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TranscriptEdit

Arbiter is seen sitting in the window sill with several empty liquor bottles clearly in a depression. Chief arrives wearing his suit.

  • Chief: u'ed bettar lay off on those booze bitch / if u finesh them agen imma smash evry all of those bottels ovar ur fucking head and stuff all teh shards up ur cock
  • Arbiter: I had quite a nice day yesterday...I was content.
  • Chief: srsly, dammit im slipping / i haz to step up mai gaems / step up to the streets / lol
  • Arbiter: Today absolutely nothing has changed...but somehow I just feel like such a piece of shit.
  • Chief: Its k arbitur / thats cuz u is a piece of shit / so wut teh hell r u so ass pained about this tiems u m00dy cunt?
  • Arbiter: Nothing in particular other than the general knowledge that our bodies are slowly falling apart and we're all going to die someday. Perhaps painfully.
  • Chief: sum a lot sooner than othars if u dont shut teh hell up about it / and u can counted on it beign painfull / liefs a bitch bro / so quit being such a gaping vagina and get teh fuck ovar it
  • Arbiter: All it takes is for one small negative thought to worm it's way into my mind, then my entire day is fucked. It's like whenever I'm happy I'm obliviously walking a tightrope above a chasm.
  • Chief: ur mom and i fucked all day when i wormed mai way into her chasm and i wuz pretty fucking happy then LOLLOLLOLLLLOLOLO
  • Arbiter: If I'm not allowed to know why I'm here I'd at least like to know why the fuck my psyche is so fragile.
  • Chief: cuz ur a pu$$y / ther
  • Arbiter: Or there's always the strong possibility that I'm dead and have been sent to hell already, that would sure explain an awful lot.
  • Chief: ur wrong bro / this is hevan / wer else could we sit around on our a$$ess all day evry day and pleh the gratest video gaem evar crafted by human kinds huh?

Chief starts hugging Reach.

  • Chief: <33333 / u and meh baybay / this gaem is acshuly pretty well maed if u srsly think about it / liek acshuly
  • Arbiter: Like actually?
  • Chief: yah
  • Arbiter: Did you know that there's like actually a new Halo 4 trailer out today?

Chief knocks over Reach and then starts stomping on it.

  • Chief: fuck this retarted piece of shit gaem / it's worse than fucking cansir / wut wer bunjee thinking? they wer obliviously smoeking lots of drugs when they while they wer maeking it / halo 4 is teh shit / mai shit rite ther / does u know its being maed by 3 hundrid and forty 3 inustries? mebbeh one of them will get it rite this tiems

Chief starts watching the trailer on the computer as he pushes money at screen.

  • Chief: TAKE IT ALL / just take mai monnies
  • Arbiter: Jon's money.
  • Chief: thats wut i sed arbitur taek teh dicks out of ur ears
  • Arbiter: I will when you take that ridiculous fucking suit off, how about that?
  • Chief: nevar / just take mai fucking monies u sons of bitches take it all / wut u dont liek monies? r u fucking retarted or sumthing? dammit y dont they put teh fucking gaem out alredy? looks gud enuff 2 meh
  • Arbiter: Looks good enough to you does it? I'll call Microsoft right away, don't you worry, we'll get this straightened out.
  • Chief: It's 2 thousinds and twelve i dont think it's to much to axe not to haz to wait foar stuff any moar
  • Arbiter: Ridiculous isn't it? When will the world get it's shit together and stop to cater to your every whim?
  • Chief: I dont noes but its sure taeking its sw33t ass mother fucking tiems

Arbiter gets up and heads for the kitchen.

  • Arbiter: I need more beer.
  • Chief: get a$$ fucked u've had enuff teh rest of teh beers is mien!
  • Arbiter: Oh really? There must have been an accident at the factory cause I didn't see your name on them anywhere.
  • Chief: Fuck u im pissed and i needed it / Im halo 4 is a reel mans gaem and having to wait foar it is a reel mans problems that needs a reel mans drinks / beers foar problems not this b00 h00 wer all gon died horseshit

They stop on the counter and are briefly mesmerized by the smiling gorilla on a cereal box.

  • Arbiter: You know something...I can't quite explain it... but now I'm absolutely positive that every thing is gonna be okay.
  • Chief:"i think ur rite arbitur / aaah these clothes feel so.. constricting / i gots to be free / i gots to

Chief gets his clothes off and dances.

  • Chief: Fuck u clothes / yah baby / :D[happy face]

Credits roll. The end.