The Reunion/Transcript

← "Severance"	"The Reunion"	"Reapers" →

This is the transcript of the Season 6 finale, The Reunion.

Scene 1: Trent's Church[]

The scene picks up where Severance left off. Arbiter has Trent Donnovich cornered against the entrance to his old church. Master Chief has Justin pinned against a wall with his gun pointed at him. The PDoS timer is now on the numbers "00:14:45" and counts down to "00:14:40" as Arbiter and Trent start talking and then it disappears.

Arbiter:: What happens in fifteen minutes?
Trent:: I finally finished scrubbing my future clean, the one you took an enormous shit on.
Arbiter: You're the one who's full of it. By the way, could you please be a little more vague?
Trent: Your days will become much, much more dull than I'm sure they already are
Arbiter: Still not quite obscure enough.
Trent: The network is effed my friend.
Arbiter: Through pursuing them as a part of TOSERS, Chief and I have aquired the same software Chaos Theosis has been using to ban players. We've already banned three of the clan's four members, including MILFHunter. Even if the last guy is still causing trouble without his teammates or his dipshit leader around for support, he won't be around for much longer, I'll see to that--
Trent: What I'm talking about has nothing to do with those clowns.
Arbiter: I don't understand.
Trent: My buisness partner/budding software engineer, SniperDeathangel00 over there recently made an incredible breakthrough. I'm currently in possession of, and have just activated his latest development: a "Pedo" attack that will destroy the network in one foul swoop.
Arbiter: 'Pedo attack?' What the fuck?
Trent: He's the guy who developed the software you and the clan have been running around with. As well as the older versions for the files, which is what you two assholes fucked my wedding with. Word spread fairly quickly about that and it didn't take long for my reputation to go down the tubes. Thanks for that. My game development company crumbled after the pathetic sales of its first title.
Arbiter: Wow, who saw that coming? Guns of Honor sounded so promising.
Trent: The family name became a joke. My sisters and I haven't spoken since.
Justin: Um just to clarify. It's "PDoS," as in Permanent Denial of Service. I-I'm not a Pedophile
Chief: UM EXCUESE ME BUTT I THINKED U M33N 'PEDESTRIEN', DUMASS, LOL, i think sumbody n33ds 2 lerned sum moar beter gramers doesnt u arbitur?
Arbiter:I think somebody needs to stop talking before he makes a bigger fool out of himself than he just has.
Chief: rofl, yeh rly
Trent: Then one day, I get a call from an old collegue, who currently holds an executive position with a company offering a network service rivaling the OMN. We chat for a bit, and he eventually offers me a position alongside him in exchange for crippling this network anyway I know how in order for his company to take its place. Then I recall you two fudgepackers, and how you tipped the scales against me, and I starting doing a little research throughout underground modding community forum archives which eventually leads me to the distributors who gave you those hacks. who then lead me to SniperDeathangel.

As Trent is talking the clock flashes and says "00:12:49" and counts down to "00:12:44" before disappearing again. Master Chief runs down the isle and joins Arbiter shortly after the timer disappears.

Chief: ur mom ofered me a posishin in her ass / hot and cramped posishin but it sure as shit pays well if u noes wat i meant / >:D i gaeved her a perl neckliss 2 sae thanku u / lololololol
Trent: Some say a man is measured by the quality of his friends. Doesn't speak too much on your behalf does it, Arbiter?
Arbiter: So then you obtain the files from Sniper for yourself, then you hire Chaos Theosis and provide them with the software in order for them to do your dirty work?
Trent:: An updated version of the software, yes. With the ability to dish out permanent console bans this time around. Not temporary ones that can be lifted with administrator privilages.
Arbiter: How did the clan manage to join the TOSERS secure server with their modifications?
Trent: We had a guy on the inside. "Silent Something" I think.
Arbiter:: Son of a bitch...
Chief:: i told u that gai wuz a butthole
Arbiter: But if you're now in control of this Permanent Denial of Service attack then why the need for the weapon hacks and Chaos Theosis in the first place?
Trent: Like I said, SniperDeathangel only recently made the breakthrough that lead to its completion. That, and acquired some key information, target file paths and such. After I hire Chaos Theosis, I eventually hear from MILFHunter that his clan members are starting to bail one after another. Despite their initial gusto and supposed skill. I've become unsure of their ability to get the job done so one Sniper mentions his Pedo attack that he's working on, I provide him with every resource I possibly can in order for him to finish it up.
Justin: It's "P-D-O-S," jesus!
Arbiter: Well I feel obligated to send a letter of thanks to Bro Incorporated for that cool story, but I can't let this end in your favor.

Chief: yeah fucker / u suck / lol

As Arbiter begins reapproaching Trent, he is hit by a stray bullet being shot at by Justin.

