIX THAT ULL BEARLY EVIN HAS THE TIEM 2 PLAY HALOS

Chief then sits down on the Halo Reach Limited Edition Box.

  • Chief: just remembird that bitches is knot nothing but whores and trix and that u gots 2 maed tiems foar the most importint things in lief. / HALOS / AND DONT U EVIR FORGOT IT / problem, innernets? / WELL GESS WAT, IM RUNNING A GOD DAM BUSINESS H33R AND THIS IS DAM GUD BUSINESS SO FUCK YOU / U WANTID ME 2 DOES BAD BUSINESS AND FAIELED? / THATAS RETARTED / SUCK MY COCK

Chief kneels and does a flip sideways.

  • Chief: I WANT HALO FOAR AND NUTHING WILL STOOD IN MAI WAYS SO GIMMIE UR GODDAMN MUNNIES RITE NAO

(Cut to Chief standing on the Halo Reach Limited Edition Box)

  • Chief: THE MASTER CH33F AND ARBITUR SHOW PREMIUM CLUB / JOIN OR UR A FAGET

Credits roll.

Act 2: Jon's ComputerEdit

(After the credits finish rolling, we cut to Arbiter and Master Chief in front of Jon's Computer)

  • Arbiter: I'm not quite confident that this is in-your-face advertisement approach will produce the results you're expecting.

Chief: THATS HORSESHIT / PREMIEM CLUB IS BEST CLUB / u told me wats not 2 lieked.

(Arbiter turns to face Chief)

  • Arbiter: Well, it might be worth mentioning that you're not actually giving members anything in exchange for their fee.
  • Chief: r u fucking kidding me? / they're was seven fucking feetchirs in that list / SEVIN / THATS PRACTICKLY TEN / THATS A BIG FUCKING NUMBIR. / PLUS THEY'RES THE DISCOUNTS, ASS RAMMER / AND THE MYSTERY BONIS FEETCHIR
  • Arbiter: Which is?

Chief sways his hips sensually.

  • Chief: A SEXY DANCE, WTF ELSE / MMMMMMMMMMMM / o yea bay bay / so supir sexy / sexy chief / i still gots the magic, i still gots it / wat the hell r u waiting foar arbitur, grab the fucking camera
  • Arbiter: No.

(End)