|The Great Evil|
|Season 2, Episode 1 (14)|
|Air date||August 18, 2012|
|Written by||Jon Graham|
|Directed by||Jon Graham|
Master Chief is convinced that he is the son of the "gods of gaming", placed on Earth to spread their holy word and cleanse the industry of the "cancer" posed by casual gamers, starting with the Arbiter.
A number of post-it notes are seen taped to the wall in the hall of Jon's apartment. Many of which read "GOD HATES CASUALS", "CASUALS = SINNERS", "POWER ARMOR IS FOR WINNERS", and "GAME IN HELL CASUALS", among others. Pictures of the Microsoft, Halo, and 343 Industries logos can also be seen, in which Master Chief is praising. Chief falls to his knees on a homemade shrine, claiming that he is their vessel, before falling backward and acting out of control, pretending to be possessed by the "gaming lords".
As Chief continues this shenanigans, Arbiter arrives, wondering what Chief is doing. Chief immediately breaks his focus on his current activity to get up and insult Arbiter's mother. Chief tells Arbiter that he should be worried more about what he is doing, rather than what Chief is doing, but Arbiter states that he is not in the mood for this and walks away.
Master Chief continues to rant about his proposed future in "gamer heaven" as the Arbiter grabs a copy of Bomberman 64 as Chief tells Arbiter that he will rot in "gamer hell". Arbiter then asks Chief how he's allowed to play Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time if he's meant to be punished. Chief, however, immediately declares the game as "the worst game ever". He says that Arbiter wouldn't enjoy playing the game because he'd be burning alive in gamer's hell simultaneously. Arbiter tells Chief he'd already be dead if he was in gamer's hell, but then stops himself to ask what Chief means by "burned alive". Chief ignores the question and tells Arbiter that, because he is going to play Nintendo 64, he is a sinner and hates the gaming gods.
Chief guesses that Arbiter wants to play Zelda, but Arbiter tells him that it's Bomberman 64. Chief, even more repulsed at this, claims that game too as the worst one ever, but Arbiter states that it is logically impossible and asks Chief when he will realize that not every game that isn't Halo is bad.
Chief says he only speaks the words of the gods, and nobody should worship false prophets, citing Gabe Newell, president of game developer Valve, as a "false profit" for not giving his fans more games, while Microsoft gives their fans Halo 4, 5, and "sicks". Arbiter defends Valve, arguing that they will put out their next video game installment when they are ready, only to have Chief insult Arbiter's mother again.
Chief, tired of hearing Arbiter and his undesire for a "gamer heaven", hastily grabs Arbiter by the ankles and pulls him to a bowl of water, attempting to baptize him in it. Chief claims that he is "washing the demons away" with his "holy water". Arbiter, being unable to breathe by the fact that he is drowning, begs Chief to stop and starts screaming for help.
- HOW TO be a bigoted pain in the ass
- HOW TO have a chocolate whiskey marshmallow cloud with Halo 4 and hot ass bitches reserved for you in gamer heaven
- HOW TO be cast to the eternal fires of gamer hell
- HOW TO have fun in a semen-caked bathroom stall
- HOW TO cast out the casual demons from your soul
- Main article: The Great Evil/Transcript
Watch the EpisodeEdit
|Bytes (Season 2)|