Arbiter Fuck off!
Chief:: omg :0

Arbiter takes cover and begins shooting his magnum at Justin but misses several times. Justin slowly moves to the right and fires again with his sniper and misses. Chief kneels too and tries to hit Justin with his Spartan Laser but misses as well. As Arbiter and Chief are distracted by Justin, Trent turns and heads for the Church's entrance. Arbiter turns and sees that Trent is getting away.

Arbiter:: Trent!

Arbiter tries firing at Trent with his DMR but Trent gets inside before Arbiter can get him.

Arbiter: Mother fucker!
Chief: eat lazer / LOL

Master Chief fires another laser at Justin, who is hiding behind a rock. The laser does not him.

Arbiter: Alright, I'm gonna head after Trent. Can you handle this twat by yourself?
Chief: no u, i wana go gets trent k arbitur? k.
Arbiter: Chief!

As he is talking, Chief gets up and goes after Trent. Justin fires at his several times but constantly misses. Arbiter then gets up and heads after Justin instead. Justin fires his sniper at Arbiter several times, but all of them miss.

Arbiter: Who taught you to shoot, the Galactic Empire?
Justin: Shut up!

Arbiter reaches the other side of the runway and heads directly for Justin, all while Justin continuously misses hitting him.

Justin: Aw crap!
Arbiter: Leave it to the worst sniper ever to call himself Sniper Death Angel.

As Justin is talking and Arbiter is getting closer, Justin gets up and starts running away. Arbiter finally corners Justin against a few trees.

Arbiter:: Take another step and I'll blow your fucking head off! Use your private info I get to make your life a living hell, see how you like it! Understand me? Tell me how to stop the attack.

Justin does not respond.

Arbiter: Don't push me man, tell me how to stop the attack right now. Don't even think about it--!

Justin shoots directly at Arbiter, but it only damages Arbiter's overshield.

Arbiter: You asswipe!

Arbiter sprays Justin with bullets from his DMR and kills Justin, fragbanning him.

Arbiter: Online gaming has no buisness being this theatrical. This is ridiculous.

Arbiter runs back up the hill and heads back down the runway, resuming chasing after Trent.

Opening credits roll.

Trent is being chased up to the roof area by Chief. Chief enters the alter area of the Church.

Chief: nobodies will t00ked away mai haloz / does u herd me? / cum back h33r u fucking batwing / WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!1one

Chief fires a laser at Trent, but misses. Now with both of them at the top of the Church's roof, Trent is seen heading for one of the Falcons while Chief prepares another laser.

Chief: SH00P DA W00P

Chief then fires another laser, this time hitting the Falcon on the right, destroying it.

Chief: H00RAY

It is then revealed the Chief hit the wrong Falcon, as Trent takes off on the Falcon to the left. Arbiter arrives on the roof only to find that Trent is escaping.

Chief: FUCK
Trent: Great job, dumbass.
Arbiter: No! Trent! Stop!
Trent: Yeah okay, Arbiter. I'll do that...

Arbiter stops realizing he's too late and so turns to Chief.

Arbiter: What the hell are you waiting for?! Shoot him down!

Chief prepares and fires another laser at Trent, however he misses yet again as Trent disappears behind on mountainside.

Arbiter: That's great.

Arbiter starts walkign away back down to the Church's level. The PDoS clock briefly appears and now the clock reads "00:10:42" and counts down to "00:10:37" before disappearing.

Arbiter: Nice work, Chief.
Chief: FUCK A DUCK / fuck all of them / lololololololol
Arbiter: There's still time left. We'll wait and see what server he jumps to and we'll follow him in.
Chief: then wat
Arbiter: Then I put my foot up his ass.
Chief: lol / will we saeved halos if we fraged him?
Arbiter: I hope so.

Scene 2: Breakpoint[]

Arbiter and Chief are now on the map Breakpoint, persuing Trent. Trent is now seen approaching another Falcon, which is also being approached by a blue spartan. Trent quickly snipes and kills him.

Trent: If you think you're jacking my ride, you can jack me off instead, bitch!

Arbiter and Chief are now seen running across a gap just as Trent is about to board the Falcon, who stops and faces them.

Arbiter: Trent, you can't follow through with this! You have to stop!
Trent: Screw you!

Just as Arbiter and Chief are about to cross the bridge to get to Trent, they are stopped by an elite who is blocking their path. The elite is Clyde.

