Steaks, Taters and Hairy Ticks
Season 1, Episode 5 (5)
Hairy ticks
Air date May 12, 2012
Written by Jon Graham
Directed by Jon Graham
Episode guide
Doggy Style

Steaks, Taters and Hairy Ticks is the fifth episode of the first season of Arby 'n' the Chief: Bytes.


More of Master Chief's wacky antics ensue when his religious worship solely of Halo conflicts with the fact that Arbiter is playing The Lion King on Sega Genesis.


Arbiter is playing The Lion King for Sega Genesis. Master Chief shows up and once again calls Arbiter out for playing something other than Halo and argues with him about it, calling him a  homo hipster and saying that it was cartoons and that cartoons are "for babies", also praising Bungie and Microsoft like gods in the process, saying that before Halo, all game developers were like "HERP DERP HAO DO I COMPUTER". Chief also adds that the graphics had to be "tight". Arbiter says in his defense that all creative work was derivative and if it weren't for older games, Halo would never have existed, adding that the game (Lion King) is fun due to it's solid platforming, saying it could get quite difficult. Chief then asks if Arbiter hated Halo now, and Arbiter sarcastically tells Chief that since he must not play Halo 24-hours a day like him, he must hate Halo, and proceeds to sarcastically talk about how he longed for a game that could make him spend every minute of his life playing and ignore everything else in life. This prompts Master Chief to hit Arbiter with a frying pan and tie him to a desk lamp, putting various flammable objects like paper and empty toilet paper rolls around it. Arbiter protests and demands Chief to untie him. However, all Chief does is claim that Arbiter had sinned and was a "hairy tick" (heretic) and "brass femur" (blasphemy), was a "tater" (traitor) to Bungie, had turn his back on those who "cremated" (created) him, and had to be burned at the stake (which is really a steak from the grocery store). Arbiter then criticizes Chief's lack of linguistic skill, only for his voice to be drowned out by Chief's. He then ignites a lighter, preparing to burn Arbiter alive. Fortunately, Greg shows up and stops him, tying Chief to the ceiling afterwards with his webs, with Arbiter remarking that Chief spends too much time on the Internet, with Chief angrily saying that they were all dead and that he was going to slit their throats, repeatedly asking them how it felt like to be dead. Arbiter then says he has one more request - he would like a "creation" and not a burial. Chief then screams in rage.


Gallery Edit

Episode How-TosEdit

  • HOW TO be part of the great circle of life
  • HOW TO bust Chief's giant balls
  • HOW TO act like a baby
  • HOW TO be burned at the steak
  • HOW TO spend too much time on the web


  • Although the episode is entitled "Steaks, Taters and Hairy Ticks" on YouTube and on Jon's blog, the video itself is entitled "Taters, Steaks and Hairy Ticks"; "Steaks" and "Taters" are switched around.
  • This is the only Byte where Greg makes an appearance.

Watch the EpisodeEdit

"Steaks, Taters and Hairy Ticks"

"Steaks, Taters and Hairy Ticks"

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