Chief: um lol wat the acshual fuck
Arbiter: We fragged your ass.
Clyde: I own multiple accounts, and I've spent the past 3 goddamn hours digging around my basement for my spare console. it works but the optical drive is fucked. I call it my "Gears of War special edition" console because whenever it runs the disc, it makes a sound like a fucking chainsaw. You have no idea how much it pisses me off.
Arbiter: Your basement, or your mother's?
Chief: AKA ur house / LOL / and ima let u off w/ a warning this tiems arbitur but they're is will only b 1 pplz to says teh mom joaks around h33r buster and that r me / k?
Arbiter: Okay, Chief.
Chief: k.
Clyde: Make no mistake, fragging me was a one time occurance.
Chief: no lol
Arbiter: Oh, that razor wit. We've put down nearly all your clan members. Somehow I doubt you're gonna be much more of a challenge than they were. Especially considering what happened three hours ago.
Clyde: They're all out of the picture now, actually. Had to snuff BACK2THEKITCHEN88, the fucking rat. But I promise you I won't go down nearly as easily. In fact, I won't at all.
Trent: You hold these little bitches off for the few more mintues, and I'll slap an extra 20% on your fee. Sound good?
Clyde: Sounds dandy.

Trent boards the Falcon.

Arbiter: "Little bitches" says the guy booking it like a pussy.
Chief: its k arbitur / i gots him / wowowowowowowowow!!1one!1

Master Chief fires his Spartan Laser at Trent's Falcon, but the laser goes through the docking section right through the Falcon and does not destroy it. Trent then takes off.

Chief: oh fuck off
Arbiter: Awesome
Chief: jesus christ r u kiding me / that is such fucking horseshit
Arbiter: You never fail to amaze me, Chief.
Chief: that wat ur mom sed

As Trent flies away, he scratches against a mountain side before recovering and continue flying away. The PDoS clock briefly appears and now the clock reads "00:12:39" and counts down to "00:12:34" before disappearing. Just as it disappears, Arbiter and Chief begin to open fire on Clyde, who croutches tries shooting at them with a sniper rifle. Arbiter and Chief run to hide in a tunnel.

Arbiter: In the warthog.
Chief: i gets 2 drieve / im gona drive liek drive in drive
Arbiter: I told you, Ryan Gosling's character isn't called 'Drive,' mouthbreather. That's like calling Samus 'Metroid' or yourself 'Halo.'
Chief: thats rite and im a prety c00l gai
Arbiter: That aside, jump in the back and fuck yourself, because I'm driving.
Chief: :( NO
Arbiter: Fuck! I keep forgetting that you can't shoot worth a crap either.
Chief: hay stfu i can 2 and u knowed it!!one
Arbiter: Alright, get on the turret, it's our best shot. You certainly aren't any damn good at the wheel. Might as well operate your control stick with my ass while I shoot.
Chief: ur mom operates my control stick w/ her ass whiele i sh00t / ROFLMAO
Arbiter: Alright, the last thing I want to do is encourage you, but I have to tip my hat to you for that one, sir.
Chief: shut up

Arbiter and Chief board the Warthog (with Arbtier driving and Chief operating the turret) and they drive out of the tunnel. Clyde is waiting for them and snipes the Warthog just as they pass by him.

Arbiter: Out!
Chief: :( [sad face]

Arbiter tries to peer out from the side of the Warthog, but is hit and weakened by a Sniper shot from Clyde.

Clyde: You fuckers are done.
Chief: no u

Chief tries to hit Clyde with his Assult Rifle but misses. Arbiter is hit again with another Sniper shot and hides again. Clyde then begins firing at the Warthog repeatedly, slowly destroying it.

Arbiter: Fucking shitty titties!
Master Chief: hahahahhahaah
Arbiter: We've come so close! And thanks to this shitstain, everything we've done could be for nothing.
Chief: hay / l00ked @ me
Arbiter: Oh awesome, another moment of apparent sincerity from Chief, this went so well the last time.
Chief: it r not ovar until it r ovar / k? do not let them t00k away mai halos arbitur, do not does it / k? % k arbitur? / k? / i beleived in u
Arbiter: You 'believed in me, how comforting.
Chief: thats rite buddy / and does u no wat? / i w00d nevar will stopping to beleived in u / and thats not evin mai onion thats just a fax.
Arbiter: Even if it's not your 'onion,' what you just said still makes me want to cry.
Chief: ur mom maekes my penis crai
Arbiter: Shut up.
Chief: k
Arbiter: Focus...

With the Warthog on fire from Clyde's gunfire, Arbiter quickly runs out. The scene then quickly cuts to black.

Scene 3: Spire[]

The scene reopens on the map Spire. The PDoS clock briefly appears and now the clock reads "00:02:29" and counts down to "00:02:24" before disappearing. Trent Donnovich appears and grabs a red powerup item before crouching and hiding in between a crevise. Trent sees Clyde approaching him and comes out from hiding besides the crevise and into the open.

Trent: Did you take 'em out?

Clyde nods.

Trent: Nice work. Man, my days were really shit for a while there. Now it's finally up hill from here on out. Shit's gonna be so tight son! It's merely a waiting game now. Those fucking toys, man... Oh I haven't told you have I? Those two aren't some kids with laptops held up to their mics, they're toys, like little action figures. I realize how ridiculous that sounds but I swear to god I'm not even kidding. That computer speech is how they talk. Don't ask me how or why, but they had my ex absolutely convinced to the core. That one with the lower pitch is so outrageously retarded that he needs to be locked away for life, or fired into the sun, or some shit, he's gotta go. But I have to say that the other one has a semi-decent head on his shoulders. So deluted thought, so, so deluted. He believes his life is actually worth something, that he has a purpose. He refuses to accept that he's simply som non-organic freak of nature with no worth to speak of. *chuckles* He actually believed he could hook up with my ex, that should give you an idea of just how delusional he is. Isn't that fantastic?

Suddenly, Arbiter's voice is heard. Arbiter has successfully stolen and is using Clyde's character model as a disguise.

Arbiter: I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're figured out that it's me.

Trent: No shit, I could see you're tag as soon as I put my cursor over you. How could you think that this would work?

Arbiter: As if you have no history of stupidity that made me consider attempting this a viable option.

Trent: Regardless, I'm pleased to inform you that you're not going to be popping my overshield or getting behind me for a quick takedown in the secounds that you have left before the attack takes effect. Sorry.

Arbiter: You're despicable.

Trent: Despicable wins, and that's A-okay with me. By the way I may have been exaggerating earlier just a little bit. I know you're not entirely delusional. I know you're aware of the abyss you're dangling over and that you're just clinging to whatever you possibly can as anybody else would.

The PDoS clock briefly appears and now the clock reads "00:00:07" and counts down to "00:00:02"

Trent: --And if you'll pardon the slight pun. I hope your hopelessness crushes you--

Suddenly, The PDoS clock abruptly disappears, cancelling the countdown and the attack. Trent Donnovich has been run over and fragbanned by Master Chief, driving a Scorpion Tank.

Chief: ALRITE WHERE THE HELL IS HE IMA BLOW HIS ASS UP

Chief has the main turret look around as he hunts for Trent, having no idea he just ran him over and stopped his plot.

Arbiter: Holy shit. Chief, you did it. You fragged him.
Chief: what the fuck r u talking about
Arbiter: You just ran him over.
Chief: :O / srsly?

Chief hops out of the tank to see Trent's body as well.

Chief: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHH omg / YES / i fucking rock / i r0x0r evrybodys b0x0rz

Arbiter approaches Trent's body.

Chief: so its ovar? / is it ovar nao arbitur?
Arbiter: Just about.

Scene 4: Powerhouse[]

On the map, Powerhouse. Stephen is seen playing with a few players. He is seen aiming his sniper at a blue spartan player.

Stephen: Aim the rockets waterway. Headed for the center reservoir.

Stephen shoots the player in the head and kills him.

Stephen: He's down.

Stephen reloads his sniper, then he turns and sees Master Chief staring at him.

Chief: o hai
Stephen: What the fuck?

Stephen gets up, then he turns and sees Arbiter staring at him.

Arbiter: Hey, buddy.
Stephen: Arbiter? *sighs* Jeez, I-I haven't seen you guys since TOSERS went down. I figured you'd have been banned by Chaos Theosis a while ago.
Master Chief: fuck that shit son / GAY ASS THEOSIS is a bunch of little pussy ass bitches
Stephen: Well it's cool to see that's you're around to enjoy the time that's left before the adminstration pulls the plug on the whole sha-bang. I hope there isn't too much down time between them and another service provider taking its place, that'd really bite ass. You want to party up or something?
Arbiter: Party's over.

As Stephen's back is turned, Arbiter approaches him from behind and shoots him in the head with his magnum, killing and fragbanning Stephen (who falls off a cliff he was standing on,) finally ending the hacker threat completely.

Scene 5: Highlands (TOSERS server)[]

On the map Highlands (formerly known as the TOSERS server,) Allen Radcliffe is seen addressing all users of the OMN whom are turned into the broadcast. Arbiter and Chief are standing behind him.

Allen Radcliffe: ...And so not only to our current subscribers across the world, but to our past and future customers, if you allows us to be your network service provider following this terrible event of course. We understand with complete clarity the gravity of the breach of our security, and the theft of sensative information, and the administrative team of Online Multiplayer Network would like to offer its sinceriest apologies to all for allow this to happen, as well as for taking as long as we did to contain the hacker threat. The gaps in the network's security have been successfully patched, flawed game code has been remeeded, and we have managed to lift all bans originating from the clan's software. In return for this catastrophic leak of information, and as a gesture of good will to all of our affected subscribers, we're offering coupons redeemable at all participating restaurants. Purchase one blueberry milkshake, and receive a second one at only half of the original price. Those who wish to accept our gift can access it through the dashboard, and do so in exchange for a low 6,000 points. And the coupons will be delivered straight to your doorstep, no questions asked.

Back at Jon's Apartment, Arbiter and Chief are watching as well.

Arbiter: Is this a joke? ..."No questions asked?" Pinch me.

Master Chief punches Arbiter.

Arbiter: Ow! What the fuck, Chief?
Chief: LMAO u said "punch me!1"
Arbiter: I said "pinch me!"
Chief: o. / kk

Chief starts pinching Arbiter.

Arbiter: Ow! Stop it, it's a saying! Will you fuck off?
Chief: LOL
Allen Radcliffe: In addition, thanks are also owed to the two players who stand alongside me. TOSERS moderators during the organization's operation, for providing critical assistance leading our termination of the hacker threat by providing us with their corrupted files.
Chief: HAY WE WAS THE 1S WHO TERMINALATED THEM SHITHEAD
Cameron: Well, listen to who it is...

Arbiter turns around and see Cameron and Cody approaching them, having returned from their bans being lifted.

Cameron: Be right back, I gotta grab a Sham-wow to soak the blood bursting from my ear canals.
Arbiter: Funny.

As Chief turns around to see Cameron and Cody, Kevin walks out and joins them as well, having returned from his ban being lifted.

Kevin: Way to take matters into your own hands! Seriously from what I've heard you guys really kick some ass!
Cody: I second that, you asswipes did pretty good.
Cameron: Yeah, nicely done.
Arbiter: Thanks. Means an awful lot coming from you two in particular.
Chief: and it sertinly werent any thx 2 u fucking losers / y dusnt u go gets baned sum moar / ROFL

As Chief is talking, Arbiter turns around and sees Claire coming up from the side of a hill, having returned from her ban being lifted. Arbiter begins walking up to her as Chief turns to see him leaving.

Chief: o boy their he goes agen

Back at Jon's Apartment, Chief drops his controller and walks away, holding his crotch.

Chief: 2 hell w/ lissening 2 this / i gots 2 go pee pee n e ways / omg i gots 2 go pee pee so bad
Arbiter: Since when have you ever had to urinate?

Back in the game, Arbiter and Claire meet face-to-face once again.

Claire: Well look who it is! Gaming's answer to "Starsky and Hutch."
Arbiter: Claire! How have you been?
Claire: Honestly, quite terrific.
Arbiter: Oh? That's great news! I was worried. Not to bring back unwanted memories, but you seemed quite shaken the last time we talked, over instant messaging. Appropriately so.
Claire: Yeah, losing my account and having my personal information stolen was pretty scary at first, but eventually I settled down and focused myself, changed my passwords, cancelled my cards, dealt with all the critical stuff and apparently before any funds were withdrawn are anything that was messed around with.
Arbiter: That's awesome.
Claire: It's very awesome, and as for having lost me online access. I think it was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Arbiter: Really?
Claire: Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I'm undermining your efforts obviously
Arbiter: No, of course not.
Claire: I mean I was furious at first, but it put things into perspective for me, it made me realize just how much of my life I was pouring into this game. And I ended up physically stepping outside of my house, which I pretty much never did before the attack on the moderators.
Arbiter: That's really good to hear. if you don't mind me asking, why the initial over-dependence on the network? Without intending to offend, you've always struck me as an incredibly level-headed person with the ability to keep everything in moderation, what was the--

As Arbiter is talking, he cuts himself off when he sees Claire slowly lowering her head.

Arbiter: ...Oh, I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry...
Claire: Don't be. In fact, the reason I'm here is not only to congradulate you on your success, but to apologize to you.
Arbiter: Apologize to me? For what? You don't owe me any apology.
Claire: Yeah I do. I told you I hated you for putting a stop to the wedding. That was completely out of line.
Arbiter: For one, that's not what you said. You said that 'part of you' hated me, which is completely understandable. And two, even if you hated me with your whole self I still wouldn't blame you. I interfered with a pivotal moment in your life--
Claire: An interferance that was necessary Arbiter. Please don't tell yourself any different okay? I was wrong.
Arbiter: But for all I know and knew at the time, the two of you could have worked. Like you said before, maybe you'd have been a lot happier than you are now.
Claire: Are you saying I should've married Trent, despite the fact that he lied to me?
Arbiter: I'm saying Chief and I had no right to step in and do what we did.
Claire: Regardless of whether or not it would have worked out between us, It would've been constructed on decite, and that's probably wouldn't have lasted that long anyway. That aside, things have changed. I know for a fact now that I won't have been happier, because at this present moment, I'm ecstatic.
Arbiter: Right, I almost forgot, you mentioned that things have been terrific for you. Man, that's great. What happened?
Claire: I met somebody.
Arbiter: ...No kidding?
Claire: No kidding. And he's the kindest, gentlist guy I've ever come across. And we're going on a date this weekend, can you believe it?
Arbiter: ...How couldn't I? It was only a matter of time.
Claire: That's a sweet thing to say...
Arbiter: Um...
Claire: Well, I should probably let you get back to the others. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you away from your party with your friends or whatever's going on over there.
Arbiter: Oh I don't give a shit about that, half of those guys are assholes.
Claire: Ah, I see.
Arbiter: What do you say we play a few matches together? If you've got time, that is.
Claire: That would be cool but I can't, I was gonna say I really ought to be taking off either way. I need to drop off an application before the campus office closes.
Arbiter: Oh, sure thing, no worries. Good for you moving onwards and upwards. Rain check?
Claire: To be perfectly honest, I don't know how often I'm going to be online from now on.
Arbiter: Ah. That's okay.
Claire: But if I manage to find time to put aside, then yes. Absolutely.
Arbiter: Cool.
Claire: Thank you again for everything, you're a gem. Don't ever change!
Arbiter: Don't worry. It's unlikely that anything will change for me.

Claire again lowers her head.

Arbiter: Don't let me keep you. You go do your thing.

Claire turns and starts walking away.

Arbiter: See you around.

Claire then proceeds to walk away up the hill she emerged from. As she is about to leave, she pauses and faces Arbiter one last time.

Arbiter: Good luck!
Claire: Bye Arbiter...

Claire turns back around and walks away down the side of the hill and disappears behind it. As Claire disappears, Arbiter lowers his head and stays still for a few second. Then Arbiter turns around and walks back towards the map's party.

Scene 6: Jon's Living Room[]

It is now nighttime at Jon's apartment. Master Chief is seen playing Theater Mode in Halo: Reach, watching Clyde's second death at the hands of the Arbiter. He was shot several times in the head with Arbiter's Magnum.

Master Chief: BOOM, HED SHOT, i gots 2 handed it 2 u arbitur, this is prety possim graede ossim, u smoeked him rite in teh fucking face dude

Arbiter is sitting next to the window sill, starting out the window at Vancouver in silence.

Master Chief: arbiter? where is u?

Chief gets up and sees Arbiter sitting on the window sill.

Master Chief: jesus christ wtf is ur problims this tiem?

Arbiter still remains silent.

Scene 7: Jon's Bathroom[]

Arbiter is now sitting in the middle of the bathtub by himself. A few shots of the tub's faucet is seen dripping.

Master Chief: arbitur? where is u? ima gets sum cereal, does u wants sum cereal? om nom nom nom

Arbiter does not respond.

Master Chief: k where the fuck r u srsly, omg if ur sitting in teh tub again ur the biggest fucking faget in teh universe

Chief climbs up the side of the tub and sees Arbiter.

Master Chief: LOL congradulashens ur majesty
Arbiter: Go away.
Master Chief: does u wants 2 talked about it champ? u does no that u could told me n e things, rite arbitur?
Arbiter: Oh God, the grammar. Please, no more, it's horrible.

Chief climbs into the bathtub and peers over Arbiter.

Master Chief: come on, its k arbitur, tell ur bestist buddy mastur ch33f y ur such a sissy ass fucking qu33n all teh goddamn tiem
Arbiter: Fuck off!

Master Chief backs away and suddenly appears concerned.

Arbiter: *sniff*
Master Chief: holy shit, r u liek, crying? liek acshuly?
Arbiter: Just leave me alone.
Master Chief: BUT WAT WAS MATTER? / we saeved halos!1 / e can play onlien agen!1one / wat moar does u wanted?
Arbiter: I'm worthless. I'm utterly insignificant, completely unlikeable and I'm going to die alone.
Master Chief: but i is h33r.
Arbiter: Is that supposed to make me feel better? You hate me.
Master Chief: i dusnt srsly acshuly hated u arbitur.
Arbiter: Then why do you make my life a misery at every opportunity?
Master Chief: :/ [forty five degree mouth face] / i didnt ment 2 maed u miseribil / coem on

Arbiter looks back up at Chief and Chief is holding out his arms for a hug.

Master Chief: is it can bey hugs tiem nao?/ yes i thinked it can be. where is teh love? the loev? teh love?

Arbiter gets up and hugs Chief.

Master Chief: its k arbitur / its all gone b k / sry
Arbiter: *sniff*
Master Chief: i will lets u play skywerd pork sword foar an extra fiev minits today. / how does that sounded?
Arbiter: ...Thanks, Chief.
Master Chief: butt not any longer than that or ill kick ur fucking ass

The scene fades to black as Arbiter and Chief are hugging in the bathtub.

Scene 8: Jon's Living Room - Two Weeks Later[]

Two weeks have passed since Halo: Reach's OMN was saved. Things have gone back to normal between Arbiter and Chief. Chief is seen playing Halo: Reach while Arbiter is looking up at him.

Arbiter: I really ought to make kicking your ass a weekly routine. Perhaps daily, or even hourly. I truly believe it's necessary, it's the only fucking way you'll learn anything.
Master Chief: suck my sack / LOL, n e ways i alwaeys just maed u beleived taht u culd kick my ass / does u no y that is arbitur?
Arbiter: I can't wait to hear this.
Master Chief: cuz i doesnt wanted 2 c u gets hurt buddy, id me55 u up if i acshuly fighted back, id wreck ur shit son
Arbiter: I wanna play Dark Souls!
Master Chief: fuck dark soles / moar liek gay soles / LMAO!!1eleven!1+shift
Arbiter: That isn't clever! And putting a homoerotic spin on the title of every game that isn't Halo doesn't strengthen your completely unfounded opinions!
Master Chief: shut up / no u
Arbiter: Sigh.
Master Chief: thats rite back ur ass the fuck down, u has chosin wiseley, roflmao, pussy ass bitch

As Chief is talking, Arbiter sits down against the side hallway.

Arbiter: What's the point in arguing? ...What's the point of anything? This is really it. This is my life. Forever.
Master Chief: quit crying you fucking faggot

Arbiter turns towards Chief and gets back up.

Arbiter: I've changed my mind, I am gonna kick your ass again.
Chief: lmao
Arbiter: Right now.

Suddenly the buzzer to Jon's Apartment Room is heard. Arbiter stops approaching Chief and looks at the buzzer. Chief gets up and looks at the buzzer as well and both toys look at one another. Chief is now seen taking 4 pieces of duct tape and sticks them to his forearms and knees.

Arbiter: You better not have ordered another goddamn pizza.
Chief: i didnt order shit / i has no ideas who the fuck is at the door

Chief turns and faces the wall.

Chief: SPIDUR CH33F

Chief leaps at the wall, but he bounces off of it and hits the floor. The buzzer is heard again as Chief recovers and begins climbing up the wall.

Master Chief: SPIDUR CH33F
Arbiter: Don't sing, please--
Master Chief: SPIDUR CH33F, DOES MOAR THAN ARBY CUZ HES A QU33F
Arbiter: You're the one whose name rhymes with 'queef,' yet I'm the one always at the butt of that word.
Master Chief: lol butt
Arbiter: I should just call you 'Master Queef' from now on, all the time. Would you like that?
Master Chief: well exceuese me arbitur but u is the one who gots the ugly ass vagina face remembir? LOL REMEMBIR ARBITUR

Chief reaches the apartment's buzzer and presses the respond button on it.

Master Chief: who the hell is this
Mailman: Um hi, I've got a package with me that's been sent to this address. Am I speaking to the resident of Apartment 34?
Master Chief: omfg

Chief turns to face Arbiter.

Master Chief: is we 34?
Arbiter: Yeah. Don't get too excited, it'll be addressed to Jon.
Master Chief: well y dusnt we c arbitur? lets c.

Chief faces the buzzer again.

Master Chief: u still there bitch?
Mailman: Pardon me?
Master Chief: can i axe u a quest chin?
Mailman: Uh, yeah, sure.
Master Chief: who's name is on teh packij?
Mailman: The recipient I have written here is the Arbiter. Is that right?
Master Chief: wtf
Arbiter: *gets up* ...A package for me? That can't be right.
Master Chief: nao u just hold on 1 singel minits they're buster, their must b sum mistaekes h33r, arbitur has no friends
Arbiter: That makes two of us, asswipe.
Mailman: To be delivered to "The Arbiter" at this building, residing in Apartment #34, that's the information I have.

Chief tape peels off from the wall and Chief falls to the ground. A few seconds later, Chief is standing in front of the door. The mailman is standing outside of Jon's door.

Master Chief: can u just leaved mai packij bai teh d00r and go away plex? plixy pl0x
Arbiter: It's my package, Chief.
Mailman: Uh, I'd be fine with that if I didn't need you to sign for it.
Master Chief: fuck
Arbiter: Ask him if he can slip his paperwork under the door, or through the mail slot.
Master Chief: i canot opened teh d00r, gimme ur stuped papers thru teh mail slot or sliped them undar teh d00r k? k.
Mailman: O-Okay.

The mailman slides the paper through the mail slot.

Master Chief: HURRY UP

Arbiter comes out holding a pen.

Arbiter: Here.
Mailman: Just sign and initial where I've marked the sheet please.
Master Chief: yeah yeah

Chief takes the pen and poorly writes the words "MASTUR CH33F" on the paper.

Arbiter: You don't write emoticons on a legal document Chief, we're trying to maintain a civilized society here for fuck's sake.
Master Chief: shut ur butt

Chief takes the paper and slides it back through the mail slot, which the Mailman takes back.

Chief: k h33r is all of ur paper / nao leave mai packij and go away / bai bai
Mailman: Have a pleasant day sir.
Chief: fuck you

Scene 9: Jon's Bedroom[]

Arbiter and Chief are now standing on Jon's bed, staring at the mysterious package.

Master Chief: so does u has n e ideas what the fuck this thing is?
Arbiter: Not a clue. Let's find out.

Arbiter proceeds to pull off the packing tape on the sides of the box. Suddenly just as he pulls off the strip, the package bursts open and knocks Arbiter back and off his feet.

Arbiter: Whoa!
Master Chief: wtf

From within the contents of the package, something begins crawling out of it. Arbiter gets back to his feet to see what it is.

Arbiter: Oh my God!

From out of the package, Greg the Spider crawls out to greet Arbiter and Chief.

Arbiter: Greg!
Master Chief: UVE GOT 2 B SHITTING ME, NOT THIS UGLY ASSHOLE
Arbiter: It's really you!
Greg: o hai :)
Arbiter: Where the hell have you been this whole time, man?! Why did you come back in a box?
Greg: i found and brought an old friend
Master Chief: who is he tlaking about

Arbiter walks over to the package and peers inside to get a closer look.

Arbiter: Holy shit...
Mysterious Female Voice: Hello, Arbiter.
Master Chief: OH MY FUCKING GOD, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Scene 10: Jon's Apartment[]

The Mysterious Female Voice is revealed by none other than Cortana. She is standing and watching Arbiter and Greg, who are playing Scrabble. Master Chief is seen playing Halo: Reach once again.

Arbiter: I still can't believe you managed to crawl all the way to Jon's old place Greg, it baffles me. And Cortana, how you put up with the isolation for as long as you did is beyond me. I'm so sorry that you were left behind. We looked everywhere for you when you disappeared.
Chief: i didnt
Arbiter: I figured you had been lost in transit during the second last move.
Cortana: It was difficult. But knowing that you've had nobody but Master Chief for company for the same amount of time, I feel as though I was the lucky one.
Master Chief: hay can u guys shut the fuck up, i cant herd teh exploshins
Cortana: Maybe you should take a break from that, Chief. What do you think? You've been at it for nearly seven solid hours.
Arbiter: Trust me, that's small-time.
Cortana: Chief? Did you hear what I just said to you?
Master Chief: yes
Cortana: And?
Master Chief: and eat shit, the ch33f dusnt take braeks, brakes are for pussies >:D
Cortana: Let's get one thing clear right now, Chief. You do not talk to me that way. Understand?
Master Chief: ill say whatever the fuck i want bitch
Greg: :/
Cortana: If I'm gonna be staying here then there's going to have to be some major adjustments in his attitude.
Master Chief: u no where teh door is, dont let it hit ur ass on teh ways out

As Greg is playing with Arbiter, Greg spells out the word "Reunion" on the Scrabble Board.

Arbiter: Nice one, Greg! Juicy points for that. Not to mention tracking down Cortana and mailing yourself back here with her. You're a smart cookie.

As Greg returns back to his spot, Arbtier takes a pen and write down the points Greg received.

Arbiter: Man... This is so great.
Cortana: What is?
Arbiter: That you guys are here. That we're all together. You know what? ...I honestly can't remember the last time I was this happy.
Master Chief: yeh man, i honistly cant remembir teh last tiem u were this gay either LOL
Greg: :D

One Week Later[]

A week has passed since Greg and Cortana's return. Arbiter is seen fiddling with a Camera and Cortana and Greg and seen side-by-side, with Greg standing on the wall. Master Chief joins them.

Cortana: You're not standing next to me, Chief.
Master Chief: dont wury about it skank, hurry the fuck up
Arbiter: Hang on... 'Kay, I think I got it.

After meddling with the camera, Arbiter runs over to the group and stands in between Greg and Master Chief.

Arbiter: Say 'cheese,' everybody!
Cortana: Cheese!
Arbiter: Cheese!
Master Chief: CUNT SHIT

The camera takes a snapshot of the entire group, now happily reunited. Greg has drawn a picture of cheese on his post-it note. Noteably, Arbiter and Master Chief have their arms around one another's shoulders. The scene slowly fades to black.

End Credits.